Hen do - genuinely don’t know what to do

[UhhOhhh]

It’s my sisters hen do coming up. She wants to get a country cottage with hot tub, spend the evening with close friends, get pissed, next day go for walk, have nice lunch, go home. That’s fine.

The date it’s been arranged for is the date I fly back from our family holiday. Original plan was to get somewhere about 2-3 hours away from our city, which would mean me leaving straight from the airport by train when we land. I was fine with this, not too much bother, it’s my sister and would be worth the hassle to celebrate with her.

Now today I find out from her friend organising it that the hen location has changed to the other side of the country. Meaning after I land from my family holiday, travelling by various trains and buses for 8+ hours. I won’t get there until around 9pm maybe later, by which time they’ll be pissed and I’ll be knackered.

AIBU to think about not going? Potentially really upsetting my sister?

This should be doable in abt three hours from Stansted
www.tripadvisor.co.uk/VacationRentalReview-g1936905-d3798733-Heel_Farm_Barn_Near_Canterbury_Whitstable-Stalisfield_Faversham_Kent_England.html

Stansted Express to London, then train to Faversham. Whitstable is lovely (bit touristy in summer) with lots of pubs, restaurants, shops, and generally lively (but not at all downmarket)

Wow this one looks gorgeous! Probably expensive - but look!!

Very close to London in Surrey.

A very popular venue for sophisticated Hen parties. Enjoy a deluxe spa-like weekend in the privacy of your own manor house, enjoy a massage, facial or manicure with a glass of champagne in one hand and your closest friends by your side. Relax in the stunning hot tub and sauna after your fully catered dinner.

www.groupaccommodation.com/properties/great-oak-park-dorking-surrey

Chewton glen www.chewtonglen.com

I've stayed here with a group of friends. Probably about 2 hours from Stansted but you'll need to hire a car
big-cottages.com/properties/united-kingdom/england/norfolk/north-norfolk-district/holt/bessingham-manor-s103056?check_in_on=17-08-2018&nights=3

Kent - stunning!

www.tripadvisor.co.uk/VacationRentalReview-g1889368-d14023618-Manor_Farmhouse_Holiday_Cottages_in_Kent_and_Sussex-Milstead_Kent_England.html

I’ve stayed here and it was lovely.

www.gardenofenglandcottages.co.uk/cottage/holiday-cottages-in-kent/54347-hockley-house/

You are the bride's sister, so you do get some say because you need to be there. Use that leverage to find a replacement today.
Text back the friend and tell her you have found something else, appreciate all of her hard work and then change the location. I am sure your sister's friends will not be relishing such a long journey either, so you are doing them all a favour.

There is no way you can travel another eight hours after a flight, what if you are delayed, you may not make it at all and your sister will be upset and disappointed.

We are looking for you!

Chewton glen is extortionate but beautiful, quite a drive from any airport

You have to go. It’s your sister and she’ll be upset and hurt if you don’t. I know it’s hassle but just suck it up or there’ll be trouble ahead

I think you should talk to your sister. If I was her I’d be so upset you couldn’t come due to the organiser wanting it to be a secret. She doesn’t have to know what the actual plan or place is.

Emma Holt is gorgeous, I second this suggestion OP. In fact anywhere north norfolk is great, a beautiful part of the world

Why would anyone travel 8 hours each way for an overnight stay?

I agree that the best way of resolving it is to find somewhere else. It’s the best solution all round.

Definitely definitely speak to your sister. The organiser is arranging something she won’t want (i.e something that makes it very hard for you to go).

My sister didn't come to mine for similar reasons and I was fine with it. I totally understood.

I have some sympathy with the organiser too, it can be really hard to keep everyone happy organising hen dos, hopefully you can find some more suitable accommodation!

You may be worrying for nothing. Your plane could be delayed and you won't be able to get there in time anyway. I wouldn't worry about it all too much before the event in any case. The re-location certainly doesn't help but try to go with the flow and don't stress. I'm sure your sister wouldn't have wanted to cause all this worry.

That's really shit of your sisters friend. Hen dos are stressful to plan and there's no pleasing everyone but she really should be taking your situation into account as she knew in advance. However, if she won't help, could you price a cheap flight to closer airport on the way back from your family holiday? I know it's not really fair but it might be cheaper and easier in the long run

This is Mumsnet at its best, hopefully one of these places will be available, OP. I think it's the only realistic solution, other than changing the date, which would probably mean that the of hens wouldn't be able to go.

If you do just 'suck it up', you risk not being able to get there because of flight delays, stressing your sister out as well as you, so she won't get to really enjoy her evening because she'll doubtless be worrying about whether you'll get there. Especially if you're having to send texts about further delays.

I hope you manage to find an alternative without putting the best friend's nose too far out of joint - but you should talk to your sister, regardless.

The reason being that, even if she doesn't know much about it, her friend might have the hump and put in a bad word - so you need to let your sister know that you are moving heaven and earth to make it to her hen party at a reasonable hour so you can actually join in, instead of turning up when everyone is pissed and likely to be about to fall into bed. Then, if you can't actually manage to find an alternative, you can say to your sister "I've tried to find an alternative, can't be done, but we can do something else for your hen instead?" and maybe take her for a posh afternoon tea or something else she'd really enjoy, just the 2 of you.

She said that she had found a place to accommodate 10 of you in an older property with all amenities and a hot tub for £600? That is amazing value. I can't find anything close to that. Sorry.

There are glamping places in that price bracket but no cottages.

Can you fly back to a different airport to be near the venue?

£600 is all very well, but surely everyone will have enormous travel costs and won't enjoy going that far themselves. I'd definitely prefer to pay more for accommodation than travel. Surely between all the mumsnet posters it's possible to find somewhere. What are the dates so we can search late booking / discount sites?

That’ll be why the place she’s booked is so far away - she won’t have been able to find all of that in the SE and has had to look in a cheaper part of the country.

Is the hot tub an absolute deal breaker? If you look for properties without a hot tub then you'll have a much wider choice. The one I linked to above (Bessingham Manor - thoroughly recommended) does have a hot tub but when I went with friends most of us didn't use it, including myself.

There are places like this which advertise price/night but you can't only book one night.
Stamford

A site like this might be useful, you can search your date, require a hot tub, zoom out on the map to keep it nearby etc:
www.lastminute-cottages.co.uk/searches/173210382