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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU ruined holiday

111 replies

Tessabelle1 · 19/07/2018 16:10

After opinions as to whether I'm right to be mad at my husband!
He is currently on his last work placement as a student nurse, this is important as this needs to be passed to qualify which I fully understand. Now, we have made many sacrifices as a family over the last three years, financially especially as student bursary does not stretch far with 6 of us. We have made these knowing that in the long run we'll be better off. Here's my issue though, we had a weeks holiday booked starting on Saturday to Northumberland, a 4 hour drive away, it's been booked for months, I've got time off work etc. We've already had to curtail it, coming home on Thursday as its fallen on his long week and he needs to get 37 hours in, he's phoned me today to say his mentor has arranged to come in specially on TUESDAY (his rostered day off anyway) to sort out some paper work so he needs to go in! Now I'll admit I lost my temper and told him no and that I wouldn't even discuss it before hanging up! His placement lasts another three weeks, and he'll be there on Friday to do any paperwork, so am I bring unreasonable to be angry that he won't just tell his mentor he can't do it??

OP posts:

Snappedandfarted2018 · 19/07/2018 16:12

It’s three weeks then he has finished his course yabu.

nocoolnamesleft · 19/07/2018 16:13

Welcome to working in the NHS.

Brakebackcyclebot · 19/07/2018 16:13

Why on earth did you book your holiday for now, rather than for when he's finished in 3 weeks????

HerRoyalNotness · 19/07/2018 16:13

He’s told you where his priority is. Bid him farewell as you go off on your holiday with the DC.

Rockyrockcake · 19/07/2018 16:18

If he had not agreed would it delay his sign off? I am sure he agreed because he knows the NHS working systems/inflexibility very well by now . I understand your frustration but hopefully you can put it behind you.

MakeMineALarge1 · 19/07/2018 16:18

His mentor may only work part time and so will be limited as to when he/she can do the paperwork, it seems like they are already coming in on their day off to complete it.

When you are a student nurse, you holidays/placements/semesters are set in stone, there are enough weeks off and reading weeks in which to go away, you shouldn't go away during placement time.

gnomeisland · 19/07/2018 16:19

Why doesn't he just drive back early on the Tuesday morning? He could then either stay at home so he's there for his Friday shift, or drive back up to join you and the DCs. It's only a 4 hour trip each way - hardly arduous.

Thebrothers · 19/07/2018 16:19

Sorry but as a nurse, welcome to the reality of the NHS, every single nurse (students included) make sacrifices exactly like this everyday. I'm not surprised he won't let 3 years hard work fall to the wayside for a couple of days holiday.

If youre like this now you are not gonna last as an NHS spouse. Sorry to be harsh.

nocoolnamesleft · 19/07/2018 16:23

Sounds like the mentor is giving up their own day off ("come in specially" to sort his paperwork, so can really see why he doesn't feel able to refuse. Probably no time to do it during an actual working day. And may be the only day off that they have that they can give up, say due to child care.

juneau · 19/07/2018 16:25

Go on holiday with your DC. Tell him his presence is optional and if he'd rather go into work then he should, but don't let it ruin your holiday.

Original poster

Tessabelle1 · 19/07/2018 16:25

Hi ladies, this placement is in a private hospital (not sure if that's relevant) the holiday was booked per his instructions as he was told (not sure who by) that he would have finished placement by then. His learning agreement is to complete 37.5 hours which he will do as he's working Fri-Sun this week. His mentor is full time and has been putting off completing the paperwork which is meant to be completed at the end of each week in an ideal world, which I'm aware health care isn't. I'm more irked by the fact he hasn't even told his mentor we are going away to even give him the opportunity to arrange an alternative time.

OP posts:

Bombardier25966 · 19/07/2018 16:26

He’s told you where his priority is. Bid him farewell as you go off on your holiday with the DC.

His priority is securing a financially secure future for his family. Something his wife should be understanding of, and working to find a compromise.

Readyfortheschoolhols · 19/07/2018 16:30

Will do.

WhatsGoingOnEh · 19/07/2018 16:31

How would you feel about having a holiday with your DC, without your DP?

If the thought of that isn't too stressful, I'd take the high road here. You go on your holiday, he has a quiet week at home/placements, etc. Then he'll pass and you can all celebrate together with a weekend away or something?

Or cancel the holiday and do it another time.

Don't take it out on him.

kimber83 · 19/07/2018 16:31

Your poor DH is stuck between a rock and a hard place here, working with the information he has and trying to meet everyone's expectations!

Support him this time, spend some time on hol with DC and he can do what he can manage when he's available.

It's bound to be pressure enough without the guilt trip from you, hanging up on him, etc - you need to communicate and come up with something he can juggle, not hang up.

I'd feel really letdown if my DH did what you've done (but then I'm assuming he's generally a good co-parent in other ways the rest of the time).

Readyfortheschoolhols · 19/07/2018 16:31

Oops that was meant to be a text!!
Send dh home for the meeting and you stay on with the dc.

MakeMineALarge1 · 19/07/2018 16:32

Sounds like your husband has made a bit of a mistake in regards to knowing when placement would finish. You know at the beginning of the course when placements start and end. Not the mentors fault. Paperwork should be done in a timely fashion, but it can't be done too early in case the student then takes the michael for the remainder of the placement

veggiethrower · 19/07/2018 16:32

YABU.
Why did you book a holiday in the middle of his placement? Was it not possible to book after his placement ended?
Losing your temper at him isn't going to help. There is very little he can do about it and TBH, on a placement, it really doesn't look good if you start making demands as to when you can have a meeting with your mentor because you want to go on holiday.
Instead of losing your temper, look for solutions. Can he drive back down on the day to meet his mentor? Or could he go on the train?

Original poster

Tessabelle1 · 19/07/2018 16:32

Bombardier, I work 3 jobs and have juggled those and 4 children not to mention running up 15 grands worth credit card debt between us so my husband can follow his dream to become a nurse, I think I'm very bloody understanding thank you

OP posts:

Whatsforu · 19/07/2018 16:33

Your holiday should not have been booked anywhere near his final placement. They usually don't finish until August. He will have to get on with it as this final sign off must be done properly,( obviously). Can he not meet you there or rearrange dates?

sprinklesandsauce · 19/07/2018 16:34

he hasn't even told his mentor we are going away to even give him the opportunity to arrange an alternative time.

Why hasn't he told him? The mentor will have no idea that he is coming back from a holiday and doing an 8 hour trip unless your DH tells him. He may well rearranged an alternative time if he is aware of that!

endofthelinefinally · 19/07/2018 16:34

Your DH should have told his mentor about his holiday dates as soon as he booked it. Verbally and in writing.

mikeyssister · 19/07/2018 16:35

YANBU to be annoyed he hasn't told the mentor you're going away.

YABU if he tells the mentor and it's still the only day that suits.

OftenHangry · 19/07/2018 16:38

Simple. Go on holidays, he will go back Tuesday or Monday night if needed and then after the meeting he will drive back.

Don't be angry at him. Be angry at the system/supervisors/mentors.

MaisyPops · 19/07/2018 16:41

As a mentor/trainer for another line of work, I specifically advise trainees to avoid taking holiday until comfortably past the end of term/placement. Every year there are some students who have odd bits that need mopping up, some need extra hours.

The learbing agreement for placement may be 37 hours on shift but as a full time student that doesn't mean your working week ends there. Other elemebts related to your course can (and will) sit outside that time.

Term time is usually longer than placement hours. Taking holiday within term time /placement windows was always going yo be a gamble. Mentors in most lines of work to loads of unpaid extra time for their trainees and don't get extra time to do everything required.

That's the reality of a training course I'm afraid.

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