Hen do - genuinely don’t know what to do

[UhhOhhh]

It’s my sisters hen do coming up. She wants to get a country cottage with hot tub, spend the evening with close friends, get pissed, next day go for walk, have nice lunch, go home. That’s fine.

The date it’s been arranged for is the date I fly back from our family holiday. Original plan was to get somewhere about 2-3 hours away from our city, which would mean me leaving straight from the airport by train when we land. I was fine with this, not too much bother, it’s my sister and would be worth the hassle to celebrate with her.

Now today I find out from her friend organising it that the hen location has changed to the other side of the country. Meaning after I land from my family holiday, travelling by various trains and buses for 8+ hours. I won’t get there until around 9pm maybe later, by which time they’ll be pissed and I’ll be knackered.

AIBU to think about not going? Potentially really upsetting my sister?

I really hope your sister isn't happy.

Her friend is treating you really badly.

Is there an element of "someone felt obliged to be hen do organiser" or something? I really don't get how these things turn into crazy nightmares and so often I find out the bride doesn't know what was being planned and no one really knew anything about anything, hence total chaos.

YABU to say that a hen do should be “something lovely”. They’re almost always a huge headache for the organiser(s).

Brides who don’t organise their own or at least stay closely involved to ensure plans are reasonable in terms of cost and convenience are being U.

Hopefully your sister

1. Understand and make arrangements for your own little get together another time
2. Be annoyed and take control so you can attend

Seems a bit off that they picked that weekend and chose the furthest possible location
Is everyone happy to travel that far? It must be expensive... A lot of travel for one night too! Surely they will spend more time travelling to and from than actually enjoying themselves

Could you do an internal flight from Stansted to nearer the venue?

I’m surprised the organiser can find a holiday cottage that can be let out for just one night! (Misses point of thread)

I would speak to your sister and explain things, if you just don't go she might feel sad or resentful that she wasn't given a chance to fix things. YANBU to think about not going but you need to be open with your sister and tell her.

has your Sister responded yet OP

This “friend” of your sister sounds awful. Would your sister and her friends really won’t to travel so far for just a weekend?

What region is the venue?

It's really odd that your sister is being kept in the dark about the arrangements.
She might not want to travel that distance either.

To be honest, it’s no wonder the organiser is getting pissy. Finding that for £600 a night is amazing and she knows you won’t be able to find better. Travelling costs are irrelevant really- if they share cars it will be very little and even so people get to spread the cost by paying for night then travel rather than one cost.

Really bad for you OP, but I do sympathise with the organiser too.

to wherever it is (ie Cornwall, scotland)

Oh, I just assumed it's Scotland as we're in the SE and whenever we travel 8 hours within the UK it's to Scotland!

But yes I suppose it could be Cornwall. (I'd bet it's Scotland though!)

I think the sister of the bride should def be accommodated re traveling! You are her sister fgs! The other woman needs to help sort and stop being a mardy arse.

Hopefully your sister will sort this. No way should you be put in the position of missing the hen do

Anyone else not relate to this kind of scenario at all?!

Probably group watsapp set up? In which case when the link to the new place was sent around, I would have responded “looks wonderful but for one night, long way to go (especially for me as I’ll be coming straight from airport after flight from Spain!). Every friend i have and indeed every friend I know of my sister’s would have been sweet and kind about

Worse case scenario and it didn’t go as above, I would have mentioned to my sister that I’m so worried I may not be able to join due to transport issues and and she would have sent a nice kind but firm message saying something alone the lines as “my sister is a pre req to the hen do. As you all are actually!”

Well. I sent a message to my sister. I knew she wouldn’t read it straight away because she works nights. However, within 40 minutes of her reading it I get an email from pissy organising woman. It says along the lines of ‘due to some people finding the distance too much I’ve decided to change the venue to .....’ then a link to somewhere I sent her this morning! Then a lot of waffle about how this place wasn’t as lovely as what she had chosen but she was trying to accommodate everyone 🙄

I have now found out that two other women dropped out too 🙄 so alls we’ll that ends well I suppose. I only need to travel for a while and should be with them for about 4-5pm. At least one person hates me but whatevs 😂

I doubt she “hates” you. Don’t go in there thinking that kind of thought.

She’s probably a bit pissy because she’s don’t lots of research. She’s being unreasonable, but hey - we all can be sometimes.

Sounds a lovely hen do. Enjoy! All will be forgotten in the hot tub over champagne

Yes I know, it was just a lighthearted joke 😀 I do feel for her, it’s a nightmare organising lots of people, but still, she was being a bit of a plonker in my opinion!

Oh yes, unquestionably she was!

Not worth going. If it's the weekend factor in works on the line, replacement bus services and delays. You'll be completely exhausted. They changed the plans not you. Arrange a dinner or drinks or both nearer the big day.

Sorry cross posted

Yay at least it all worked out!

Brilliant news OP... enjoy your Sisters HenDo

That’s a bit unfair, the distance would have been fine if you hadn’t had other commitments clashing with it. Pissy strop pot.

Pleased it all worked out well in the end hope you have a great time.

OP, the important thing is your sister has your back!

The organiser has been a thoughtless idiot.
Have a great time y'all