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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - just found porn on Husband's phone

853 replies

JerryLarryTerryGarry · 15/04/2018 19:03

Had lovely family lunch out, DH, myself, DD and DS. Came home, DH has to cut the grass. Leaves his phone with me whilst he does to view new family member photo's, then I find 3 videos and 2 photo's of downloaded stuff that shocked me to the core. Didn't jump down his throat at first as I know his brother has sent him things before that he shouldn't have, but then he freely admitted he had downloaded them and his defence was - It's lesbian porn. Threw a glass of water in his face and shoved him out the door and told him not to return. Does anyone else tolerate porn? I don't even know.

OP posts:
hdh747 · 15/04/2018 20:35

I'm genuinely curious. How many of the people who are fine with porn have actually done any research as to how ethical it is? And how many mums would be happy for their kids to grow up and work in the porn industry?

Original poster
JerryLarryTerryGarry · 15/04/2018 20:36

Walkingdeadfangirl - you are right. I honestly do regret the water part. Very much. Your advice is quite good. I might take it. I need it.

OP posts:
Llanali · 15/04/2018 20:37

Occam’s razor hardly makes your argument irréfutable fact.

Not least as it’s a heuristic model.... same as stereotyping, and designed to assist you in your immediate goals. Which appear to be go spout absolute crap and derail the thread.

I can’t be sure the couple in the hotel room next to me are consensually shagging; it doesn’t mean I’m definitely listening to rape.

OP Where do you envisage your husband sleeping tonight whilst you consider apologising for being physically aggressive/abusive/violent?

Original poster
JerryLarryTerryGarry · 15/04/2018 20:37

NotAnotherNaughtiesTune - thank you for your clear advice. Very much, honestly. I'm going to read that one again tomorrow. I can't believe this is happening.

OP posts:
bridgetoc · 15/04/2018 20:38

Jesus Christ.......... Why are there so many snowflakes like the OP on Mumsnet?

Threw a glass of water in his face? Grin

Original poster
JerryLarryTerryGarry · 15/04/2018 20:38

bridgetoc - thank you

OP posts:
Elendon · 15/04/2018 20:38

Many men and women think that if a woman is walking alone at night, a bit drunk and she gets raped then she is asking for it as in what was she doing out so late at night walking home alone and what was she wearing. Oh well she was drunk. Answer there.

A majority of people think that if a drunk woman goes to bed with a man and then decides she doesn't want to have sex with them, then she has no right to say it was rape.

kubex · 15/04/2018 20:39

@Elendon some women do enjoy double anal penetration. Some also enjoy choking on huge dicks!

Just because it's not what you're in to, doesn't mean nobody is in to it.

Your 'all porn is rape' stance is fucking stupid!

@JerryLarryTerryGarry You're a ridiculous woman...stop being so fucking dramatic!

SumAndSubstance · 15/04/2018 20:40

Why on earth would you thank bridgetoc for that comment? Is the pp who called a reverse correct? If so, could you please put everyone out of their misery?

Italiangreyhound · 15/04/2018 20:40

"he only looked a little bit of lesbian porn."

What difference does it make that it was lesbian porn? Genuine question?

A bit of water in the face, how did he feel, a bit humiliated? How did the OP feel? Probably a bit humiliated too. Her reaction was one of anger at a difficult situation.

OP if you think it is right to apologize then of course do that. But when you talk about this it would be good to work out what he thinks is OK and see if it is the same as what you think is OK.

Littlechocola · 15/04/2018 20:41

Oddest thread today.
Let the poor man back in his home. Talk about it like a grown up. You don’t have to agree with porn but at least try to communicate with him rather than us.

As for all porn is rape? I’m worried for you elendon

Dvg · 15/04/2018 20:41

Sorry but i dont get it, i have watched more porn than my partner

OnionKnight · 15/04/2018 20:41

*Many men and women think that if a woman is walking alone at night, a bit drunk and she gets raped then she is asking for it as in what was she doing out so late at night walking home alone and what was she wearing. Oh well she was drunk. Answer there.

A majority of people think that if a drunk woman goes to bed with a man and then decides she doesn't want to have sex with them, then she has no right to say it was rape.*

No they fucking don't.

InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream · 15/04/2018 20:41

hdh cheap clothes shops like Primark have been shown to have links to dubious clothes production methods. Should no one buy clothes in case a child is being exploited somewhere in the world? Unfortunately lots of industries involve exploitation which is up to the industry/governments to try to sort out. Sorry I'm not explaining myself very well on account of being an idiot who hasnt got the brains she was born with

Whisky2014 · 15/04/2018 20:42

Im fine with it. Imo you massively overreacted and assualted him

Helmetbymidnight · 15/04/2018 20:42

Water in the face is 'violent assault'?!

Blimey- what do you call half the stuff in porn then?
Nuclear catastrophe?

Elendon · 15/04/2018 20:42

I can’t be sure the couple in the hotel room next to me are consensually shagging; it doesn’t mean I’m definitely listening to rape.

If you can't be sure, then it is rape. Personally, I don't want to listen to take it down the throat babe and vomit, let me hit you bitch, cry for me bitch.

If I heard that then I would be concerned.

TheLongHotSummer · 15/04/2018 20:43

Look at all the little bullies ganging up on Elendon...the same sickos who are defending women being raped for entertainment!! Ugh...you're all disgusting!

Elendon · 15/04/2018 20:44

Please can people stop being fake worried about me

It's about as fake as your orgasms. quite frankly.

Italiangreyhound · 15/04/2018 20:44

@hdh747 " And how many mums would be happy for their kids to grow up and work in the porn industry?" Good question.

@kubex why so angry with the OP, it's her marriage, her choices, why the personal insults.

OP hope you work out what you want to do.

Blaablaablaa · 15/04/2018 20:44

@elendon the only people who need to be sure the sex is consensual are the people actually having sex.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 15/04/2018 20:45

If you can’t be sure, then it is rape.

That’s a dangerous statement that will set women back years. It’s grossly inaccurate, and there could well be a backlash. Pc gone dangerously mad.

Mamabear1475 · 15/04/2018 20:45

@thelonghotsummer
Are you one of elendons daughters then?

Llanali · 15/04/2018 20:45

Many men and women think that if a woman is walking alone at night, a bit drunk and she gets raped then she is asking for it as in what was she doing out so late at night walking home alone and what was she wearing. Oh well she was drunk. Answer there.

A majority of people think that if a drunk woman goes to bed with a man and then decides she doesn't want to have sex with them, then she has no right to say it was rape.*

And? Does that relate to this subject?

Her husband has already apologised italian.

I seriously think if this was the other way round there would be none of this minimising the OPs behaviour.

^my husband found some old porn on my phone. We’ve never talked about it so I had no idea he didn’t approve. I wasn’t hiding anything.

He’s thrown water in my face, telling me he was holding back because I’ve ipset him so much, and shoved me out the door and refused to let me in. I’ve apologised but he’s not apologised at all. ^

Pretty sure the answer won’t be ‘cancel the cheque’.

Justanotherlurker · 15/04/2018 20:46

How many of the people who are fine with porn have actually done any research as to how ethical it is?

Caveat: being contrarian.

It depends doesn't it, a lot of the research is heavily biased that in any other field would be laughed at.

The significant number of porn stars who do say it was entirely their personal choice are largely overlooked and focus on a minority, the biggest porn sites on the net do not allow videos of forced porn and if you look into the stats most amatuer porn is uploaded and viewed by women.

It's a murky subject that plays into the negative stereotype of a certain section of feminist of being kink shaming.

As I said, offering a contrarian viewpoint