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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

What the hell is the problem with mums at the school gate.

110 replies

Lifeisnotsimple · 18/01/2019 12:54

We adopted a 3 yr old and live in a little village, obviously i never got to meet other mums via baby groups and i am not from the area originally. When ever i rock up at the school to collect ds people cant even be civil and say hello, im constantly looked at as if ive 5 heads wtf! I always go out of my way to smile and speak but some are so ignorant. I absolutley hate the school run, feels like being back at school, not with grown women picking up their children from school.

OP posts:

beansontoastfortea · 18/01/2019 12:56

That's horrible for you but please try not to let them get you down... keep your head up high and show them you don't care!

I live in a small village and I do my utmost to avoid the school mum drivel in the mornings... don't understand what they could possibly want to stand around chatting about.

OutPinked · 18/01/2019 12:58

I avoid it all anyway and always have. I arrive bang on time to avoid waiting around and have never got involved with the needless gossiping.

TwinPair · 18/01/2019 12:58

I felt like that until I got to know the other parents at our school. It will improve. Be polite and smile. Everyone is defensive until they settle in.

sazzlelevi · 18/01/2019 13:00

i wouldn't worry about there are better people out there

lovely36 · 18/01/2019 13:00

Sounds like a bunch of ignorant women to me. People with class and who are educated wouldn't treat you that way. But I guess it's better to be the bigger person and have more self respect than them. Continue to smile and be your good old self. Don't let anyone dim your light.

Cornettoninja · 18/01/2019 13:00

Some areas have weird little micro cultures. I moved to where I am now a year before I had dd (3). It’s only recently a couple of people have even started to acknowledge me with a smile or nod despite seeing them regularly at weekly playgroups..

Try to ignore and just keep up your normal level of friendliness. A few normal people will defrost soon.

WheelyCote · 18/01/2019 13:01

Yep remember that feeling. Very uncomfortable.

whatsthepointthen · 18/01/2019 13:02

My schools the same, very unfriendly, kids have been there 2 years and I havent made a single friend or even anyone I say hello to. I honestly think some schools are just friendlier than others!

masterandmargarita · 18/01/2019 13:02

I think you're imagining it or at least 9ver exaggerating it in your head. Countless parents make friends at the school gate without previously having met at baby groups! Just be positive

Beamur · 18/01/2019 13:03

The school run seems to generate lots of hassle and anxiety for some people.
There will be some parents you will get on with but some you won't.
Bear with it, be brisk but civil. You'll probably make friends once your child starts making friends too.

guildTheLilly · 18/01/2019 13:03

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

whatsthepointthen · 18/01/2019 13:03

I never went to any baby groups and
mine didnt go to nursery 🤷‍♀️ I dont think its that though as no one seems to talk to anyone at my kids school.

Breakawaygirl · 18/01/2019 13:03

I think little villages/towns in general can be very insular/unwelcoming. It's the nature of being in a small town. Might take a while to penetrate the ice. Also, there are bastards in every basket.

Silkie2 · 18/01/2019 13:06

Im a DGM and I think it is a case of a group of adults obliged to do what they don't want to (trail to the school gates twice a day) when there are a dozen other more rewarding and urgent things to be getting on with.

It's hard to have an interesting conversation when you know it will be overheard by someone else. It's repetitive and a chore, unless you have a BF to meet with. Even then it's just 10 mins from the day.

AllMYSmellySocks · 18/01/2019 13:08

Having moved house and been in two different schools. I would ignore the people saying you're imagining it or doing something wrong yourself (unless you have a history of being paranoid). I went to one school where there were no issues. Groups of friends formed and not everyone was destined to be best buddies but people could be friendly white waiting around to collect or at school events etc. Other school was very different. Very cliquey and deliberately unfriendly to anyone new.

I would just keep doing what you're doing. Be friendly. Smile and say hello to everyone and hopefully at some point someone will be warm and friendly in return. When your LO starts to make friends you can approach their parents and ask for playdates etc.

FissionChips · 18/01/2019 13:08

Maybe you’re giving off the wrong impression or something.

If everyone gets along fine apart from you maybe you are the problem .

ChainVaper · 18/01/2019 13:09

Don’t sweat the small stuff hon- honestly they’re not worth the effort. There are always mums like that throughout the school years and I’ve learned that you probably will have nothing in common with them except your child being in the same school! You will find real people worth the effort elsewhere, or maybe meet friends at the school who you will naturally gravitate to. Don’t listen to any comments on here saying you’re probably not nice- it’s probably just someone having a bad day

Limensoda · 18/01/2019 13:11

Maybe you aren't very nice

WTF?

Newyearnewme2019 · 18/01/2019 13:12

my school runs are now finished but i always found the older generation were much more approachable.

Go stand near the grand-parents who are picking up the GC and strike up a conversation with them. I always found them to be much more generous with their time and smiles.

guildTheLilly · 18/01/2019 13:14

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

picklemepopcorn · 18/01/2019 13:14

Sensitive question, does your LO have behavioural issues? Do they know the child is adopted? My difficult foster tots were accepted and protected because people were aware they'd had a tough time. Other children with similar behaviours were not tolerated anything like as well.

user1494050295 · 18/01/2019 13:16

My friend adopted a girl aged 4 and became a class rep in reception so she could meet the other parents.

sayitisntsojo · 18/01/2019 13:18

Could you be being a little sensitive? I am a mum to an adopted DD and I am aware that I am hyper sensitive to anything that could cause any trouble near her.

@guildTheLilly this is the 2nd thread I have seen you make charming comments on today? PMT?

EmeraldShamrock · 18/01/2019 13:18

It is awful, though it is usual a small group who in cliches. There are about 10 in my DC school, sometime if I pass half an hour after drop off they're still chatting.
In comparison to the amount of pupils I think they're a minority.
I am friendly but do not chat to many.

SpiritedLondon · 18/01/2019 13:20

My DD is 6 but I don’t know tons of parents because I only drop off and pick up on a Friday due to work. I wanted to get to know people so extended an invite to class parents for coffee on a Friday. I got about 10 or 12 coming along and although I’m not bosom buddies I feel a bit more comfortable going up to chat now. Perhaps see if there’s 1 person you could invite over and make a start from there?

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