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AIBU?

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Original poster

Would you allow your DC to drink at this party?

150 replies

PyongyangKipperbang · 14/06/2018 15:33

DD is 16 and her friend is having an end of GCSE's party. Friends mum is allowing them to have alcohol, but she is sensible so I am sure it wont be gallons of the stuff. Even so I have said that DD is to have no more than 3 drinks on the basis that she will probably have 4, so if I say 4 she will have 5....!

I am happy with this but due to a couple of raised eyebrows after I mentioned it to friends, wondering what others would do.

OP posts:
crrrzy · 15/06/2018 04:14

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ for privacy reasons.

BedtimeTea · 15/06/2018 04:32

My kid would not be attending that party.

Willow2017 · 15/06/2018 09:00

The Don’t Like the Taste parents are the same type who believe their teen’s drink spiking story, when said teen ends up having their stomach
pumped in emergency.

Oh grow up, why is it so difficult to imagine some people just do not like alcohol? Its not compulsory you know. I know people in thier 50s who have never drunk alcohol as they just dont like the taste. Amazingly enough they have managed to enjoy life without it.

My kids have tried various different drinks and they just dont like the taste. My eldest wont even eat a pudding with a hint of alcohol in it he hates it. Dont judge everyone by your standards.

Loopytiles · 15/06/2018 10:37

Some teens who say they dislike alcohol won’t drink then, or in the future.

Some teens who don’t drink now will drink in the future, could happen at any time. Like the PP who began drinking on becoming a parent Grin

Some will SAY they don’t drink, eg don’t like the taste, as a traditional ruse to fool parents, and actually do drink.

My mother’s way of managing this was to refuse sleepovers on nights we were going to the pub or a party, go to bed early but set an alarm for our curfew time, get up and have a loooong chat on our return!

Loopytiles · 15/06/2018 10:38

My sibling was once sick outside the front door and was made to get up and clean up on hands and knees at 7am then grounded.

Steeley113 · 15/06/2018 10:54

@TheKrakening3 oh the ‘I’ve been spiked’ story GrinGrin we don’t pump stomachs anymore btw and haven’t for years! We merely lay them on their sides and leave them to sober up.

Steeley113 · 15/06/2018 10:56

I’d rather teens drink around adults to learn their ‘limits’ rather then freshers week at uni Hmm at least at a house party they can be monitored by the sensible adult and sent Home accordingly rather then an ambulance being called by their also blottoed friends wasting NHS time and money.

Original poster
PyongyangKipperbang · 15/06/2018 11:43

My kid would not be attending that party.

Why? And at 16, how would you stop them?

OP posts:
LeighaJ · 15/06/2018 11:51

I would be shit faced after 3 drinks, comatose after 4. 3 drinks is really a fuckton of alcohol.

longtallwalker · 15/06/2018 12:09

The last teen whose mum told me she didn't like the taste... I ended up picking her and DD up from a party (no sleepover at party rule here) at 2am and thanked my lucky stars
I'd bought the sick bucket. DD was def the wrong side of tipsy but her non-drinking friend was virtually unconscious. I drove her straight back to her disbelieving mum!

BertrandRussell · 15/06/2018 12:16

My ds genuinely didn’t like the taste until he was nearly 17. His friend’s mums used to say that they liked him coming to parties because he always made sure their dog was OK. He has, shall we say, made up for lust time since.

Parker231 · 15/06/2018 12:33

By the time they are 16, you can’t stop them going to parties and drinking. For those who are saying they wouldn’t allow their DC’s to go, how are you going to stop them?

Original poster
PyongyangKipperbang · 15/06/2018 12:37

I would be worried that if you refused to allow them to go (still wondering how you would stop them) then that would be the last time they tell you what they are doing and where they are going. Next time it would be a lie about staying over wtih a mate, when they are actually going to a party and getting trashed. That in turn can end up with them dangeous or unsafe situations that they cant call you about because they are frightened of getting into trouble over lying and drinking.

OP posts:
slashlover · 15/06/2018 12:57

I remember going to a party when I was 16. My parents sat me down and emphasised that this was a trust issue and if I broke the rules then it wouldn't be allowed again. They also bought me my own alcohol and we agreed that would be all that I would drink.

Could you buy a few of those premixed cans and agree that she drinks them and only them? That way you're showing trust and you both know how strong the drinks are.

BedtimeTea · 16/06/2018 02:13

I would just say they could not go. No parents I know would serve alcohol to 16 yr old teenagers anyways, that situation never arose, and my kids are grown adults now.

BedtimeTea · 16/06/2018 02:32

I guess that would depend on the teenager really. Some do what they want, some abide by the rules. My youngest and oldest are quite differant from each other, the older had friends who "partied", the younger was against anything that could impact his health. The older one did get really drunk, and his gf called us and we went and got him. He was 20 though, not 16.

ZanyMobster · 16/06/2018 12:28

I think you sound really sensible. Honestly some people on here are living in an alternate universe and are hugely naive to think they'll stop 16 yos from partying/drinking.

A few drinks at a party for 16 yos is completely normal. In all honesty we were getting wasted at that age, the ones whose parents said no to them going were the ones who either snuck out or lied about where they were.

My mum or dad always came to collect me from parties/clubbing, that was the deal.

ZanyMobster · 16/06/2018 12:34

I went to a drugs talk at the DCs school recently. They recommended that if 15/16 yos wanted parties then it is a good idea to liaise with the other parents about it, agree to buy say 4 cans each for them and ensure they are not left for overnight alone. These people are hugely knowledgeable on the subject and have many years of dealing with drink/drugs issues and education.

They said in no way should parents completely forbid it or go mad at DCs if they do drink etc. They said it is a sure way of encouraging the kids to lie and to not talk to you about anything.

ZanyMobster · 16/06/2018 12:41

@Steeley113 you are so right there. The drugs advisers we saw showed us some statistics re sexual assaults in our area, the majority were 18-25 yos, 90% of the cases one or both people involved had been drinking and most incidents were during freshers week. Terrifying statistics.

LoniceraJaponica · 16/06/2018 12:58

“assume she'd have 2.”

Sorry, but I think you are being a little naïve here. When DD was in year 11 most of them were getting properly drunk at parties. DD did, just the once. She hated the hangover so much that she didn’t get drunk again.

How many of you saying that 2 or 3 is too many actually have 16 year olds? How would you stop them from drinking? Not let them go to parties? Pick them up half an hour after they have arrived?

“At 16, I'm hoping that most of them won 't have experienced being drunk”

Seriously Thymeout? Do you know any 16 year olds?

“My kid would not be attending that party.”

That’s a shame BedtimeTea. I don’t think this wil achieve anything other than resentment and your child going off the rails at the first opportunity.

“’I’d rather teens drink around adults to learn their ‘limits’ rather than fresher’s week at uni”

I agree Steeley113. DD was 15 the first (and only) time she got drunk. I knew it was going to happen. She was with a small group of friends that could be trusted, not at a party or in a club full of random strangers. She has never repeated that experience.

whywhywhywhywhyyy · 16/06/2018 13:02

After my GCSEs, I got drunk off three WKDs, got my mum to pick me up at 11, and didn't really drink again ever because I hated the hangover.

If the parents are around to limit the alcohol, she's sensible, and you feel it's a safe environment, go for it.

Fruitbat1980 · 16/06/2018 13:52

From 16 I was allowed to drink at family parties in front of parents, as were my friends, it was my learning ground, it was safe, it was controlled, I learnt to handle a few Smirnoff ice’s - and the desire to drink copious amounts behind a bus shelter (such as the children with much stricter parents) was dramatically reduced.
To this day my friends talk about the best party they ever went to being my mums 40th - we were 16 and 6 of us shared a bottle of archers! None of us ever got out of control and we’re closely monitored. Unfortunatey it meant my alcohol tolerance (I’m not saying I was a lush, just that I could handle a couple of beers) meant every bloody night out with friends I’d be the sober one holding their hair back and calling their parents as they didn’t know thei boundaries or tolerance levels.
Yanbu - a parent is there, your daughter will come home on time. If you are kind have lots of cold water and paracetamol ready! Just incase.

Uyulala · 16/06/2018 13:54

My worst ever drunken experience was drinking whiskey at 15 at my boyfriend's house. We actually found it in the woods but it was full and sealed... Very odd but fuck it we thought.

Later I was laying on the floor having hot and cold sweats, shaking, thinking I needed to go to hospital Blush I just stayed at his house until I felt well enough to go home

MrsDylanBlue · 16/06/2018 13:56

Depends what the drinks are - 3 small bottles of WKD and 3 pints of vodka are both three drinks....

Uyulala · 16/06/2018 14:01

I don't think my last post sent...

Just because teens don't like the taste, doesn't necessarily mean they won't drink it, I don't think most teens drink "for the taste"