AIBU - just found porn on Husband's phone

[JerryLarryTerryGarry]

Had lovely family lunch out, DH, myself, DD and DS. Came home, DH has to cut the grass. Leaves his phone with me whilst he does to view new family member photo's, then I find 3 videos and 2 photo's of downloaded stuff that shocked me to the core. Didn't jump down his throat at first as I know his brother has sent him things before that he shouldn't have, but then he freely admitted he had downloaded them and his defence was - It's lesbian porn. Threw a glass of water in his face and shoved him out the door and told him not to return. Does anyone else tolerate porn? I don't even know.

Welshmist

How vile what a dreadful example your mother set you and obviously you learned. Awful behaviour.

The op probably needs to apologise to her dh for her loss of control and he needs to sort his phone settings.

If you leave a partner for watching porn that’s up to you but violence is never acceptable

Oh don’t some people just love it when a woman does something at all aggressive to a man? “See? See? I told you women were just as bad as men!” An all the poor wee soul was doing was getting his rocks off with the unwilling aid of some poor vulnerable trafficked woman earning a pittance but helping to make Pornhub the multi million pound business it is..............

My dog... my Father regularly raped my Mother, took a belt to his children which meant we had to wear long sleeved clothes in the summer, I happen to think she was pretty bloody brave to throw a bag of sugar at him.

"Possibly. However, it can’t be made in a healthy way."

There was a poster on here with first hand expereince who said differently.

I'll take her word for it over yours what with hers being based on fact and yours on ideology.

Let's all forget about the morality of pork for now!
Is it ok for someone to chuck water at someone and not let them in their house if they have a different opinion to you? Or do something you don't like. No it's not

Yep-lets forget about the morality of porn. Spoken like a true apologist.

“I'll take her word for it over yours what with hers being based on fact and yours on ideology.”

Ya think?

Porn can't be made in a healthy way? What about amateur couples that like filming themselves? Or people that choose it as a job and enjoy it (as poster upthread said from 1st hand experience).

The "only emotionally damaged and coerced women go into porn, poor them" trope is also not true.

Welsh your post didn’t mention that but that’s a dreadful example of parenting from your dad and I still maintain taking anger out on another person by hitting or throwing things is bad. It just is.

Bertrand

Nope don’t love violence on any lever either from a man to a woman or a woman to a man. It’s unacceptable as is hitting children. Surely you sgree?

@helmet there you go making assumptions AGAIN! Never said I worked in a research based profession.

And still no where did I say Women LOVED IT, i said they were faking it (badly) and then moaning like a porn star (Again faking it).

And some1 said that woman who watched porn didn't know how to use the brains they were born with 🙄

@ibiscuit I disagree with ur statement that it can't be made in a healthy way. There are millions of amateur porn videos made by consenting adults who are perfectly healthy.
There are porn stars who are perfectly healthy (probably not the over weight ones as there's no such thing as healthy overweight).
Depends on your definition of healthy I suppose?
If you mean like stis then I wouldn't class that as unhealthy per se but more a risk factor but again the risks can be significantly lowered
If we are talking mental health, healthy, then I think your being very 'tar with the same brush' as not every1 has the same attitudes to sex. Some (many going by the amount of casual sex we hear about) don't see it as something than should only be done when in a loving relationship.

Not sure what I need to qualify thou and I don't believe I've ranted, just explained my opinion cos people seem unable to read and not put words in my mouth.

YABU - a massive overreaction. You need to apologise OP

the morality of pork

Interesting typo

ThePants999 perhaps some nice relaxing lesbian porn?

@bertrand

"Ya think?"

Yes.

Do you think that an 'apologist' is a bad thing to be?

I think we can safely agree that everyone has different stances on whether porn is OK to watch.

I think that what this post demonstrates is that it needs to be clear within a relationship what's OK and what's not. If I found my DP watching porn it honestly wouldn't bother me. However, if I'd previously told him that to me it was a deal breaker and we'd both agreed not to watch it for whatever reason, then to find him watching it would be a massive breach of trust.

It's all about setting expectations IMO

Bertrand Russell, how do you know the women involved were vulnerable, trafficked, and earning a pittance?

Would your namesake, the great philosopher and analytical master, have been so quick to generalise and demonise? I think not.

“Bertrand Russell, how do you know the women involved were vulnerable, trafficked, and earning a pittance?“

I don’t. But many women in porn are. How do you know they weren’t?

“Do you think that an 'apologist' is a bad thing to be?”

Depends what you’re being an apologist for.

Whatever your views on porn, it's time we stopped colluding with the porn industry by calling them porn stars or actors. They aren't acting, they are having sex for money. It's called prostitution. And I'm not judging anyone if that is their choice of profession, but let's be clear it is a risky profession with a lot of abuse and exploitation associated with it. So if we don't want vulnerable, easily-influenced, young (often) people dragged into something they don't understand then at least lets be honest about what it involves.
And if it's the same as any other job where's the health and safety precautions. While not every film prostitute will have been raped or forced or coerced into activities they did not want to do, there are so many of them claiming this that it can't all be pie in the sky. So what other industry would tolerate this, on any level.
And please don't tell me that mandatory testing for STIs constitutes effective health and safety.

And to the poster who mentioned a 'porn-star' committing suicide due to being bullied by women - err how does that make porn ok, so the coercian comes from women and the 'not-vulnearable actor' kills themselves so that's ok? Being anti-porn doesn't make me anti-sex or anti-men you know!

It's lesbian porn. Not like he's doing something illegal or anything. Sometimes a little fantasy to look at is good wank material for men and women alike.
Women just have better imaginations and men prefer visual things overall.
If my hubby had porn on his phone I'd probably just tease him but wouldn't be bothered in the slightest.

Oh look everyone, the Daily Mail!

For the record Daily Fail- I'm not a mother, please stop referring to me as one. Thx

Did I miss where the op explained what the porn was? So far all I can see said is that it was a couple of pictures of naked women.
So why are posters going on about rape, gagging, chocking, anal etc... It was lesbian porn ffs.

Also the origin of the pictures is relevant, the big porn websites are well regulated and only use verified actresses so no worries of trafficking or exploitation.

What is the difference in vanilla porn and '50 shades of grey'? The process going through someones head as they watch it is exactly the same.

Whether you agree or disagree with it porn is prevalent in the world and I am surprised why any grown adult would be 'shocked' at seeing some naked women on a mans phone.

oh i see there was 3 videos as well as the 2 photos, hardly a large stash.

"Also the origin of the pictures is relevant, the big porn websites are well regulated and only use verified actresses so no worries of trafficking or exploitation."

Yeah, sure, course they do!