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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be not looking forward to NYC holiday

394 replies

Kakamora · 09/08/2018 11:18

Because of a post I’ve just seen about servers complaining they’ve had a tip that doesn’t reflect what they spent on food.

Yes I know that tips top up their wages but I want to take my mum on some pretty fancy dinners while we’re there and just because I spend $100 dollars which I’ve saved up my minimum wage money for, I don’t see why some server thinks that’s entitles he to a $20 tip because I’m spending a lot of money.

It is annoying me thinking I will have to save around an additional £150 for tip money. I always tip, but I don’t think waitresses here in the U.K. (which I am part time, think that spending £100 you know people have budgeted for warrants an expensive tip

OP posts:

HermioneWeasley · 09/08/2018 11:22

Waiting staff in the states are taxed on an assumption of tips. I’m sorry, but in the US in particular paying a 15-20% tip is part of the cost of eating out

LlamaPyjamas · 09/08/2018 11:22

I think the food is cheaper because basically they don’t pay the waiting staff so diners are expected to pay them via tips. If they don’t get tips they can’t make a living. Not like here where waiting staff are paid at least min wage.

eeanne · 09/08/2018 11:25

It’s part of the cost. You need to find a restaurant that if you add 25-30% of listed price (for tax and tip) you can afford it.

I’ve lived in NYC and London and even including tax/tip you get better food for less money in NYC.

NancyDonahue · 09/08/2018 11:29

It's part and parcel of visiting the US. Food
Is generally cheaper there so when you've added the tip you're not paying a lot different than in Europe. Just make sure you check the bill doesn't already have a service charge added before giving a tip.

StayAChild · 09/08/2018 11:32

Yep, I'm afraid you just have to suck it up and pay up. If you accept it and cost it in as part of the experience you'll enjoy it a lot more. It's just the way they do things.
We had a voucher for buy one breakfast get one free in our hotel, which we took advantage of, but were reminded that we still had to tip in full for the free breakfast.

It's a fantastic place, so don't let it spoil your holiday.
Don't miss out on the fantastic delis. We would get great picnic food and eat it in the parks, people watching.

OuchLegoHurts · 09/08/2018 11:37

As others have said, it's just part of the cost. Meals out are cheaper, generally, but either way it's their system.

araiwa · 09/08/2018 11:41

Dont forget your hotel is an extra few dollars more a night too to tip housekeeping

UAEMum · 09/08/2018 11:43

Just don't tip. Or tip a small amount. I don't think its mandatory and, let's face it, you will never see them again. I would never tip 20%

hungryhippo90 · 09/08/2018 11:46

It doesn’t matter how you feel about it, it’s a custom in the US, you are a visitor so graciously accept their customs or don’t go.

It really annoys me that there are people who genuinely think the way you do.
Servers have their tip, in many places they actually share a % of that with other members of staff, are taxed in line with tip expectation and that % of tax or tip is still expected from others if the server doesn’t receive it.

It’s not really fair to have them serve you and not only not pay them for their service to you, but leave them in a position where they are out of pocket is disgusting.

People like yourself should stick to fast food, and let the people who will willingly tip have the reservation for a sit down meal.

eeanne · 09/08/2018 11:47

You can visit some of Danny Myers’ restaurants, as he has eliminated tips and raised prices instead.

TheHodgeoftheHedge · 09/08/2018 11:48

I understand money is tight, but this is simply part and parcel of the cost of eating in the USA. It doesn't matter if you agree with tipping or not, it is the process over there. Did you only just find this out? If you're concerned about the cost (although as others have said, meals do tend to be cheaper than the equivalent in London), can you dial back one of the meals out to a cheaper one?

Out of interest, have you only just found this out or is it something you've been fretting about for a while?

Please don't let this spoil your trip, but please don't think you can get away without tipping over there. Those waiters DO DESERVE it as they don't get paid minimum wage.

eeanne · 09/08/2018 11:48

Just don't tip. Or tip a small amount. I don't think its mandatory and, let's face it, you will never see them again. I would never tip 20%

You are why American servers hate foreign tourists. Go to KFC if you don’t want to tip. Otherwise follow customs where you visit.

cookiesandchocolate · 09/08/2018 11:48

I once didn't tip the correct amount and they circled the tip bit on receipt in red pen. I felt terrible, I had added up wrong.

If you can handle it, don't tip. You'll need a thick skin though.

Stirner · 09/08/2018 11:49

You're hugely unreasonable and very entitled. Other posters have explained that US tipping system, so I won't. If you don't tip at least 15% you're screwing your server out of their Wages. If you can't afford it don't go.

TheHodgeoftheHedge · 09/08/2018 11:51

Just don't tip. Or tip a small amount. I don't think its mandatory and, let's face it, you will never see them again. I would never tip 20%

If you can't deal with local customs, don't travel. Simple as. Your the person who gives tourists a bad name. And it might not be mandatory as such, but it IS expected and you may find yourself called out for it.

Stirner · 09/08/2018 11:53

@UAEMum - you're basically a thief

MyDcAreMarvel · 09/08/2018 11:53

If you can’t afford to tip then you can’t afford the fancy dinners. Tipping it the states is not the same as tipping in the UK.

Tessellated · 09/08/2018 11:57

I always tip in the US, but I don't always tip the full % if I ordered something expensive. It's no more work to carry a steak to the table than it is to carry a sandwich. If I ordered loads of drinks or something that's obviously different.

On the flip side if the service was excellent and I ordered something cheap I will tip more as I feel bad paying less for the good service just because I ordered something cheap.

So YWBU to not tip at all, in the US you are essentially billed separately for the service, but YANBU to tip according to the level of service you receive and not strictly according to the cost of your meal.

cholka · 09/08/2018 11:59

NYC waiters are really rude. We planned to tip at the end of having a few beers and my DP got harangued by the waiter for not tipping as soon as the beer was handed over.

All in all it's a nightmare for English people, we want to tip furtively I think and Americans want to display their patronage! If it's mandatory then just make it part of the main bill. Same with sales tax. Yick. Never been back to the US since, there are SO MANY better places to go.

Not to mention that by going now you are basically supporting Trump and his fascist agenda.

VimFuego101 · 09/08/2018 12:00

Minimum wage for waiters/servers in the US is less than $3 an hour. It's not like the UK where they get paid a reasonable minimum wage and then tips are a bonus on top. I agree it's a stupid system, but if you object to tipping, you shouldn't go to sit down restaurants in the US.

StoatOfManyColours · 09/08/2018 12:02

It's years since I've been to the US. Do bills add on a tip and tax? Or do you have to calculate the tip yourself?

Stirner · 09/08/2018 12:03

@cholka Not to mention that by going now you are basically supporting Trump and his fascist agenda. no you're not

UAEMum · 09/08/2018 12:04

Its a custom not a law.
I would tip 10% max. They are not going to starve if you don't tip 20%. Tip what you can afford and enjoy your trip

dadshere · 09/08/2018 12:06

We lived in the US for many years, tipping is part of their salary, without it they cannot live. It also helps to explain why service is so much better in the US than anywhere in the UK. If you can afford to holiday in the US, you can afford the tip. The only reason not to tip is bad service, although for those of us raised in the US, even that is hard to do. My dh refused to tip in a restaurant in NY when we were living there after poor service, the waitress came over and made a scene, which mortified me, but dh didn't care, he told her to 'work' for her tip, or not to expect one! He was then racially abused by the server, making me glad he didn't tip.

abigailsnan · 09/08/2018 12:06

It may not be mandatory but would you want to be insulted by the waiters (and they have subtle ways of doing it) and spoil your mums special meals I think not somehow.
To be quite honest the amount you are expending to spend is not a lot for a special dining experience.

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