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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you allow your DC to drink at this party?

150 replies

PyongyangKipperbang · 14/06/2018 15:33

DD is 16 and her friend is having an end of GCSE's party. Friends mum is allowing them to have alcohol, but she is sensible so I am sure it wont be gallons of the stuff. Even so I have said that DD is to have no more than 3 drinks on the basis that she will probably have 4, so if I say 4 she will have 5....!

I am happy with this but due to a couple of raised eyebrows after I mentioned it to friends, wondering what others would do.

OP posts:
TakemedowntoPotatoCity · 14/06/2018 15:37

At 17 I puked and passed out with my head squashed down the side of an armchair at my friend's house. Just saying! I think your dd will stop at whatever number she wants, tbh.

Camomila · 14/06/2018 15:38

I'd say 1 drink max and assume she'd have 2.

I'd be drunk after 3 drinks and i'm not 16.

I remember the first parties I went to with alchohol provided by parents (16th birthdays usually) it was a strictly rationed 1 drink each so hopefully your DDs friends parents will be similar.

TakemedowntoPotatoCity · 14/06/2018 15:39

Presuming dd's friend's mum won't be there.

WatchingFromTheWings · 14/06/2018 15:40

I've a 16yo DD and I'd let her drink at a party. I know she doesn't like the taste of alcohol (even when heavily diluted with lemonade!) so she's not likely to have much if any at all!

MadMaryBoddington · 14/06/2018 15:41

3 is too many.

letsallhaveanap · 14/06/2018 15:43

Yeah I think you are being realistic because she will drink whatever you say and at least this way she can contact you if there any problems because she wont be having to lie or cover up having been drinking... so I guess its slightly safer.
I got very very drunk at a party after GCSEs, I think most people do/did tbf. That was under my own steam however...
The parties i attended where some alcohol had been provided by parents actually tended to be ones where people got less drunk....
I remember going to one where we all got two bottles of WKD each. That was it... and it was still a fun night.
So as a parent id probably actually err on the side of providing limited alcohol as I know what happens when teens take it on themselves to provide alcohol... giant bottles of spirits or those giant things of cheap cider happen.

Seeline · 14/06/2018 15:43

3 vodkas (not measured) or 3 small weak shandies? Is she used to drinking at all?

SamanthaH92 · 14/06/2018 15:45

3 is to many imo, I'd be drunk of 1 now.
Teenages will do what ever there friends do though so if someone is having more she will probably have more. End of GCSEs or not i wouldn't allow it.

BertrandRussell · 14/06/2018 15:47

At 16 I just said "be sensible and safe". No point putting a number on it- I think you should avoid putting them in a position where they may think they have no choice but to lie. And if they've agreed to only have 3 and have more and need rescuing they may not feel able to call for help.

nomorespaghetti · 14/06/2018 15:47

In my day it was all alcopops Grin three blue wkds would have me fairly well gone (even now!)

Others are right, she'll drink as many as she wants. Make sure she has a good meal beforehand!

PrettyLovely · 14/06/2018 15:48

I would let her in this scenario.

smallchanceofrain · 14/06/2018 15:48

It depends what they're drinking. If it's something well watered down with a mixer 3 is fine. If not she'll possibly make herself ill.

My neighbours let their 16 year old have alcohol at her birthday party - for a few close friends. They arrived home to find the house trashed by about 40 teens.

It was most unedifying for them to be screaming abuse at the little sods who were throwing things out of their bedroom window at 2 in the morning - but very entertaining for us!

Treaclepie19 · 14/06/2018 15:48

I don't see anything wrong with that.
I agree about parental involvement meaning less drunk teens anyway.

Also, 3 drinks now would make me tipsy. When I was 16 they wouldn't have Wink

MrsTerryPratchett · 14/06/2018 15:49

I think drinking sensibly is learned. I would talk to her about alcohol poisoning, what a unit of alcohol looks like when it's vodka or beer, how to look after drunk friends and what not to do (drive being the obvious one but also swim/have sex etc.).

Make it as boring as possible Grin

Oxfordblue · 14/06/2018 15:50

I went to a party & (stupidly) drank lager & martini Confused
I woke up, bent over a bath full of sick, with a crowd of people trying to revive me, cold water from the shower on my head & someone's fingers down my throat. Turns out they were mine.

Never take it for granted kids will know when to stop.

siwel123 · 14/06/2018 15:51

Nothing wrong with your plan.
After doing GCSE exams she deserves to let her hair down and as long as you can trust her not to get absolutely plastered having a few drinks don't abd

Chapterandverse · 14/06/2018 15:51

Does she drink anything at home at all? Has she been out with friends at parties?

I think trust just has to come in somewhere. And by 'allowing' her to have three you show you trust her.

My dd drinks kopperberg at home (1 or 2) with us if we're socialising or having a do of any kind. But I would definitely be expecting her to have more when with her friends and no parental presence.... It will be her headache the next day, not mine Grin

I'm not a strict parent, but dd (16.5) can approach me with anything, I'm not her friend either, but it's sort of a mutual respect.

She has been to parties where the friends parent was on holiday and unaware of it, but any party thrown at mine I have been fully aware of (and don't mind as long as the house is left as they found it)

In 2 years time she's going to be off to uni anyway and I certainly won't have any say in her stopping at 3.

But ultimately it's your (and your dd's) agreed decision that matters.

Original poster
PyongyangKipperbang · 14/06/2018 15:52

I am being realistic I think. The party is starting at 6 and finishing at midnight, so 3 beer strength drinks in 6 hours is ok.

I remember when I was 16 and 3 drinks would just be the start, we would all get into a right old state. And yes, that was because there was no adult supervision with booze, we would sneak our own. I am also aware of the safety aspect, I would never want to her to stay in an unsafe situation for fear of getting a bollocking for drinking.

OP posts:
Sweetheart · 14/06/2018 15:52

I would and have allowed my dd to drink in these circumstances. We are very open about alcohol in our house because when I was growing up my parents were very strict about it and I know that I lied to them and went and did whatever I wanted to anyway. I also think my mental relationship with booze now would be better if my parents had handled things differently when I was a teenager.

19lottie82 · 14/06/2018 15:53

She’s 16, I don’t think you can really stop her.

Just have a chat with her and as someone has advised, discuss the units in each drink, knowing her limits, looking after her friends, letting her know she can call you to get her at any point etc etc

Stephisaur · 14/06/2018 15:56

If the parents are hosting the party, I would expect it to be quite tame - alcopops and the like.

When I was that age, I went to a party where we ended up mixing vodka, malibu and juice and downing it in a pint glass. I don't remember much about that party Grin

As long as there are adults around in case of any issues, I think it'll be fine.

statetrooperstacey · 14/06/2018 15:57

We had a BBQ type party for one of my dcs 16 th. he had about 8 friends and I bought those mini bottles of beer, they were allowed 3 each. It was fine apart from one who deliberately sneaked a couple more. Even that was ok tho he was just a bit pissed but had to try and pretend he wasn't 😁 It was fun, they built a bike.

longtallwalker · 14/06/2018 15:58

It's the end of GCSES. She'll probably do ink whatever she wants. Be realistic - make sure she eats well before hand and don't let her sleepover. Even if you have to pick her up at 2am, do it. Then you know she'll sleep safely in your house and you'll have a valuable
Future gauge as to how much she drinks and be able to chat about it accordingly. The drinking-to-much underage stage is quite short... just be there to minimise risks and be open

longtallwalker · 14/06/2018 15:58

Both mine drank at parties post GCSE.
Lucky parents if their children don't- but most do!

Flowerpotbicycle · 14/06/2018 15:59

At 16 I was in nightclubs 😂 and almost every one of my friends were drinking.
My mum and dad were realistic and knew what we were up to so I would call them if I encountered any issues. Also I learnt my limits with alcohol very quickly and became responsible with it because I was allowed to