AIBU - just found porn on Husband's phone

[JerryLarryTerryGarry]

Had lovely family lunch out, DH, myself, DD and DS. Came home, DH has to cut the grass. Leaves his phone with me whilst he does to view new family member photo's, then I find 3 videos and 2 photo's of downloaded stuff that shocked me to the core. Didn't jump down his throat at first as I know his brother has sent him things before that he shouldn't have, but then he freely admitted he had downloaded them and his defence was - It's lesbian porn. Threw a glass of water in his face and shoved him out the door and told him not to return. Does anyone else tolerate porn? I don't even know.

@InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream "italian who is saying most people watch porn? SOME do. Lots of women and lots of men. It's why the porn industry is huge. But not necessarily MOST people."

Uniquack "I know and fully accept that most men (and women) watch porn."

@elendon, so your passing your ridiculous views on to your daughters, yay, more people like you in the world

elendon I'm pretty sure that what I'm watching isn't rape. The acting is appalling for one thing.

@iBiscuit so you’ve looked on the homepages.... 🤔

Bloody hell. I watch porn more than DH. I enjoy it. He probably watches it, couldn't care less.
You should be grovelling your apologies for throwing water in his face. My god he should have made YOU leave for that alone. Tell him to get back home, apologise for being a controlling dick and talk about how you would rather in future he deletes it after watching or uses the incognito tab on his phone.
Your DD shouldn't be near his phone so that's a non issue and if you're worries about people in the street let him put a lock on it to keep you and everyone else out of his private phone!

It's photos not photo's..

Hopscotchy - thank you for your opinion, that's what I'm asking for, why I'm on here.

Elendon what you on about? nice to hear about your girls but back to the issue ........

non concensual sex I’m sure these women and men know exactly what they are doing when applying for the job of ‘porn star’, how can it be non consential? Some people actually enjoy being filmed whilst having sex with random people.

OP over reacted, a lot of people watch porn but maybe if OP’s dh hadn’t hidden the fact he watches it OP wouldn’t have been as angry?

InSpace - Elendon really, really isn't the sole voice here. Although I'm a little at how many posters today are all for watching a woman very possibly being raped, for lols.

'making babies' 😂😂😂 I'm no biologist but pretty sure there is no baby making in lesbian porn....there certainly wasn't in the lesbian porn I've watched

I don't watch porn so I don't have a problem with it. I have orgasms in my sleep.

However, the question remains. Do you know you are watching consensual sex?

If the answer is I don't then you are watching non consensual sex, which is rape.

Well italian that is one person out of a hundred or so. I don't think that's the majority view

So let me get this straight....the most disgusting, hardcore producers of porn said that porn should be criminalized nowadays, as it is so degrading and cruel to women!! And then on this thread we have actual women say they enjoy watching this shit!!!

WTAF????

To women who watch this misogynistic shite...you don't have the brains you were born with! Thanks for nothing! Idiots.

@Elendon - your posts just get more bizarre the more you post, what has how your children feel got to do with this ? And I hope there older then 18!! you clearly have some issues.

@InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream I know some people watch it or the 'indstry' would not be making all that money.

But I think it is a lie to suggest most people watch it, or at best an unsubstantiated claim.

I think the claim that most people or more often said 'most men' or even I think I have heard 'all men' (not necessarily here) watch it.... it's a kind of 'it's OK, it's really not that odd to watch people being fucked for money, it's not weird or strange, just normal.'

For me it is not normal. It's an abusive industry.

It messes up the people in it, and it messes with the minds of people who get addicted to it.

Plus, as porn is now, so I am told, a lot more violent and offensive we need to clarify we are not usually just talking about sex, we are talking about a whole nother ball game.

So I just like to say, no I don't watch it or condone it, and I don't think I am alone (as this thread clearly proves), and the OP has every right to get upset and not to be comfortable with her dh doing this, unless he had already said I do this.

Are you this much fun IRL, Elendon?

If the answer is I don't then you are watching non consensual sex, which is rape.

Again, you're not making sense.

You’re welcome Summer

Yes Susan

Which is how I know.

I don't have a brain because I enjoy porn?

You're very wrong, sorry.

Elendon is quite clearly suffering with her own issues and attempting to place her warped view not only upon her own children (disgraceful behaviour) but strangers on the internet too. She can safely be ignored.

I think that regardless of the consent issues with porn, people are allowed to feel hurt and betrayed that their husband/wife has Watched porn. based on the op's reaction I think it's safe to say they don't include porn in their relationship as some may wish to do, therefor I think her reaction is perfectly acceptable. (not the water, the kicking out) I would treat my husband the same if I found porn or if I found him with another woman

Glass of water is totally unacceptable, he only looked a little bit of lesbian porn. I mean topless women have been in newspapers for decades. You might not like it but that does not mean he has done anything wrong.

Tell him he needs to lock his phone and make sure its not stored in a place where you could accidentally come across it. And apologise to him for the water.

Many men and women watch porn.

Most people do tend to close it down/delete history though even if on their own device - I guess just in case someone sees it?

Is porn right?

I guess like fox hunting, owning a gun, alternative sex practices etc it can be wrong. I'm lumping it with these things because they are seen as unethical/potentially harmful to innocent people around you.

Yes some people in the poem industry are treated abysmally, just like some prostitutes or strippers are. Anything that is a male centric activity or catering predominantly to men often is.

Should it be banned or does it make someone horrible if they watch it? To me - no. Just because I eat meat doesn't mean I think killing animals barbarically is alright.

The thing is OP you didn't let him know it was an issue for you. Without making this obvious, how was he to know it was an issue? By owning up, I'd say he didn't think you'd be that bothered. Those who think they'll likely be shouted at for it will make up lies about it not be honest.

I'd hasten the fact he was honest was a sign he felt you'd not flip out.

In regards to DD I assume she wouldn't just route through either of your phones without asking first - it's just basic manners to anyone over 6/7ish?

The throwing the water was a real overreaction and you know that. The fact you reacted so badly says there's a deep routed issue here - maybe husband related not even the porn. Because when my DH does something o think it's terribly disrespectful is often swear under my breath or tell him I'm going for a walk - not to do something so straight up on the offensive.

If it's something you can't get past that's absolutely fine. You need to tell him that calmly. If however you are not bothered if he hides it or you wish for him not to do it again and then he can choose if he agrees, you need to tell him.

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