AIBU - just found porn on Husband's phone

[JerryLarryTerryGarry]

Had lovely family lunch out, DH, myself, DD and DS. Came home, DH has to cut the grass. Leaves his phone with me whilst he does to view new family member photo's, then I find 3 videos and 2 photo's of downloaded stuff that shocked me to the core. Didn't jump down his throat at first as I know his brother has sent him things before that he shouldn't have, but then he freely admitted he had downloaded them and his defence was - It's lesbian porn. Threw a glass of water in his face and shoved him out the door and told him not to return. Does anyone else tolerate porn? I don't even know.

[Thehop]

🧟‍♀️

[CokeAndCrispsAndDip]

ZOMBIE

[StreetwiseHercules]

Nobody had the right to dictate to another adult on their wanking habits or whether they choose to watch porn. Assaulting someone is a crime, watching pornography is not.

[hayley2019]

all men watch porn. Women in porn are more attractive, younger , fitter, bigger boobs and neatly looking pussy than normal women . That is fact , As a women in my twentiesif my partner wanted to watch porn i would not stop him it is no big deal. Throwing water on someone face is not accetable , Women have double standards and need to wake up. Men like porn for the above reasons.

[Simulcrum]

Just Seen this post. Had problems posting, but think people should be able to post whatever they want, and other people respond, without fear of abuse.

[BertrandRussell]

Posted too soon-tht last sentence should have finished "very bizarre"

[BertrandRussell]

Yes-I find the idea tht because some porn actors aren't abused and are well paid and enjoy it that's all right then!

[RoderickRules]

These points have been addressed elsewhere.

Close your eyes to the abuse of women on the basis that it was ok for someone once.

[tiddliewinkiewoo]

Women in porn tend to have been molested as children, grown up in the care system and have had other problems that have interfered with them making safe decisions and having good boundaries.

I think you've missed a 'some' from your post.

That is not the case in my cousin. She grew up in a caring family with loving parents and an extended family - saw an opportunity to make a lot of money and her morals and ideals mean that she doesn't view pornography as wrong. She leads a lifestyle I'm definitely envious of, but couldn't live.

I would appreciate actual links and facts to some posters claims - i.e 90% of porn is violent. This is simply untrue.

[hdh747]

What the hell has Theresa May got to do with this? How on earth do you know what she has or hasn't done in her private life? People put amateur stuff online obscuring their faces sometimes, or not showing their entire bodies.

I'm sorry but I'm now wondering where the stuff featuring Theresa May with a mask on is, and I know this is supposed to be a serious chat but I am finding that funny. Mainly because if it were true and came out I'd love to see the headlines.

[JAPAB]

JAPAB's cosmetic analogy is a good one, actually. If we didn't know for certain which cosmetics had or had not been tested on animals, it would be unethical to use cosmetics at all.

In the case of cosmetics I might agree. It is all a balancing act of weighing up different factors. It is not really possible to use cosmetics without buying them. Which means perpetuating some specific cosmetics producer. Which means that if they use unethical practices, you are financially contributing to them doing this. That is not true of watching free smaples or amateur videos. Also another factor is that people, generally speaking, do not have cosmetic drives and cosmetic-ualities.

I am not saying people shouldn't buy porn at all BTW. And of course, if you know what you are doing, there are ways to cut down on the risks in porn. Already pointed out a few earlier, on top of being able to research the matter and find out who are generally regarded as the ethical makers.

[Notthemessiah]

I'm going out on a limb here, but I'm going to presume that you've not spent any time actually looking for porn? It's hardly surprising that you wouldn't know how to check whether it was ethically produced - a bit like asking me to check that someone's theory on quantum dynamics was correct - wouldn't have a clue where to start (but I'm sure that eventually I could find out, given enough time and determination).

I know you don't want to believe it Bertand, but it does exist.

[BertrandRussell]

I'm saying that I can use cosmetics that I can be as sure a simple I can be are ethically sourced but it's not a straightforward thing to do. I have no idea how I would make sure that any porn I used involving living people was ethical-and I am the sort of person who has the will and the knowledge to find this sort of stuff out.

[Notthemessiah]

Bertrand - so are you saying that that cosmetics can be ethically produced but not porn or are you saying it's possible to be sure that some cosmetics are produced that way and impossible to do the same for some porn (based no doubt on facts and your extensive knowledge of the porn industry rather than just because you think its not possible, ).

[Notthemessiah]

That's a very useful contribution Elendon - congratulations.

[Elendon]

I don't think for one minute @JAPAB gives a shiny.

[BertrandRussell]

And JAPAB says he does not use violent porn. He does not say how he ensures the porn he does watch is ethical.

[BertrandRussell]

I don't think I have ignored anyone's points, have I?

JAPAB's cosmetic analogy is a good one, actually. If we didn't know for certain which cosmetics had or had not been tested on animals, it would be unethical to use cosmetics at all. As it is, we can be reasonably sure which ones are OK to use. Obviously, a simple disclaimer on the packaging is not enough-we need to look for the disclaimer about the product and all it's constituents before we can be sure. But it is perfectly doable, and many of us do. The same simply does not apply to porn, so the only ethical stance is not to use it at all.

[Notthemessiah]

Bertrand. Where has LimonViola said that she does not accept that some\lots of women are exploited? Everyone here has agreed that this is the case.

You keep making the same blanket statements while refusing to engage with the points that anyone who doesn't share your opinion are making (like JAPABs excellent one above). It's almost as if you have nothing extra to contribute to the argument.

[BertrandRussell]

I have repeated said that not all women in porn are exploited, trafficked or abused. Did you miss that?

[Helmetbymidnight]

first you have to acknowledge something needs apologising for and is wrong

But That's not what an apologist is. I've never heard this explanation.

[RoderickRules]

It’s not in isolation JAPAB
Half of the world oppresses the other half of the world.
200 million have had their clitoris cut out and vulva sewn up.
There are 40+ million sex workers.
Porn is part of the subjugation of women.

It’s you who has a closed mind Limon.
Your mind is so closed you cannot hold the possibility that male sexuality has influenced women to take part in her own anhillation.

[LimonViola]

Okay, helmet.

[LimonViola]

Anyone who talks about the 'exploitation of women in porn' while conveniently ignoring:

• porn consisting of a woman deciding to film herself alone for her own pleasure
  
• gay male porn that has no women involved
  
• porn made by enthusiastic participants who are being paid what they feel is a fair wage for their work
  
• porn made by women who, shock horror, enjoy it as part of their expression of their sexuality
  
• porn showing a woman who is wholeheartedly into being a submissive and feels empowered expressing that and gets a kick out of sharing it with others
  
• porn showing a woman as a Domme in full control of the scene as she dominates a submissive man who is at her whim
  
• erotic literature written by women, for women
  

Is talking in such broad strokes as to make their point basically meaningless.

[Helmetbymidnight]

I don't think you understand the word apologist at all, limon.