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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU ruined holiday

111 replies

Tessabelle1 · 19/07/2018 16:10

After opinions as to whether I'm right to be mad at my husband!
He is currently on his last work placement as a student nurse, this is important as this needs to be passed to qualify which I fully understand. Now, we have made many sacrifices as a family over the last three years, financially especially as student bursary does not stretch far with 6 of us. We have made these knowing that in the long run we'll be better off. Here's my issue though, we had a weeks holiday booked starting on Saturday to Northumberland, a 4 hour drive away, it's been booked for months, I've got time off work etc. We've already had to curtail it, coming home on Thursday as its fallen on his long week and he needs to get 37 hours in, he's phoned me today to say his mentor has arranged to come in specially on TUESDAY (his rostered day off anyway) to sort out some paper work so he needs to go in! Now I'll admit I lost my temper and told him no and that I wouldn't even discuss it before hanging up! His placement lasts another three weeks, and he'll be there on Friday to do any paperwork, so am I bring unreasonable to be angry that he won't just tell his mentor he can't do it??

OP posts:
Original poster
Tessabelle1 · 19/07/2018 23:00

We'll have a good time without him but we could have spent that money on a holiday in a a few weeks when he was finished!

OP posts:
LagunaBubbles · 19/07/2018 23:01

Tell him his presence is optional and if he'd rather go into work then he should, but don't let it ruin your holiday

Its not a case of "rather" being at work at all, I dont think you understand he needs this paperwork otherwise he wouldn't be able to practice as a nurse, that would be a bit of a waste of 3 years.
As it turns out he knew he shouldn't be booking holidays and chanced it, so OP yanbu to be mad.

Newmanwannabe · 19/07/2018 23:10

As an older nurse (of 20 years) this is where I think it it’s time to put professional boundaries in. All the grads seem to do that quite well nowadays. He needs to say I booked leave, I was told it would be fine can we reschedule for a few days later.

Just because you’re a nurse and work for the government doesn’t mean you need to put up with shit working conditions and being treated poorly. It’s time we nurses took back good conditions and pay

Sugarplumfairy65 · 19/07/2018 23:13

You posted the same a few months ago???

Newmanwannabe · 19/07/2018 23:17

Oops. I didn’t see the 1020 update.... professional boundaries work both ways.

YANBU to be angry. Maybe it’s like I said grads have no problem establishing what they want..... (sorry 180 degree back flip()

chicola · 19/07/2018 23:23

I'd be fucking livid.

Tell him to tell the mentor he's away next week.

Original poster
Tessabelle1 · 19/07/2018 23:28

Sugarplumfairy I most certainly didn't

OP posts:
Elliss2018 · 19/07/2018 23:31

I'm a student nurse and I've just finished my last placement (today!). Getting paperwork signed is such a stressful ball ache! You really do have to get it done when your mentor is available, it's so important! Uni won't allow us to register with the NMC if we are even missing one signature. Can you not postpone the holiday?

Sugarplumfairy65 · 19/07/2018 23:32

My apologies, someone posted an almost identical thread recently.

LotsToThinkOf · 19/07/2018 23:46

Oh Op I'd be livid, having read your update. He needs to be more organised, you've had to navigate family life and jobs around him so that he can achieve his dream, and this sounds like the straw that broke the camel's back. I imagine that this week away has been a goal to get to after a tough time, now it's been turned unto something else to organise and manage.

Tell your DH that if he wants to peruse a career as a nurse he has to organise himself better so that family time can be prioritised at times. Working for the NHS is bloody difficult but family time away really shouldn't be put on the back burner when there is so little of it. This has happened because of his inability to make a commitment and to communicate.

Original poster
Tessabelle1 · 19/07/2018 23:46

Hi Ellis, congratulations on sticking it out, you're amazing ☺ I understand its important, I'm mad because my husband didn't say this was a possibility, he finishes on 17th August so we could have gone away then but I won't get the holiday from work now 😔

OP posts:
Original poster
Tessabelle1 · 19/07/2018 23:47

Sugarplumfairy ☺

OP posts:
rosablue · 20/07/2018 00:00

I was originally thinking that you should tell him that if he doesn't tell his tutor that he has booked his holiday for next week and rearrange the meeting, then you will do it instead...

But then I read further and saw that he knew he wasn't supposed to take time off but went ahead and did so anyway, knowing that he could quite easily have waited 3 or 4 weeks and not had any problems. In which case - I would be absolutely livid in your shoes, especially given how tight money is and the need to be extra careful with it all, avoiding unnecessary spending like having 2 cars etc.

Not sure what would make me madder - the fact that he had told me that he had said that he'd been told this was a good time to go rather than telling the truth up front, that he hadn't thought it through properly and been prepared to wait less than a month more and in so doing jeopardizing the whole family holiday, the fact that he went ahead and put the remainder of the money down even knowing there was a problem brewing, the thought that he might be doing this deliberately to get a bit of peace and quiet to himself (I know you haven't mentioned this but can see he could think this) - and probably more things.

I would be icy raging mad and pointing out that he has massively screwed up despite plenty of opportunities to not have gone down that route or even to have changed things when he realised there was a problem - nope, he just kept ploughing on into disaster. I would also be pointing out that he will need to really up his game to make things right for you and the family over the next couple of years...

Original poster
Tessabelle1 · 20/07/2018 06:27

Rosablue it has crossed my mind that he may well have thought about time to himself, I'd like to think he wouldn't do that though, he dotes on the kids. I'm more mad about the fact he KNOWS I wouldn't go away on my own with the kids, not because I can't or don't enjoy them but because as a lone parent I can't do some of the things I had planned due to the 5 year gap between the 2 youngest, sometimes you need one with the older ones and one with the younger one

OP posts:
Memom · 20/07/2018 07:54

Have you got someone that could go along with you? Mum? Best mate?

BentOutOfShape · 20/07/2018 08:12

I wouldn't be mad. It's done now and he is the one who will lose out the most. He didn't think it through properly. It's not like he purposely sabotaged the holiday. I'd save getting mad for things where people have been deliberately unkind or selfish.

Could you take anyone else?

What about megabus? Is there any that go close?

TheFairyCaravan · 20/07/2018 08:17

I’m sorry he’s done this to you Tessa. I thought it might be the case that he knew he shouldn’t have booked the holiday but went ahead anyway. What an arse he’s been.

I can’t say I blame you about not relishing the thought of going away with all the kids on your own but I hope, if you do go, that you have a good time. He owes you big time for this. 💐

Original poster
Tessabelle1 · 20/07/2018 08:20

Memom unfortunately at this short notice I don't think anyone would get the time off work to come with us 😔

OP posts:
8FencingWire · 20/07/2018 08:27

Right. Why don’t you go, he can join you on Tuesday night after he finished with the paperwork?

He’s going to be in a big shock when he qualifies if his organisational skill are so bad!!! You’re right to be mad at him.

ScrubTheDecks · 20/07/2018 08:48

Absolutely exasperating!

I am not surprised you are cross, OP.

OK, he has to prioritise his course, but that is exactly why he should have said not to book until there was no chance of him not being finished. And as for leaving it until after you paid the balance to tell you the problems.....

Go without him, stay the whole week but have a serious talk with him about how his poor planning / decision making / communication affects the whole family.

UneMoonit · 20/07/2018 08:56

YAB totally U

He has had his holiday pissed on by work as much as you, he knows that it's unavoidable and on top of it he has you having a go at him for it.

Would you like it if, on top of your situation you had someone being angry at you for it? That's what is happening to DH.

I'd calm down, apologise and find a way to work around it. Hopefully he can join you later, and if he can't because he has to work in his holiday, try to remember that it is him who has to work in his holiday, not you.

LuluJakey1 · 20/07/2018 08:57

Northumberland is beautiful at the moment. Weeks of sun, no one here (as usual), miles of empty beaches, stunning countryside. Come without him and have a fabulous time. Best place in the world.

Original poster
Tessabelle1 · 20/07/2018 09:22

UneMoonIt I can only assume you haven't read the whole thread as he hadn't had his holiday passed as he told me he had or I wouldn't have booked it. His holiday has been pi##ed on because he thought he could dodge the system

OP posts:
Snowysky20009 · 20/07/2018 09:23

UneMoonit read the update!

OP no wonder you are pissed off! I was all for not his fault, until I read your update. Hope you have a nice time on holiday regardless.

Original poster
Tessabelle1 · 20/07/2018 09:36

Oh and UneMoonIt, he'll have the house to himself for 7 days and I'll be in a caravan with 4 kids so I dispute him not getting a holiday too!

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