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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU ruined holiday

111 replies

Tessabelle1 · 19/07/2018 16:10

After opinions as to whether I'm right to be mad at my husband!
He is currently on his last work placement as a student nurse, this is important as this needs to be passed to qualify which I fully understand. Now, we have made many sacrifices as a family over the last three years, financially especially as student bursary does not stretch far with 6 of us. We have made these knowing that in the long run we'll be better off. Here's my issue though, we had a weeks holiday booked starting on Saturday to Northumberland, a 4 hour drive away, it's been booked for months, I've got time off work etc. We've already had to curtail it, coming home on Thursday as its fallen on his long week and he needs to get 37 hours in, he's phoned me today to say his mentor has arranged to come in specially on TUESDAY (his rostered day off anyway) to sort out some paper work so he needs to go in! Now I'll admit I lost my temper and told him no and that I wouldn't even discuss it before hanging up! His placement lasts another three weeks, and he'll be there on Friday to do any paperwork, so am I bring unreasonable to be angry that he won't just tell his mentor he can't do it??

OP posts:

Flyme21 · 19/07/2018 17:27

I don't know why you are getting a hard time Op. Holiday booked with your husband's agreement for dates when he was told he would be free. Then his mentor has decided that he wants him to come in on a day when he isn't rostered to be in work anyway. Your husband should have used his common sense and immediately told his mentor that not only was that his rostered day off, but he would be on the family holiday, and therefore not available.
What an idiot, not surprised you are pissed off.

(I used to work in the NHS by the way and know exactly what I'd have said in these circumstances).

Loonoon · 19/07/2018 17:34

It’s not just the NHS or even just public sector. My DH works in a large, privately owned company and sometimes has to go in/work when he is supposedly on holiday - if a fee paying client says ‘jump’ and you want to keep their business, sometimes the only acceptable answer is ‘how high?’ Not ‘can it wait until next week?’

melonscoffer · 19/07/2018 17:34

I wouldn't want my husband to drive an eight hour round trip when he is in the stressfull final weeks.

AdoraBell · 19/07/2018 17:45

OP read This I Going To Hurt.

Butterymuffin · 19/07/2018 17:51

Can't believe the hard time OP is getting for thinking her husband should have spoken up like an adult and at least have asked if the paperwork could be done a different day! Thank heavens for sensible people like SummerB and Flyme21 who have worked in the NHS and still say there are more options than meekly saying nothing.

AcrossthePond55 · 19/07/2018 17:59

I think YABU. He's doing what he's doing to improve life for all of you. I'd say he's probably at the mercy of his tutor as to when this paperwork gets done.

Can't you and the DC go on Saturday and then he takes the train or bus and joins you Tuesday evening or Wednesday? My DH once had to fly and join us a few days into a holiday because of his work. No biggie.

MaisyPops · 19/07/2018 18:05

The hard time is for anyone who knowingly books a holiday when they haven't completed a course over time where it would be more than reasonable for a full time student to attend and have elements of the course to do, sign off etc.

If he was told explicitly that he is perfectly fine to take holiday and be away from the area during that time then there should be no issue with him saying he needs to rearrange the meeting until after his agreed holiday.
If it's a case of 'still placement/uni time but has informally managed to get his shifts to fit so he has a few days off in a row' then he probably isn't meant to be on holiday.

TacoLover · 19/07/2018 18:08

Well if he can't do anything about it and he didn't choose for it to happen then what are you angry at him for

Racecardriver · 19/07/2018 18:08

Just go without him.

KokoandAllBall · 19/07/2018 18:16

He hasn't told his mentor he has a holiday booked. Is he an extremely non confrontational person? It seems so.

What can you do? You and the kids go on holiday and he can put in a few more hours I suppose... That, or open his mouth and communicate with his mentor...

Original poster

Tessabelle1 · 19/07/2018 18:17

Thank you for all your input ☺ I've sent him a text apologising for getting upset and suggesting we can talk later. His mentor specifically told him this placement is meant to assist them on time management so doing his required hours on different days is totally acceptable as they appreciate most students are working or have other commitments. For the record for anyone that doesn't know, student nurses don't get "holidays" as such, most half terms etc have had at least one uni session in the middle of them, they start uni earlier in the year and finish later than other students do too. It's bloody hard work and no matter how miffed I was this afternoon I'm bloody proud of him for doing it, nurses rock!

OP posts:

AngelsSins · 19/07/2018 18:21

YABU you should have waited until after he finished his course

Yeah OP, you’re unreasonable for not being a mind reader and knowing that he was wrong when he asked you to book the holiday for this date

Queenbee93 · 19/07/2018 18:30

You're being selfish.
I'm sure he'd much rather go away but this is the way it has to be.
Be supportive. He's trying to better his education and job prospects not only for himself but for the good of his family.
Stupid time to book a holiday anyway really.

Queenbee93 · 19/07/2018 18:32

Ok OP, thanks for updating us.
Glad that you're sorting things out now and you've apologised!
I think it's fab that your DH is studying to become a nurse!

ShakingInTheHighCourt · 19/07/2018 18:35

Whether he has or will ask for the meeting to be rescheduled is the crux of if Yabu or not. In a private health setting one would hope the staffing is a bit better than an nhs ward. However, if Friday is, for example, their busiest surgery day and Tuesday tends to be quiet then you will just have to suck it up.

When we know if he’s asked about this we can give you a verdict!

SporkInTheToaster · 19/07/2018 18:37

I am a nurse and work with nursing students. IME, students get a planner at the beginning of their course which sets out their theory, practice (clinical placement) and specific allocated annual leave weeks. Sometimes these dates move a little, but not significantly, and all students have it hammered home that they must NOT take holidays outside of the allotted annual leave weeks.

Final/sign off placement is critical and even if he has completed his hours (either for the week, for the placement or indeed to satisfy the NMC’s 2300hr requirement) he is still obliged to remain available until the official end date of his placement.

I know it is frustrating and you must all be running out of steam by this point, but the end is in sight now. Don’t punish him for behaving professionally and inadvertently push him into jeopardising passing. It would be a sad waste of everyone’s sacrifice and efforts. Please continue to support his efforts to cross the finish line.

SporkInTheToaster · 19/07/2018 18:38

On, Op. that’s great. I missed your update. Kudos to you.

HesterMacaulay · 19/07/2018 18:44

CammieKennaway · 19/07/2018 19:03

Sorry but I think YABU - when I trained as nurse, we had no say over whether we could choose when to see our assessors, trainers etc - we were literally told "Be there at this time - or else" basically.
It's unfair and I do feel so sorry for you - but I also feel sorry your OH as I've been in his shoes.
I know it's a long drive but at a push, can he not either come to the holiday late or make the journey back on Tuesday and then come back to the holiday?

If he had holidays booked in then his senior management are the ones being unfair and maybe he could contact HR although at this late stage, they probably wouldn't do much.

If I were him, I'd come on holiday as agreed, do the annoying travelling on Tuesday and then come back for the holiday - but then if you're coming home on the Thursday is it worth him being knackered for the last day of the holiday?

I hope you get it sorted x

Original poster

Tessabelle1 · 19/07/2018 19:07

If he comes with us in his car on Saturday then he could come home on Tuesday but I wouldn't want him driving back up again as his meeting is at 5pm so he'd be knackered. It's a 4 hour drive so realistically if he's home on Tuesday we'll be finishing the holiday without him which is not what I'd imagined. If I'd known for sure when he finished I'd have arranged something for then 😔

OP posts:

CammieKennaway · 19/07/2018 19:19

:(
I really do feel for you all - it must feel like a no-win situation (and I've just read your update about you texting him which I think was a lovely thing to do. We all get stressed and in your shoes, I would too).

We've just got back from a holiday from hell where we'd waited all year and had been really excited and ended up having to come home early because I woke up really, really ill on the morning we left and I was so ill for the whole holiday that we didn't really do anything ..... so we've made up for it by booking twice as long next year.
Hopefully, you'll manage to do something similar xx

Original poster

Tessabelle1 · 19/07/2018 19:50

Oh no! I hope you're feeling better now Cammie! We're going abroad next year to celebrate him qualifying so I'll make triple sure he's booked the time and got it confirmed!

OP posts:

Original poster

Tessabelle1 · 19/07/2018 22:22

So, talked to my husband who is apparently well aware that he's not meant to take holidays during placement but thought he could get away with it! Apparently his mentor is on holiday next week so is coming in either Monday OR Tuesday on his holiday to sort the paperwork out so they don't get distracted!! I'm raging again now! Husband's idea is to travel up in 2 cars on Saturday, him to come back Sunday evening in case the mentor comes on Monday, if he doesn't he'll have to stay until Tuesday, have his meeting then travel back up north Tuesday night and then home again Thursday!! We have a tiny budget as it is and fuel for that would use it all, I so mad because we only paid the balance on Monday and if I'd known this may happen I'd have just said forget it and lost the deposit. As it stands now I've said it seems stupid to do all that messing around and he'd be better staying here which he agreed!! I'm now having to go on my own or lose £250! Why would he let me book anything?? I don't care what anyone else says, I don't believe I'm being unreasonable to be mad now 😡

OP posts:

Josieannathe2nd · 19/07/2018 22:31

Ouch. I would be mad too. It’s not acceptable to be that incompetent with following instructions that he’s trying to messed up the whole family’s summer holiday.

MaisyPops · 19/07/2018 22:52

So, talked to my husband who is apparently well aware that he's not meant to take holidays during placement but thought he could get away with it!
I'm afraid that's the situation I thought it sounded like earlier in the thread (hence why I was a bit 'hmmm' about him being on holiday in the middle of placement/term time)

He's managed to get his shifts to give him a few days off, has chanced his arm and it's backfired.

You are well withon your rights to be angry at him OP.

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