Hen do - genuinely don’t know what to do

[UhhOhhh]

It’s my sisters hen do coming up. She wants to get a country cottage with hot tub, spend the evening with close friends, get pissed, next day go for walk, have nice lunch, go home. That’s fine.

The date it’s been arranged for is the date I fly back from our family holiday. Original plan was to get somewhere about 2-3 hours away from our city, which would mean me leaving straight from the airport by train when we land. I was fine with this, not too much bother, it’s my sister and would be worth the hassle to celebrate with her.

Now today I find out from her friend organising it that the hen location has changed to the other side of the country. Meaning after I land from my family holiday, travelling by various trains and buses for 8+ hours. I won’t get there until around 9pm maybe later, by which time they’ll be pissed and I’ll be knackered.

AIBU to think about not going? Potentially really upsetting my sister?

Can you organise a Hen do mkII, just for sisters, on another weekend or better, the night before the wedding.

If she and or the friend organising it knew about your pre arranged plans and went ahead and booked it anyway then they know you may not be able to go already if they're honest so obviously aren't bothered

I'd go, but explain that you will be having a couple of drinks at most and then going to bed.

You've then got the next day to celebrate with her.

But I'd query why the venue has changed and how everyone else feels about it, if it's been one person's choice.

I would have thought as her sister you would be involved in the hen do arrangements, or at least consulted. I'd be really pissed off about being changed to be honest.

Not worth going ~ even your calculations assume you will not have a flight delay, problem train etc. They've obviously not put you into the mix when they changed the venue, so I'd give it a bye and suggest you go out together at another time when you can both enjoy yourself.

Of course YANBU!! Why would you travel for over 8 hours for a few drinks and a nice walk?!?

They changed the plans knowing you were coming back from holiday.
In fact if she really wanted you to come she would’ve arranged it for a different time when you weren’t on holiday.

erm... i think assuming you have no say in venue you should have asked them to do a different weekend. If this is impossible now then I think you should go despite the effort involved and next time ( I hope there won't be one obviously.) speak out earlier and say that the date doesn't suit you if it's the day you travel back from a holiday.

I’d go for my sister.

Yes, it’s annoying and tiring and all those things. But you’ll have the lunch the next day with her and this is for your sister. Sometimes in life we smile and do things that (really) put us out, because we love the other person. This would be one of those times for me.

The friend organising it definitely knew about my holiday plans. My sister probably not, she doesn’t know anything about the hen and it probably hasn’t occurred to her about the dates. I hold the friend in the initial stages that I’d be coming straight from the airport but that was the only date the majority could do so I went with it. But thinking it wouldn’t be too far to go.

Others might not be bothered, but my sister definitely will.

I emailed the organiser, and she basically said it had taken her ages to find this venue and I’m welcome to find a better one!

Well I bet that's easily solved by the power of Mumsnet. What's the dates and preferred county?

And the required spec?

I wouldn't waste my time going.

Oh gosh really?! Ok I need to sleep 10, traditional cottage nothing too modern, hot hub would be good, nice surrounding land for walks, I land at stansted so anywhere within 3ish hours of there. Hertfordshire, Essex, Kent even Sussex?

I still don’t know if I should just suck it up and go though. I just think it’s really unfair to move the goalposts after the date has been decided. Maybe I should speak to my sister?

I'd be trying to find another venue. What's the approx. budget?

The one she has found is £600 per night.

I think you should speak to your sister. It looks like it’s going to be physically impossible for you to get there and I think she needs to know if that’s the case.

What’s the budget?

Beautuful Oast House, Lewes. About an hour by train from London.

Sleeps 10. "Arctic spa pool" whatever that means! Looks fab.

www.groupaccommodation.com/properties/oast-house-chiddingly-lewes-east-sussex

Def speak to your sister
My sister would be furious if some fool put me in that position!
I don't understand this thing about people organising when bride has no info
Tbh I think it's odd that this particular weekend was chosen at all

This would be awesome for a hen do!

A whole pub converted into a self catering cottage, so you could play at being behind the bar!

Hot tub. This would be loads of fun I reckon. Essex so easy from Stansted.

Possibly expensive though!

www.groupaccommodation.com/properties/ongar-bell-chipping-ongar-essex

That place looks amazing, but not available in the dates.

I’m actually furious with myself for agreeing to the dates. But it was presented as - this is the only date the majority can do and it won’t be too far to go.

I’m flipping between getting really cross about it and thinking I should just go with it for my sisters sake ☹️

The pub place looks good, I’ll send an enquiry, thank you! My sister manages a bar too 😂

www.tripadvisor.co.uk/VacationRentalReview-g681388-d7592781-The_Shire_Stables_Luxury_Barn_with_Hot_Tub-Maldon_Essex_England.html
I don't know this property -- you could probably be there in about an hour from Stansted but you'd need to hire a car at the airport.
Maldon is a pretty town on the river.
But it's big and has a hot tub!

Where has she arranged the new venue? See if we can find a quicker way to get there ...

go to sleep now and look for a new venue in the morning. I imagine it's been stressful for the woman organising it and she is probably at the end of her tether so will be grateful for any help. It sounds like a new venue is the answer and there will be one somewhere!

Perhaps offer some extra support for the planning. I don't have a sister but if I did I would want to be involved in her hen night. I am sure there must be some compromise to be reached.

you could get to norfolk/suffolk in about 3 hrs and there are loads of properties there. Its also less pricey than home counties