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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Hen do - genuinely don’t know what to do

134 replies

UhhOhhh · 11/08/2018 00:15

It’s my sisters hen do coming up. She wants to get a country cottage with hot tub, spend the evening with close friends, get pissed, next day go for walk, have nice lunch, go home. That’s fine.

The date it’s been arranged for is the date I fly back from our family holiday. Original plan was to get somewhere about 2-3 hours away from our city, which would mean me leaving straight from the airport by train when we land. I was fine with this, not too much bother, it’s my sister and would be worth the hassle to celebrate with her.

Now today I find out from her friend organising it that the hen location has changed to the other side of the country. Meaning after I land from my family holiday, travelling by various trains and buses for 8+ hours. I won’t get there until around 9pm maybe later, by which time they’ll be pissed and I’ll be knackered.

AIBU to think about not going? Potentially really upsetting my sister?

OP posts:
Storminateapot · 11/08/2018 08:45

www.ashbourneselfcatering.com/properties/ashbourne-hall/

I've stayed here a couple of times with large groups, it's absolutely lovely. Not sure how long from Stansted though...

paintedwingsandgiantrings · 11/08/2018 08:45

I assumed it's for a weekend - is that right?

MaMaMaMySharona · 11/08/2018 09:01

I stayed here for a hen do last year and it was amazing!! abnb.me/3LFn6Hk1hP

pasturesgreen · 11/08/2018 09:03

Definitely mention it to your sister. Its not on to shift the goalposts after a date and location have been agreed.

Even if you do decide to go, consider that you might not be able to get to the new location in time. An 8 hour one-way trip offers almost endless scope for things going wrong: your flight might be delayed, train likewise, particularly as its a weekend, there may be traffic if going by car...you may end up being able to stay only for a few hours, so that's worth bearing in mind.

Also, if the location is an 8-hour trip away from everyone else, I highly doubt the other hens are thrilled at the prospect of travelling so far for a single night stay. Even leaving at 8am on the first day, it means not getting there before mid-afternoon, and that's the best part of the first day gone. Walk and pub lunch on day 2 sound like a rushed affair: people won't want to get back too late, and even leaving at 2pm means potentially getting back at or past 10pm. I know I wouldn't particularly relish that on a Sunday evening. Speak up and you'll be doing everyone a favour!

SoftlyCatchyMonkey1 · 11/08/2018 09:03

Hi OP
I've just done a quick search in Airbnb for properties in Cambridge (seemed close to standstead) and there's loads of lovely places to stay - there's a house in the country that sleeps 12 and has a hot tub (I can't link it as its from the app)

I think there'll be lots of choice on Airbnb if my preliminary search is anything to go by

pasturesgreen · 11/08/2018 09:04

*it's

beyondthesky · 11/08/2018 09:08

Woodland cottages near Glastonbury. Lovely 7 bedroom small Manor House. Has one hot tub in garden and another one in spa next door along with swimming pool which you have free access to.

OnBail · 11/08/2018 09:27

Speak to your sister and explain, she might be more accommodating than you think

AnnaMagnani · 11/08/2018 09:37

Cambridge is indeed v close to Stansted.

If you search Cambridgeshire on AirBnB there are some lovely choices.

This is sadly but unsurprisingly solidly booked up:
www.airbnb.co.uk/rooms/9150674?location=Cambridgeshire&adults=10&s=dHUIybPg

LadyFidgetAndHerHandbag · 11/08/2018 09:47

I wouldn't go but I also hate hen parties so might not give the best advice. 8 hours is a long way to go for one night when you'll get so little time with your sister. If I were in your shoes I would talk to your sister and explain the situation and say you'll do something just the two of you another time such as an afternoon tea, a spa day, a rock concert, whatever it is she's in to.

LadyFidgetAndHerHandbag · 11/08/2018 09:51

If you do have time to look for things closer to the airport Air bnb is my go-to option whenever I go away.

Original poster
UhhOhhh · 11/08/2018 10:00

Thanks for all your replies. I’m looking at all your links and going to spend the day looking. If I can’t find anything suitable I’m going to explain to my sister (without giving anything away!) and suggest we do something, just us, another time. My sister can be a little dramatic so she’ll either be fine or cause a massive fuss 🤷🏻‍♀️

OP posts:
hilbil21 · 11/08/2018 10:12

Where on earth is it that will take you 8 hours from airport?

Loonoon · 11/08/2018 10:14

We stayed at the Ongar Bell a couple of years ago. It was a great venue and very well equipped although for some reason the hot tub wasn’t available. Very handy for Stansted too.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 11/08/2018 10:15

OP would be travelling by TRAIN AND BUS. Could take half a day to get some places on public transport.

TomHardysNextWife · 11/08/2018 10:20

I'd try and find an alternative, but if you can't, I'd bow out and say it's just too much travelling for one night after already travelling back from holiday. The friend sounds a right charmer - who on earth deliberately excludes the brides sister from the arrangements Confused.

Original poster
UhhOhhh · 11/08/2018 10:50

I’ve sent her a few links to look at. She sent me an email saying could I let her know ASAP because she wants to book the venue. 😡 I’m just going to let my sister know I can’t come, let her deal with it.

OP posts:
MorrisZapp · 11/08/2018 10:57

This is ludicrous. Why on earth would an adult woman allow someone to 'surprise' them with arrangements? Your sister should have at least some input into organising this large, expensive trip.

Hen nights and expectations etc do my nut in. Men just go and get drunk together.

TheCraicDealer · 11/08/2018 10:58

If the whole group isn't spending £££ hightailing across the country you can afford to spend more on the accommodation. Especially as, if you can't go, the rest of the group will be paying for your space as well (surely they wouldn't still expect you to pay?!).

This is why hen dos are shit unless they're kept as simple as possible.

Cloudyapples · 11/08/2018 10:58

Op where is the girl from? Don’t suppose she’s picked somewhere that’s super convenient for her to get to but not for anyone else? Have you spoken to anyone else going to see if they’re all happy with venue choice?

Cloudyapples · 11/08/2018 10:59

Also has your sister been told the dates? Should probably check she can make it first before anything gets booked!

ReservoirDogs · 11/08/2018 11:00

But you do realise that when the friend said find a better one she was being passive aggressive and doesn't really mean that you should!

Oysterbabe · 11/08/2018 11:01

Where's the new venue? Can you fly there?

PerfectlyPosed · 11/08/2018 11:03

www.airbnb.co.uk/rooms/13096086

I organised a hen do at this place last year and it was brilliant. Meets all your criteria as long as it's available for dates you wanted.

I would be gutted to miss my sisters hen do but under the circumstances, I think she would understand.