Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you allow your DC to drink at this party?

150 replies

PyongyangKipperbang · 14/06/2018 15:33

DD is 16 and her friend is having an end of GCSE's party. Friends mum is allowing them to have alcohol, but she is sensible so I am sure it wont be gallons of the stuff. Even so I have said that DD is to have no more than 3 drinks on the basis that she will probably have 4, so if I say 4 she will have 5....!

I am happy with this but due to a couple of raised eyebrows after I mentioned it to friends, wondering what others would do.

OP posts:
Chapterandverse · 14/06/2018 15:59

Will the parents be there?

Eg: there is an end of term party at mine soon - I won't be there for the full evening as I have a late shift. I'm not sure if dd's friends parents know that though...

For the record I am supplying snacks only and whatever they bring to drink will be their business. But as they're being picked up again by their parents I am guessing it won't be too hot and heavy!

Susikettu · 14/06/2018 16:00

I think it would be unreasonable for you to expect her not to have a few drinks, especially if they are provided and she wants to drink. 16 is a good age to start to learn the limits of alcohol before they go off to uni at 18 when it's legal and totally get smashed off their faces as they haven't learnt anything previous. This is a much safer way to do it.

LuMarie · 14/06/2018 16:01

I wouldn't want to but...

I would allow it. Supervising parent is there, other kids will be, yours will probably do it without your knowledge and out of control if you try to make it forbidden.

I was the only one of my friends growing up who didn't have a curfew and whose mother said, just be very careful, don't mix drinks, remember you don't need to drink the bar dry, always have money separate for a cab home and leave if you start to feel unwell.

I was also the only one of my friends who was always home early and I rarely drank, now I never do.

Forbidden fruit and making a teenager hate you, unfortunately that backfires.

Yes definitely the open discussion about different types of alcohol, the effects, what is wrong effect and have to go home, spacing them out (soft drink of water in between is a good tip for everyone), call you if there is a problem and there will be no judgement from you, stupid things people do when drunk, things to never do when drinking and that you don't have to drink just because others are!

Maximum is a good idea, although three in six hours, as a non drinker I'd be sloshed:)

Original poster
PyongyangKipperbang · 14/06/2018 16:01

She does have a beer at home sometimes, and she has been to a couple of other parties with booze. She is always home by her curfew, or ready to be picked up if the party is outside the village.

I just think it is sensible to be aware that she will probably drink anyway, so me trying to stop her would just create a situation where she lies about it. I am not so naive as to think she wouldnt drink if I said not to. And frankly, as a PP said, she will be off to Uni in a couple of years, I would rather that by the time she leaves, she has some experience and knowledge of alcohol and its effects.

OP posts:
mostdays · 14/06/2018 16:03

I would have had 10, lurched home blasted, puked all over the place, sworn to you that I'd only had 3 and passed out.

Chocolatecake12 · 14/06/2018 16:04

You know your dd better than anyone. Your friends might raise their eyebrows but so what? Have the courage to make your own decisions for your own dd and don’t doubt yourself.
My ds had a 16th birthday party. There was alcohol and I monitored it but to give them their due, they were actually very sensible!
I hope your dd has a great time letting her hair down after all this hard work they’ve put in.

Flowerpotbicycle · 14/06/2018 16:04

@mostdays 😂😂😂

Thymeout · 14/06/2018 16:05

At 16, I'm hoping that most of them won 't have experienced being drunk. So they have no idea of their limits. If they're not used to alcohol, 2 drinks could have them puking and passing out. I hope someone is supervising this party and frisking the guests as they arrive. I wouldn't be at all happy about sending my 16 year old to find out for herself what happens when unaccompanied minors drink too much.

Original poster
PyongyangKipperbang · 14/06/2018 16:05

I would have had 10, lurched home blasted, puked all over the place, sworn to you that I'd only had 3 and passed out.

Are you my sister?? :o:o

She did exactly this one NYE!

OP posts:
Parker231 · 14/06/2018 16:06

She’ll drink as much as she wants - not something you can police. She’ll probably have too much.

bluemoonchances · 14/06/2018 16:07

I think you're being realistic. To say no drinking will end up with your DD potentially lying to you. Could you contact the parent and see what their intentions are re alcohol?

When I was 16 we would drink hell of a lot more than parents thought but there is parents could have stopped that!

bluemoonchances · 14/06/2018 16:08

Should have read there was no way parents could have stopped that!

Original poster
PyongyangKipperbang · 14/06/2018 16:09

Looks like friends mum is going to be there.

She is a lovely woman, very easy going but sensible.

OP posts:
Missingstreetlife · 14/06/2018 16:10

Are there adults there to support if things get out of hand? Presume this is not her first experience of alcohol?

RoseanneBarred · 14/06/2018 16:15

@mostdays GrinGrin

DS1 asked to go to a post GCSE party, told us he intended to get hammered and couldn't understand why we were Hmm

I don't mind beer at but not keen on him drinking spirits.

We will see what happens...

Thesearepearls · 14/06/2018 16:16

^I would have had 10, lurched home blasted, puked all over the place, sworn to you that I'd only had 3 and passed out*

This. I am completely sure that the OP's DD will ignore all sensible advice or parental restrictions once she's at the party

Can't imagine either of mine would have taken any notice of a restriction placed on them by an absent parent

You can't stop her going and she probably will get drunk but that's not the end of the world - teenagers push boundaries

BikeRunSki · 14/06/2018 16:16

A 16 year old who is not used to drinking will be absolutely hammered on 4 drinks!

Tbh, give her an inch and she’ll take a mile, regardless what you agree beforehand. Her resolve will crumble after the first sniff of alcohol and peer pressure.

speakout · 14/06/2018 16:16

I don't really think you have much say in this.

You have to trust her to behave sensibly.

MargoLovebutter · 14/06/2018 16:19

Yup. It is at someone's house who you know and she will have to go home at some point & face you. To give her a fighting chance, stuff her full of food beforehand & tell her not to mix different drinks.

I think this kind of environment is a good way to start & for a 16 year old to get a feel of the effects of alcohol, particularly if they haven't really had any ever at home.

Ansumpasty · 14/06/2018 16:20

I think i’d reiterate to her that you are serious about the no more than 3 drinks rule and are trusting her and don’t want to be disappointed.
Also, agree on a time that you will be collecting her, don’t let her sleep out

Motheroffourdragons · 14/06/2018 16:22

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ on behalf of the poster.

Original poster
PyongyangKipperbang · 14/06/2018 16:23

She will be coming home, I know she will be in by her curfew, not least because friends mum will sling them out! She is walking home with a couple of other friends who live in the same road as us.

OP posts:
Loopytiles · 14/06/2018 16:23

A PP’s believes that her DD won’t drink because she reportedly dislikes the taste of alcohol - that’s an old chestnut!

FASH84 · 14/06/2018 16:23

I think it's fine, she'll likely do it anyway at least if you're aware there's less incentive to go mad because it's 'forbidden' it shows her you trust her too.

nonevernotever · 14/06/2018 16:25

At that age my parents said something along the lines of " We know there will be alcohol there. If you want to have a couple of beers / cider / glasses of wine we understand but we would prefer you not to drink spirits." The result was I had 2 pints of cider whereas pretty much everyone else who had been told by their parents not to drink at all ended up paralytic, and in some cases in hospital with alcohol poisoning. (In the end police had to be called plus host's parents summoned back to help deal with the mess.)