What the hell is the problem with mums at the school gate.

[Lifeisnotsimple]

We adopted a 3 yr old and live in a little village, obviously i never got to meet other mums via baby groups and i am not from the area originally. When ever i rock up at the school to collect ds people cant even be civil and say hello, im constantly looked at as if ive 5 heads wtf! I always go out of my way to smile and speak but some are so ignorant. I absolutley hate the school run, feels like being back at school, not with grown women picking up their children from school.

Another poster here who doesn't understand why a group of mums regularly chatting together is automatically a clique. Perhaps they've all known each other since their DC were small and so are simply a group of friends?

Anyway, I usually drop DD twice a week so was only on nodding/brief hello terms with most mums until recently. Many of the mums from her class stand around chatting at length, it never occurred to me that they were excluding me. Perhaps it's a personality thing though. My childminder, who is extremely chatty and friendly (so the opposite of me) drops DD the rest of the week and thinks the parents at the school are cliquey.

I do now stop at the coffee shop opposite the school after dropping DD and as it seems to be a regular pit stop for many of the mums I've struck up conversations with several and regularly talk to them now. It was simply a case of taking the time to get talking.

OP, if the mums are actively ignoring you then they are rude and ignorant. I'd focus on befriending parents in other settings (weekend activity for your DD?).

I think you (not just you, everyone) reads more into a school pick up thanks there. The amount of times I must have blanked someone or not smiled because I’m just deep in thought. I find it easy to chat to people and Male new friends but even i felt out in the edge when I moved to a tiny village and dd joined the school. It passes but takes more time than in a bigger place where people are used to families coming and going.

Typos!!!!

Schoolpick up thats there

make not Male friends

Maybe they can’t be bothered making new friends? I’ve got two school age children and am working and studying full time. I barely see my existing friends and have zero time to dilly dally at the school gate. Although I would usually smile and say hello if I recognised another parent.

Another poster here who doesn't understand why a group of mums regularly chatting together is automatically a clique. Perhaps they've all known each other since their DC were small and so are simply a group of friends?
That is very true, lots of the DMs included myself grew up around here, although it is a city and busy from on outsiders pov it might be difficult to make friends, many of us attended the same school etc.
I don't stand in the groups but I do greet them and others, I know lots of them years and there are lots of new mums mingling too. I am not looking to make friendships at the school, between work, kids, elderly parents and a very close smothering family I long for peace sometimes.

Im not wishing to make new friends but just to be civil. My ds came out of school with another child and i always say to him "nice day" he said yes and introduced the child standing next to him. The mother of said child comes over and i smiled and said hello, i said are you freddies mother, she said yeah curtly, i said hello im ds mother. I shit you not she looked me up and down and walked away. Tbh i thought bollocks to you, she didnt have the decency to say hello nice to meet you ffs. Im not asking for a deep and meaningful conversation but really. Obviously you dont see all the parents from my ds class at the school as alot of children take the school bus home so at the school gate there are roughly 6 mums with a few grand parents doted about. I cant understand why it bothers me so much i work twice a week and dh does pick up, even hes noticed it. Its become a standing joke between us now. Just cant understand why people would be so rude!

coco I know I probably look unapproachable outside the school gate as I'm contemplating my to do list, what I need to pick up for dinner etc and often feeling a little stressed (work ft and have 2 small DC) I generally don't look around in a smiley, happy fashion. One of the mums I have become friendly with in the coffee shop is absolutely lovely. She also has a rather disconcerting resting bitch face!

Eastie, I think you’re right, it’s usually unintentional unapproachability!
Could be shyness, wariness of strangers...I bet they don’t mean to be rude. My advice is to keep smiling! They may think you’re manic, but then might talk to you out of pity...Don’t mean to be flippant, as it’s horrible to feel isolated, I’d really try not to take it to heart and just keep saying hello.

Op, mums at sch are a funny brew. It's the relationship equivalent of it's not you it's me! They have prob all known each other for years or someone's husband is a big cheese somewhere or one of the mums is a big cheese.

The thing about cheese is.... it starts to really stink after a while!

Don't waste your time worrying about this or these people. In another few years, you will never /rarely see them again. Focus on the genuine people you meet and your child and your family.

All the best to you OP.

The world is made up of all sorts and in most areas of our lives we chose who we want to associate with.
Unfortunately, the school gate is a mix of all these people so it's pot luck really if you find some nice or even civil ones.
In fact, I found out that a woman at the school gate didn't like me. I was shocked. I've never heard that as an adult. She didn't know me, I always smiled and had invited her daughter to all dd's parties. Everyone who knows me says I'm fun, mild and easy going. She apparently didn't like my voice and didn't like me. So weird.