Hen do - genuinely don’t know what to do

[UhhOhhh]

It’s my sisters hen do coming up. She wants to get a country cottage with hot tub, spend the evening with close friends, get pissed, next day go for walk, have nice lunch, go home. That’s fine.

The date it’s been arranged for is the date I fly back from our family holiday. Original plan was to get somewhere about 2-3 hours away from our city, which would mean me leaving straight from the airport by train when we land. I was fine with this, not too much bother, it’s my sister and would be worth the hassle to celebrate with her.

Now today I find out from her friend organising it that the hen location has changed to the other side of the country. Meaning after I land from my family holiday, travelling by various trains and buses for 8+ hours. I won’t get there until around 9pm maybe later, by which time they’ll be pissed and I’ll be knackered.

AIBU to think about not going? Potentially really upsetting my sister?

I know, the whole thing is ridiculous. I’ve messaged my sister anyway, I’ve a feeling she’s not going to be happy.

Thing is, they will be travelling from London (I think, the friend hasn’t actually answered any of my questions! I don’t know any of them) I will have to get the stansted express back into London to catch my train the the nearest station to venue. It’s still an 2 hr bus and cab journey from there mind you. So they’re travelling time will be shorter than mine anyway. Because they’re not coming from bloody Alicante 🙄

Just fed up of the whole thing. Something lovely has been turned into a nightmare.

You’ve done all you can OP. Your sister can’t say you didn’t try!

Centre of Norwich, Roughly £1200 for 3 nights. www.cottages.com/cottages/baltic-wharf-e5360?adult=12&child=0&infant=0&pets=0&nights=2&range=3&partyprofile=1

I have to say there is no way on god's earth I would land from a holiday and travel even 3 hours afterwards just no way and I adore my sister! I especially wouldn't go if I didn't know any of the others, I would do something else with my sister at a more convenient date.

I think it's VU to expect you to travel 8 hours for one night. As others have said if your flight is delayed going any distance could end up meaning you can't get your connecting transport!

I wouldn't travel 8 hours for only a weekend much less one night. It's just not worth it even for a nice location! I think you should do something lovely with your DS instead

Why are you telling your sis you can't come?

What's wrong with finding another venue?

I'm not sure I'd travel that far off the back of a flight, the potential for delays could leave you stranded.

May not be a possibility but could you catch an internal flight? Could also be prone to delays of course.

There's also the possibility of a flight delay to think about, OP.

If the organiser can't find a more suitable venue (from all the links posters have provided, it seems she hasn't looked very hard) then I think it's reasonable for you to give it a miss and organise something just for you and your sister.

And has the organiser dismissed your suggestions or is an alternative still an option?

Can you just get a flight to the nearest airport to the venue from your holiday location?

It doesn't matter if you don't use your return flight- although if you don't use the outbound they cancel the return

Just explain to your sister the organiser has changed the venie and now, sadly, there is no physical way you can make it. Youve tried to find other solutions for the organiser, but they dont work for everybody.

Why don't you just have a day out together and a meal, you do know no one will care if your not there as they will be drunk.

I would be pissed off if my organiser hadn't catered to my sister! The most important person there.

I would definitely not be going just to get there that late at night and probably pass out from exhaustion just to have to travel again the next day.

I wouldn't be going either OP

She’s told me that £600 is the top budget. Everything I’ve found is either unavailable, minimum of 2 nights or too expensive.

for ONE night... they can shove it...

It was a mistake to say you could make it on those dates.

Your sister should take responsibility for this event, which is for her, her friends/family, and engage with the plans. Eg to advise the organiser on who the small number of essential invitees are (assuming you’ll be one of them) and find a date/location that’s possible for those people at reasonable cost, then invite other guests.

Sounds like the organiser’s plans could put a lot of people out, eg distance from London.

I think you have ytosay that you cannot match the price, but neither can you attend at that location, given the flight (even if it's on time) and that you will explain to your DSis that you're fine with being the person who takes one for the team.

Surely it's £600 + travel cost, it can't be cheap to travel that far?

That’s crazy! You can’t do that journey! Even if the plane is on time, with no delays at baggage or passport control, AND the train runs on time AND with no traffic, etc, you’ll still be cutting it fine! It’s completely undoable, surely?? And you’ll be exhausted!

Is there no way of getting a cheap flight to a more appropriate airport and leave DH with kids and luggage? Or hire a car to get there and get it collected from the venue so you don't need to drive next day.

She's putting lots of obstacles in your way op. Surely it will be more cost efficient for everyone if it's closer. I'd be having a frank chat with your sister.

Yes, it's £600 + travel costs.

And - for one night only? That's bonkers if people are driving from the south of England to Scotland for just one day!

I'd be having a frank chat with your sister.

Yes, time for this, I think!

Could you fly from Stansted to wherever it is (ie Cornwall, scotland) and meet them there?