AIBU? Or should I just suck it up?

[Ilovemuesli]

Background:
My partner has 3 kids with his ex-wife (1 biologically his - DSD, 2 step-children), we have 1 child together.

DSD is sick at the moment, so is at our house for the day, as my partner is a stay at home dad & I go to work full time. Her mum is at work

My partner normally does 50/50 with regards to school runs for all the children but today he is not wanting to venture out to pick his stepkids up from school as DSD is really not well. Instead he has asked me to come out of work to collect the stepkids from school, drop them off at our house and then go back to work

I have a really busy afternoon at work, packed with meetings and project work I really need to get finished (off topic.. but it's Brexit related... eerrrggghhhh!) It would mean me leaving work at about 2:30, driving to school and home, then driving back to work to get there at about 4pm

I have asked if his ex could come out of work and pick them up from school, then I will pick them up on my way home at 6 and bring them to our house (they are due to stay tonight) but apparently she has taken too much time out of work this week with her kids being ill.

AIBU in thinking this is not my responsibility? Obviously I don't want the DSD getting even more poorly, but at the same time I don't want to set a precedent of leaving work at the drop of a hat e.t.c

Or should I just suck it up and go and pick them up? Am I being precious?

I’ve already said I don’t think much of the XW...
But actually one thing I wouldn’t judge her on, is not trying to keep the kids away from a sick sibling. (immuno compromised an exception)
Chances are with the frequent contact, they have been exposed anyway. I grew up in a large family, and we didn’t go down like dominoes for every illness - far from it.

I judge her on other stuff though

Ah, I got confused. I thought the sick kid was the shared bio child. I would expect the ex and h to work it out in that scenario.

Sounds like you should have residence of at least your H's biological child!

Sleeping - have you missed the part where he isn't actually the df? He has no responsibility
He clearly IS their father, he just isn't biologically. There more to being a father that 5 minutes of sex

Echoing PPs that your DP needs to have some sort of back up network sorted for these occasions especially as he can't drive. What if you worked away - what would he have done then? -He'd have to sort something out if you're physically in another country/too far away in the UK.

Its not your responsibility and I'm sure you are only allowed time for dependent's and not step kids? may be wrong but I am sure they have to be your own?

What if you worked away - what would he have done then? but she doesn't so it's a pointless question. DH and I only share one child. I don't need to make contingency plans for what would happen if he worked abroad because he doesn't. OP's partner doesn't need to act like a single parent and work out how to do it all alone because he isn't

ilovemuesli. I’m not sure ‘single parent’ is quite the right term for their Mum...

You’d have to be a bloody saint not to feel resentful I think. Not of the children (it’s not their doing that DH isn’t their bio dad, but is their dad) but of the situation where she had affairs and had two children that DH had no say in, but is responsible for. I’d love the kids, but resent her behaviour (then & now) impacting our life. I hope, given how much time they’re at yours, you’re not paying her CS as well!

@IncrediblySadToo

Yes, although it all happened before DP and I met, I do find it a big internal struggle to remain civil when we meet on pick up/drop offs e.t.c :) It is very hard to remain on the high road sometimes :) But we do it for the sake of the children, they don't deserve to have warring parents (even though she has no qualms about telling lies about us to her kids behind our backs)

P.S Yes, he does pay maintenance for DSD but not the stepkids, I imagine she must get that from the biological dads.

I could start a thread on ex-wife's behaviour alone! Maybe save it for another day :)

When you do, make sure you @ me!

When I rule the world I’ll give you & DH your Saint titles that you well deserve

I hope you at least put the kids right when she lies to them. Beggars belief doesn’t it really.

Still, the kids will work it all out for themselves when they’re older. All you can do for now really is ride the wave
& try not to drown in the process 😖

Your DH must be super lovely —or VERY good in bed— 🤣