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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU ruined holiday

111 replies

Tessabelle1 · 19/07/2018 16:10

After opinions as to whether I'm right to be mad at my husband!
He is currently on his last work placement as a student nurse, this is important as this needs to be passed to qualify which I fully understand. Now, we have made many sacrifices as a family over the last three years, financially especially as student bursary does not stretch far with 6 of us. We have made these knowing that in the long run we'll be better off. Here's my issue though, we had a weeks holiday booked starting on Saturday to Northumberland, a 4 hour drive away, it's been booked for months, I've got time off work etc. We've already had to curtail it, coming home on Thursday as its fallen on his long week and he needs to get 37 hours in, he's phoned me today to say his mentor has arranged to come in specially on TUESDAY (his rostered day off anyway) to sort out some paper work so he needs to go in! Now I'll admit I lost my temper and told him no and that I wouldn't even discuss it before hanging up! His placement lasts another three weeks, and he'll be there on Friday to do any paperwork, so am I bring unreasonable to be angry that he won't just tell his mentor he can't do it??

OP posts:
fascicle · 20/07/2018 09:39

Can he not have a conversation with his mentor to see if there's any chance to rearrange? What's the worst that could happen if he says he will be there if needed but is there any chance of moving the meeting? Seems daft not to have the conversation.

DontDoitDoris · 20/07/2018 09:43

It doesnt sound like he has taken "annual leave" as student dont get to choose.

Sounds like he has asked if he can do his 37.5 hours at the end of the week.
He hasnt done anything dodgy at all - he is entitled to do as he wishes on his days off.
However
This has now backfired as his Mentor is away and is coming in on their leave to do his paperwork.
Its a cock up but actually this is incredibly important .
No paperwork/sign off and no submission means he wont pass the course.

scarbados · 20/07/2018 10:05

Once he's qualified and working rather than being on placements, you'll have to get used to plans being disrupted at short notice, including the phone call ten minutes before his shift's meant to end telling you it'll be at least another 4 hours before he can get away.

sprinklesandsauce · 20/07/2018 10:09

YANBU, he has lied to you and let you book a holiday that there was a huge chance he wouldn't be able to go on.

If I were you I would ask around, all of your friends and family to see if anyone is able to go with you.

UneMoonit · 20/07/2018 10:13

I'm sorry, I have to admit I didn't read the update, the OP struck a particular chord with me and I just blundered right in like an idoot! Sorry Flowers

UneMoonit · 20/07/2018 10:14

Ah, idoot. Grin

Tessabelle1 · 20/07/2018 10:39

UneMoonIt that's my usual style tbh 🌹

OP posts:
DontDoitDoris · 20/07/2018 11:06

How has he lied ?
If he is rostered to work Fri -Sun then the Sat (preceding)- Thurs are his days off to do what he likes with.
Except unfortunately his paperwork wasnt completed and the Mentor is coming in on his /her holidays to do it.
Tough but find out the reasons why first before you go ballistic.
Im sure if it was your relative who was seriously ill you would prefer the Mentor to be working clinically rather than doing paperwork . Sometimes it just cant be helped
If its his fault then by all means go ballistic Grin

Tessabelle1 · 20/07/2018 11:29

His shifts this week are Wednesday Thursday rest days so he'd rearranged hours to fit holiday in. He didn't lie so much as not tell me he wasn't actually meant to take holiday and this could be a possibility when I booked my time off or I would have booked mine later after the placement was finished. My main issue is his lack of balls to say to his mentor about the holiday, I'm sure the mentor doesn't want to come in on his time off either so may be happy to rearrange but my husband daren't ask, the worst that will happen is he'll say no

OP posts:
fascicle · 20/07/2018 12:21

Based on your last sentence Tessa, I think it's worth pursuing this point with your husband and asking him what he thinks he's got to lose by asking. It's a nonsense that his assumption (that there's no other option/not worth talking to mentor) has such a major impact on your family holiday. In your position, I'd be tempted to offer to speak to his mentor on his behalf (not appropriate but it might prompt him to have the conversation himself).

DontDoitDoris · 20/07/2018 15:40

He didnt take "holiday " though, he arranged days off/rest days so that he could go away.
I dont think you understand that sometimes if its short staffed you cant just stop to do paperwork for your student ,patient care and safety has to come first.
Its not unusual sadly that nurses come in to do on their annual leave or days off to ensure it is submitted on time.

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