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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you allow your DC to drink at this party?

150 replies

PyongyangKipperbang · 14/06/2018 15:33

DD is 16 and her friend is having an end of GCSE's party. Friends mum is allowing them to have alcohol, but she is sensible so I am sure it wont be gallons of the stuff. Even so I have said that DD is to have no more than 3 drinks on the basis that she will probably have 4, so if I say 4 she will have 5....!

I am happy with this but due to a couple of raised eyebrows after I mentioned it to friends, wondering what others would do.

OP posts:
LionAllMessy · 14/06/2018 17:28

Of course you can stop them. Whatever happened to parental disapproval

Maybe people don't disapprove that strongly? The reminiscing shows that it's not seen as particularly worrying.

Thesearepearls · 14/06/2018 17:28

Whatever happened to parental disapproval? Doesn't it work any more?
Kids thrive on it :)

Original poster
PyongyangKipperbang · 14/06/2018 17:31

What are the eyebrow-raising parents raising eyebrows about?

Me allowing her alcohol.

Of course you can stop them. Whatever happened to parental disapproval? Doesn't it work any more?

It never worked ime! It just led to teens, especially girls, staying in dangerous situations because their parents would hit the roof over them drinking. One friend of mine lost her virginity at 16 so she would have a place to sleep rather than go home because her parents would be angry with her. To this day she regrets it and wishes she could have felt able to call her parents and go home. She is determined that her children never feel the need to do anything like that.

Expectations of 'normal' teenage behaviour seem to have nose-dived in recent years.

Not at all, in fact my teens and their friends have got up to far less than I did at their age, the difference being that they dont feel the need to lie about it and I am realistic about what they do. My parents were very naive about what we would do as teenagers because their own teen years had been so much more sheletred (in the 60's which wasnt, contrary to popular belief, as wild for most teenagers as people think). They disapproved, but we did it anyway and they, for the most part, never found out.

OP posts:
Uyulala · 14/06/2018 17:32

Whatever happened to parental disapproval? Doesn't it work any more?

Almost everything they told me not to do, I found a way to do. Parental disapproval just made it seem more enticing.

daisypond · 14/06/2018 17:37

All my three DDs had alcohol at parties post GCSE. They all attended festivals that summer after GCSE where no doubt they had alcohol there too. I'm realistic. I'm sure they had alcohol before their GCSE years as well at various parties, smuggled in by various people. Now two of them are in their later teens, they hardly drink any alcohol at all.

ThePeasantsAreAtTheGates · 14/06/2018 17:40

It is a worry when they go to parties where alcohol will be flowing. My children are adults now, but at that age I would reinforce to eat before and during the party, to alternate alcoholic and non alcoholic drinks and to only have drinks they had poured/mixed themselves. DD1 usually ended up having to care for friends who were drunk/stoned and incapable (even roping us in a couple of times when drunken friend's parents were uncontactable) which eventually put her off going to parties.

Poloshot · 14/06/2018 17:43

She'll be hammered by 8o'clock it's how it goes

saltandvinegarcrisps1 · 14/06/2018 18:02

If you got a DC that's not interested in drinking (I've got one who drinks (17) and one who doesn't (20)) it's very easy to forbid it and say you won't allow it. But it's almost impossible to stop a teen of 15 plus drinking if they want to do it. Giving them 3 weak beers to take is also pointless - might make you feel better but it won't stop them on the hard stuff if they are determined to have it. Agree with other posters 're them not calling for help if in trouble cos of worries about parental reaction. That's happened to me - had to go and pick up DD's friend who was rolling around drunk in the mud as she was too scared to call her mum. And this was about 9pm on a Tuesday night after dance class (aged 15 and a half)!!!

Original poster
PyongyangKipperbang · 15/06/2018 00:50

She'll be hammered by 8o'clock it's how it goes

No she wont, I am sure of that. And I will cheerfully post an update tomorrow night where you can tell me you told me so if I am wrong.

OP posts:
Monty27 · 15/06/2018 00:56

Are boys going to be there? I would give her carter blanche with a caveat that you pick her up at some point.
Sweet 16 ahhhhh. Hope she has a great night and does well on results.
Wine Smile

DiegoMadonna · 15/06/2018 00:59

Carter Blanche? Sounds like the sassy American friend.

Monty27 · 15/06/2018 01:02

Errr there was a typo there with an extra r.
At least it's not a Cartier watch we're talking about here. Wink

Loandbeholdagain · 15/06/2018 01:04

Drinking after GCSEs is normal rite of passage stuff. I think your approach sounds realistic and balanced. I'm always surprised by how many mumsnet parents think they can avoid their late teens children drinking by 'forbidding it'. I was in with a well behaved crowd as a teenager and we were all drinking moderately on such occasions as 15-18 year olds. No-one died, was raped or hospitalised. It doesn't always have to be extremes.

DiegoMadonna · 15/06/2018 01:06

You can drink, but here, take Carter Blanche with you, she'll use her wit to fend off any unwanted advances and I know she'll take care of you if you drink too much.

Monty27 · 15/06/2018 01:08

Oops wrong threadSmile
Now I need to copy and paste to post on the correct thread. DM is coming to pick me up soon so I need to go before she knows how much coke I have had. (This is lighhearted) Wine

Mountainsoutofmolehills · 15/06/2018 01:10

bah. she is not going to stop at 3 drinks. Just make sure there aren't any boys there.

happymummy12345 · 15/06/2018 01:15

I would. But then again I was having a small wine with meals from the age of 10ish, and allowed spirits with mixers from age 13. As a result I grew up to know how to drink responsibly and not abuse it in secret. I was allowed to drink at home which meant my parents knew what I was drinking, how much I'd had and that it was proper stuff. Not drinking cheap rubbish behind their backs. Hence why now I don't get drunk, I don't get hangovers and I have a high tolerance.

Italiangreyhound · 15/06/2018 01:20

At 16 I got completely pissed on Southern Comfort and I think I threw up in someone's bath tub (it was at a house party). Luckily a nice person who took me to the party took me home and was a total gentleman.

Just make sure her phone is charged and has credit, she knows to call you and even if something does 'happen unexpectedly' and she is ill 'unexpectedly' you will collect her!

TheKrakening3 · 15/06/2018 01:37

the Don’t Like the Taste parents are the same type who believe their teen’s drink spiking story, when said teen ends up having their stomach
pumped in emergency.

LM1970 · 15/06/2018 01:40

I remember when DD was 14- it was DNiece1 18th birthday and DD, Dniece 2 (also 14) and DNiece2 friend (15) stole a bottle of vodka and drank it between themselves.

I didn’t bollock her, just didn’t molly coddle her when she was hungover (my SIL caught them drinking) and made her help clean up after the party the next day when she was feeling like shit and wanted to be in bed.

It’s one of those things they have to learn on their own I’m afraid. And I’m sure you would rather she do it in her friends house rather than in a park or the like.

I’ve never encouraged her to drink, just understand it was going to happen at some point. She just realised that actions come with consequences.

Original poster
PyongyangKipperbang · 15/06/2018 01:48

Is Carter Blanche a professional chaperone?! I will book her if so :o

OP posts:
Original poster
PyongyangKipperbang · 15/06/2018 01:56

I should say that I thoroughly disapprove of giving teens alcopops as an alternative to "proper" drinks. If it tastes like pop then they are likely to drink more of it than say beer or wine, and more likely to get into a state surely?

OP posts:
Monty27 · 15/06/2018 02:29

OP Grin
If she does stroll in, in one piece, you just call hello like nothing has bothered you all night whilst casually watching. TV or whatever you do.
I am pretty sure you will cope no matter. It isn't like you were born yesterday which has been a mantra of mine Grin

Perfectly1mperfect · 15/06/2018 02:43

Yes, I would allow this. She sounds sensible, there will be parents around and she has drank alcohol before. I think for sensible kids, if you show them you trust them, they will most often stay within the rules you set. You have given her very reasonable rules so it doesn't sound like she will 'need' to push it too far hopefully. Better she learns to drink safely with you being aware than goes down the park and it go horribly wrong.

Would she be willing to maybe send a couple of texts to you throughout the evening just so you know she's ok ? I bet she's very happy to have her GCSEs over and done with, I still remember the feeling !

PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks · 15/06/2018 02:56

Good luck with that. Hmm