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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - just found porn on Husband's phone

853 replies

JerryLarryTerryGarry · 15/04/2018 19:03

Had lovely family lunch out, DH, myself, DD and DS. Came home, DH has to cut the grass. Leaves his phone with me whilst he does to view new family member photo's, then I find 3 videos and 2 photo's of downloaded stuff that shocked me to the core. Didn't jump down his throat at first as I know his brother has sent him things before that he shouldn't have, but then he freely admitted he had downloaded them and his defence was - It's lesbian porn. Threw a glass of water in his face and shoved him out the door and told him not to return. Does anyone else tolerate porn? I don't even know.

OP posts:
iBiscuit · 16/04/2018 19:48

I think the OP might be genuine willy - but there are several suspect posters who've joined in (or one poster with a laptop, a tablet and a phone or two at hand and multiple accounts).

It's a complete bloody waste of time, anyway.

willynillypie · 16/04/2018 19:50

It's a complete bloody waste of time, anyway.

Thank god I only made it to page 11 then Grin

Greenyogagirl · 16/04/2018 19:52

Non plussed as in not bothered about it, wasn’t what they wanted to do forever but they weren’t unhappy about doing it

Toadinthehole · 16/04/2018 19:52

Apart from all that OP, how was the lunch?

jnfrrss · 16/04/2018 19:56

Was it cold water?

Hot would be ott.

tweetqueen · 16/04/2018 20:11

Whilst I'm not against porn its worth pointing out the damage that it has done to my relationship. I was pretty relaxed about it until I found out that my partner was addicted to porn, which turned into chat rooms which then turned into face to face meet ups. I know sex addiction is seen as a grey area but it was very much our experience and after significant amounts of family, couple and personal therapy we are now rebuilding our lives. I know not everyone has this experience (its a bit like booze, some people can drink and it not effect them, others can become alcoholic), the rise in porn and exposure at an early age is a ticking time bomb for boys. It can effect male performance and intimacy. I don't think porn is harmless but equally I'm not a prude and believe in healthy sexual expression and communication.

Notthemessiah · 16/04/2018 20:25

Or Bertand you could just say what you mean and tell Greenyogagirl you think she's lying about working in the porn industry. That would be a bit too honest though I guess, so you obvious feel you need to hide it with a 'joke'.

As for your earlier point about it being impossible to make porn in a healthy way - regardless of the motivations of some\many\most of the people working\being exploited in the business , that's just laughable.

Greenyogagirl · 16/04/2018 20:32

I didn’t work in the porn industry Bertrand but in the sex industry, I made a lot of friends who were in the porn industry and have a family member who does porn magazines Grin

ificouldwritealettertome · 16/04/2018 20:41

Ignore bertrand she does that all the time. If anyone comes along with a genuine experience that challenges hers she will just decide it's a lie and mock the poster.

hdh747 · 16/04/2018 20:42

So can you tell us more Greenyoga, about your work, and the work of your friends. What it is/was actually like? Do you still do it? I'm genuinely interested, and if things are better for some or most people than I've been led to believe I would really like to know about it, maybe things have or are changing? Is the porn magazine work just nude pics (which I have no problem with since it is probably rarely exploitative, and waht about the other porn workers - what did they do, mags, films, webcam what? And did they work for a porn house or what?

RoderickRules · 16/04/2018 20:45

@Notthemessiah Bertrand did not say porn industry.
Not only did you misquote, you also went on to say what she was thinking when she wrote the thing she didn’t actually say.

Hmm
T4ylor · 16/04/2018 20:46

Really dosen’t matter what anyone else thinks or what we are happy with . It’s your choice , be powerful & choose what’s right for you .

BuggerBugger · 16/04/2018 20:54

I'm genuinely interested, means on MN I’m only interested in using your words against you!

I’ve also noticed on MN that if an arguement is going the wrong way, claim sock puppetry or posters are lying!

hdh747 · 16/04/2018 21:00

Or it means someone is open minded and genuinely interested.

hdh747 · 16/04/2018 21:05

I'm a bit confused about the clitoral orgasms only. I have had (once - been hoping for another ever since) an orgasm through nipple stimulation only and (more than once) one in my dreams, which involved none!
But back to the op, I find nipple stimulation during penetration very helpful, if that doesn't count as cheating. And lots of foreplay. And yes to the vibrating cock rings.

hdh747 · 16/04/2018 21:05

sorry wrong thread lol

BuggerBugger · 16/04/2018 21:06

I’m sorry, but in the context of this thread, that’s the best posting in a wrong thread!! Grin

hdh747 · 16/04/2018 21:09

I know, I proper cocked that one up, I was trying to post in the 'big O 'thread that was trending but somehow had two tabs open. Well loads of tabs but 2 MNs.

Mydoghatesthebath · 16/04/2018 21:09

You win the prize for the best wrong thread post Grin

Bertrand clearky you don’t believe her. You always do this if you don’t agree with the poster.

It’s bad form

Dandellion · 16/04/2018 21:23

A man watches porn? In further breaking news scientific tests have proved that water is wet, and the Pope has admitted to being Catholic.

NomadicMother · 16/04/2018 21:26

Hdh747 haaaaaaaaaa!! Brilliant!!

ificouldwritealettertome · 16/04/2018 21:32

Dandellion 😂😂😂

Greenyogagirl · 16/04/2018 21:43

@hdh747 I worked as a lap dancer and pole dancer, did burlesque, did glamour and nude modelling and was a receptionist in a brothel. The dancing was great fun and great money, thousands a week for having a few drinks and dancing! There are strict rules in place which some women CHOOSE to ignore (like touching/kissing/meeting after) but it’s just about being comfortable with your body.
The modelling I wasn’t as keen on but again there’s good and bad aspects like all industries, do your research, take a friend, it was more boring than anything. Being a receptionist I knew the girls really well and all were happy, they had clients they were less keen on but again you’ll rarely find someone who loves every aspect of their job 100% of the time.
My family member does photos and works a sex line (usually while she’s ironing!) and again you go to the studio, pose with a toy or model, get dressed and go home, nothing major about it at all.
The women I know are working porn stars and one has won an award, they love it, they do something they enjoy for a lot of money, she has a contract with a well known company and others are ‘freelance’ if you like and choose to accept certain gigs or not.
Most women quit dancing when they’ve made enough money to retire comfortably (usually by 30)

hdh747 · 16/04/2018 21:54

Thanks green, I do find that interesting, and a good reminder that there's sex work and sex work.
Doesn't really tell me a great deal about the actual porn industry (not your bag so I'm not moaning at you) but I find from the research I do there's more positive stuff written by sex workers who aren't doing actual porn, and a mixture of positive and really really negative stuff by people who have worked in porn.
Very difficult to make a judgement on, since it is very hard to marry all the different info. I still feel very uncomfortable with the porn industry, but accept it is possible to make porn without cruelty and abuse but I'm still very very concerned as to how often that is the case. Just don't know. I also do think that porn promotes the wrong kind of thinking in SOME people.
Lots to think about, thank you for sharing.

iBiscuit · 16/04/2018 21:56

B