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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - just found porn on Husband's phone

853 replies

JerryLarryTerryGarry · 15/04/2018 19:03

Had lovely family lunch out, DH, myself, DD and DS. Came home, DH has to cut the grass. Leaves his phone with me whilst he does to view new family member photo's, then I find 3 videos and 2 photo's of downloaded stuff that shocked me to the core. Didn't jump down his throat at first as I know his brother has sent him things before that he shouldn't have, but then he freely admitted he had downloaded them and his defence was - It's lesbian porn. Threw a glass of water in his face and shoved him out the door and told him not to return. Does anyone else tolerate porn? I don't even know.

OP posts:
NotTakenUsername · 15/04/2018 19:09

Namechanged or first post or bored on a Sunday evening?

Pfftlife · 15/04/2018 19:09

Wow how controlling are you, poor guy.

Original poster
JerryLarryTerryGarry · 15/04/2018 19:10

Sneaky - no not happily at all. If you don't have any constructive advice then go on another thread.

OP posts:
araiwa · 15/04/2018 19:10

High levels of goadyfuckery here

Porn and a woman assaulting a man

Original poster
JerryLarryTerryGarry · 15/04/2018 19:10

Name changed

OP posts:
Sallystyle · 15/04/2018 19:10

OP is not unreasonable to not want porn in her marriage. She is not unreasonable because she doesn't want to remain married to a porn watcher. It doesn't matter what others think, you can have your own boundaries. As long as he knew in advance you didn't want it in your marriage then you aren't unreasonable.

The only part you are unreasonable about is throwing water at him.

Butterymuffin · 15/04/2018 19:11

It's your line to draw OP. Did he know you were totally against porn? Has this been a problem before?

Llanali · 15/04/2018 19:11

It hasn’t changed my view of sex at all. I’m not watching extreme fetish stuff. I’m watching pretty gentle porn. I’m not addicted. It’s not harder for me to achieve orgasm.

Coolaschmoola · 15/04/2018 19:11

Hmmm which is worse? A person watching porn, on his personal phone, in private, or someone physically assaulting someone, declaring they were 'holding back' and then throwing the other person out?

Here's a hint - one is legal, one isn't. One is abusive, one isn't.

You are entitled to your opinion. You are not entitled to be abusive just because your opinion differs.

Original poster
JerryLarryTerryGarry · 15/04/2018 19:11

I don't think the water hurt him that much. I am not proud of myself, I am genuinely asking - what should I do. Do partners tolerate porn - I genuinely don't know.

OP posts:
Sallystyle · 15/04/2018 19:11

It's ok for women to perve over the diet coke man though,,,,

You are seriously comparing an advert to porn?

HostaFireAndIce · 15/04/2018 19:11

It's ok for women to perve over the diet coke man though,,,,

Lesbian porn, the Diet Coke man, you're right, bigchris (!), it's all the same shit.

ERipley · 15/04/2018 19:11

Whatever Hmm.

Trinity66 · 15/04/2018 19:12

Bloody hell, he should be more angry with you

ButchyRestingFace · 15/04/2018 19:12

Threw a glass of water in his face and shoved him out the door and told him not to return.

Hope you let him take his phone with him. At least that'll be his evening viewing sorted in the shed.

DairyisClosed · 15/04/2018 19:13

Did he actually know that you didn't want him watching porn? I would have assumed that was fine (provided that is wasn't extreme) unless there was a no porn please conversation.

Thesmallthings · 15/04/2018 19:13

words don't physically hurt etheir...

but if my partner threw water over me then chucked ne out I would be still be hurting.

Original poster
JerryLarryTerryGarry · 15/04/2018 19:13

Buttery - no it was just such a shock, he has never done anything like this before - I thought he could explain it away but he didn't even fudge it. The problem was his phone is not locked - 12 year old DD could have seen it. That's my problem.

OP posts:
Alittlesandwich · 15/04/2018 19:13

What the fuck were you doing on his phone?

You assaulted him?

I hope he leaves you, you're an abuser.

Mamabear1475 · 15/04/2018 19:13

I call a bullshit thread... And if not then, hahahaha good on him for watching it. Serves you right for snooping on his phone

welshmist · 15/04/2018 19:14

I do wonder if it is worse if it is used as a replacement for a healthy loving sex life with your partner. We do not really have the full picture here to be honest. Porn we all know is not a responsible business. Exploitation does happen.

InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream · 15/04/2018 19:14

What exactly is your problem with it? It most certainly isn't cheating. Many many men and women find it a turn on and use it as a tool for private masturbation, which is really none of the spouse's business. Lots of people don't agree with the porn industry, which is a separate issue. And porn addiction is a separate issue. But used alongside a normal sex life - meh. But you have totally, totally, overreacted.

ISayWhatNow · 15/04/2018 19:14

I hate hate hate my dp watching porn but he does when he's away and I can't tell him to stop. I find it totally inappropriate for him to orgasm over some other women.

DairyisClosed · 15/04/2018 19:15

@alittlesandwich in most healthy relationships people share phones freely. It's assumed that you can look in each others phones unless there has been a discussion about it.

Original poster
JerryLarryTerryGarry · 15/04/2018 19:15

Dairy - no we have never had the conversation, and I don't suppose it was too extreme but anyone could have seen that and he's made no attempt to hide it. I just don't know why he's been so stupid not to even delete it.

OP posts:
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