AIBU - just found porn on Husband's phone

[JerryLarryTerryGarry]

Had lovely family lunch out, DH, myself, DD and DS. Came home, DH has to cut the grass. Leaves his phone with me whilst he does to view new family member photo's, then I find 3 videos and 2 photo's of downloaded stuff that shocked me to the core. Didn't jump down his throat at first as I know his brother has sent him things before that he shouldn't have, but then he freely admitted he had downloaded them and his defence was - It's lesbian porn. Threw a glass of water in his face and shoved him out the door and told him not to return. Does anyone else tolerate porn? I don't even know.

YABU. All men watch porn. They like a quick cix sometimes without having to do the groundwork with their partner. Don’t take it personally.

I think Daily Mail journalists should just stick to cutting the grass.

At least that's remotely useful.

So we've been had then. Ah well. It pays their mortgage.

Oh my days enough of the ‘vulnerable women’ go and meet some porn stars and get your facts straight. Not everyone loves it but they choose to do it for the money, they decide what they’re to do and not to do. Yeah you get some people who aren’t great and might try to persuade someone to do something they’re not comfortable with but you get idiots in every career choice. It’s their bodies, their life’s so stop acting like it’s some awful abuse situation, it’s not.

OP should you take him back? I’m hoping he’s on dadsnet being told LTB if you can’t have a conversation about a pretty normal thing what hope have you got.

YABU. All men watch porn.
No they don’t, depressing that it’s so normalised

They like a quick cix sometimes without having to do the groundwork with their partner. Don’t take it personally.
They’re perfectly capable of wanking without porn, you know.

Have you ever read any of the myriad accounts from women leaving the profession, including those who sung its praises while in the job? It amazes me how few people are willing to engage any critical faculties when it comes to this topic.

YABU. All men watch porn

All men? Every single man watches porn?

You assaulting him is worse than him watching porn. I don’t have a problem with porn. I do have a problem with assault. Annoys me when women seem to somehow be able to justify it. If a bloke did that it’d be a whole different story.

All men do not watch porn. Only those men who are happy to think of women as commodities to be bought and sold. Which is a depressingly large number.

What about men who solely watch gay male porn, BertrandRussell? And women who solely watch gay male porn? Do they view men as commodities to be bought and sold?

They’re perfectly capable of wanking without porn, you know.

And people are perfectly capable pf wanking rather than actually having sex. Problem is, it is not as good though is it. Or at least, not for people who are wired to to get way more from doing or seeing, than thinking,

Not that anything goes of course. It behoves people to do things in as safe as way as possible, no matter the activity.

I don't want to wank without porn.

You've made the daily mail congrats!

Ps I think YABU porn is fine as long as it's not extreme or taking over his life. I've even watched some porn myself during solo time

Woah a porn debate! It’s never bothered me, my ex ex I was with for 6 years watched loads his dad is a truck driver, always gave it him lol. I did find that weird...

What about men who solely watch gay male porn, BertrandRussell? And women who solely watch gay male porn?

Or what about amateur porn.

It is very easy to spin such things. You could just as easily talk about employing physical labourers in such terms, if you had some other problem with such professions.

@LimonViola
The appetite for gay porn isn’t anything like that of women in porn / male users.

Yes, these men are viewed as commodities to be bought and sold, however, as males they have more power than women, even as victims. They are commodities for the duration of the film.

You can’t compare men with women.
One is an oppressed group and the other is the oppressor group.

Because a man is oppressed it does not mean that women have power.

There are always exceptions.
The sex industry is built on the back of the abuse of females.
Sometimes, some men are abused too.

As someone who has worked in the sex industry for nearly ten years I can assure you that the majority of women were very happy and those who weren’t were non plussed and doing it for some spare money.
Yes there’s SOMETIMES abuse but there is in every line of work.

Indeed, green.

However, even if people were to research and look at info from the perspective of a sex worker, no doubt they'd claim that those women were coerced into what they said or are so conditioned they don't know their own minds (which is highly patronising and offensive).

Also to PP saying there's a bigger appetite for women in porn not men: are you aware that for every non solo non lesbian sex scene there are men AND women involved? The appetite for gay male porn is HUGE. I don't know the figures but it's not some fringe interest.

Quite a few of the men in gay porn are only gay for pay, the sex industry is the oldest industry and will never die out. Just because people don’t live like you doesn’t mean they’re wrong, I would say as long as it’s legal it’s ok but I think prostitution should be legal so I’ll say if nobody is forcing you to work in the sex industry you don’t get to decide how those who do work in it feel

Yep, if it's fine for men to decide to engage in gay sex acts for cash then why not for women?

Of course prostitution should be legal. It being illegal doesn't eradicate it, just makes it more dangerous!

Anyway, massive derail.

Never occurred to me to get upset about dp watching porn. Although he rarely does because he says I'm enough anymphomaniac

I've watched some with him historically but it doesn't really do it for me, I prefer the touch of my dp. That gets me aroused far more.

What a shocker. Person watches porn.

So he downloaded lesbian porn ages ago, wonder what type watches now 🤔

I would be utterly amazed if anyone ever man or woman has not watched porn at least once in their lives.

Some are just more honest than others.

Watching porn is far more normal than assaulting people pushing people and flying into a rage

Greenyogagirl "As someone who has worked in the sex industry for nearly ten years I can assure you that the majority of women were very happy and those who weren’t were non plussed and doing it for some spare money."

What on earth do you mean by that? It makes no sense.

I got to page 11 of this debacle before losing my rag - surely there is no way that this is a genuine post? It looks like OP was going mental about finding porn because it disturbs her (this in itself is fine as everyone has their own opinions re porn), but due to backlash is now pretending she is fine with porn and it was just it being unexpected that surprised her. I call bullshit on the whole thing.

If all the mumsnetters who worked in the sex industry were put in a big pile it would be almost as big as the pile of mumsnetters with degrees from Oxbridge.
(I was going to say if they were laid end to end, but I didn't trust myself......)