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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want a home birth?

650 replies

InMemoryOfSleep · 20/03/2018 08:28

I’m not pregnant (yet), but chatting to my mum and some friends recently I mentioned I’d like a home birth next time. Their reactions weren’t positive, to say the least Confused - despite me explaining that, for a 2nd baby, home birth is as safe as an MLU, and both are safer than a hospital. They’ve made me really doubt myself - having read the research and stats I was convinced it’s the best option, but am I missing something?!

OP posts:
RedPandaMama · 20/03/2018 08:33

I wish I'd had a home birth. My labour was looong and I'd much rather have been at home watching telly with the cat than in the hospital, and my hospital experience was very positive!

By the time we have our next child hopefully we'll have moved into a bigger house and I'd like to have a home birth - only if I lived close enough to the hospital that they could get me there very quickly if there were a problem. I know someone who planned a home birth but lived 40 minutes from the hospital, had to be rushed there in an ambulance when the baby got stuck and they both nearly died, it sounded terrifying. In that case I wouldn't do it. Our current house is 7 minutes away so I wish I had really!

A mum friend who had a home birth said it was amazing and she would do it again, and make sure to practice breathing with hypnobirthing videos on YouTube first!

Whatever you decide hope you have a safe and enjoyable labour Flowers

divadee · 20/03/2018 08:33

I had a home birth and from some people's reactions it was akin to being an abuser. The crap I got from people was unbelievable. I just replied "well you have your opinion and I have mine".

If it's something you really want to do go ahead and do it. It is easier to book a home birth and cancel if you decide you want to go in to hospital than not have one booked at all.

I have to say I loved my home birth and although I was transferred in after the birth (I won't scare you with the details!) I am still a massive advocate of home births.

RoryHatesCoffee · 20/03/2018 08:40

I'm not sure what you mean by safer based on evidence or statistics, but all my friends that are or have been midwives all say the most relaxed births they've witnessed are home births.
Just don't tell your family members your plans and crack on!

chocolatesun · 20/03/2018 08:41

I really wanted a Home birth for my second baby but couldn’t for health reasons. There are a lot of negative attitudes and if you go down this path you’ll just have to get thick skin and ignore them all. Most people mean well and just aren’t aware of the upsides. Hospitals are horrible and why not avoid the risk of infection and give birth in your own home. Go for it!

Original poster
InMemoryOfSleep · 20/03/2018 08:58

Rory - less likely to have an ‘adverse’ outcome for baby, and more likely to have a straightforward birth - as in no interventions.

OP posts:
UpSideDownBrain · 20/03/2018 09:01

I fought tooth and nail to have a home birth and it was the worst decision of my life.

There is a reason why hospitals have highly trained staff and expensive medical equipment available 24/7.

Camomila · 20/03/2018 09:03

I think people get confused by statistics tbh (me included)
But no YANBU, if you've had an ok first birth it is statistically safer...but things could go 'more' wrong if they do go wrong...but then again you are much more likely to die if a plane crashes than a car and planes are still safer...

Actually ignore me, i'm all dosed up on lemsip.

YANBU though.

Original poster
InMemoryOfSleep · 20/03/2018 09:05

I guess the other influencing factor for me is that our MLU and hospital are both 20 mins away, but the in the opposite direction! So I could end up travelling 20 mins tothe MLU mid-labour, and then being ambulanced back past our front door to get to the hospital if I had complications! So it seems easier to just stay at home Grin

OP posts:
homeTIRF · 20/03/2018 09:05

Do you have any kind of proof for the statistics you claim about safety?

It seems akin to swapping chemotherapy for essential oils.

What is something goes wrong? Do you have your husband boil water and tear bedsheets into strips?

It's proper 'woke' bullshit.

can vegan babies breastfeed?

newshmoo74 · 20/03/2018 09:06

My second baby was born suddenly at home (delivered by my mother). The birth was so stress free that I convinced my husband to let me plan a home birth for my third; unfortunately the labour was a whole lot longer and I retained my placenta which meant I had to be taken to hospital by ambulance and separate to my newborn.

Everything was ok in the end and I am happy with my choices but I would research your options and make sure that if things didn’t go to plan you would be able to get quick medical help.

Original poster
InMemoryOfSleep · 20/03/2018 09:06

@HomeTIRF - yep it’s from the Birthplace study, you’ll find it if you google it.

OP posts:
Original poster
InMemoryOfSleep · 20/03/2018 09:08

Sorry, posted before I was done - you get transferred to the hospital f something goes wrong, same as you would if you’d started off in an MLU. And I’m interested that you compare birth to chemotherapy - birth is not an illness for a start!

OP posts:
OutyMcOutface · 20/03/2018 09:09

You need to learn to read between the lines. They aren’t safer than birthing in hospital. The stats in hospitals are worse because deliveries that are expected to be difficult start there. It’s less safe to birth at home in the event of a complication but women who are likely to experience complications are unlikely to birth at home.

WorraLiberty · 20/03/2018 09:11

I had my 3rd DC at home

Best birthing experience out of the 3 of them.

Original poster
InMemoryOfSleep · 20/03/2018 09:11

@OutyMcOutface nope, these are stats comparing the outcomes for low risk women, so high risk women (ie women who have to labour in hospital) aren’t taken into account.

OP posts:
QueenAravisOfArchenland · 20/03/2018 09:13

Do you have any kind of proof for the statistics you claim about safety?

They are widely recognised and incorporated into NICE guidelines, which state that low risk second time mothers should be actively encouraged to labour and birth somewhere other than labour ward, either an MLU or at home.

Research actively recognises that although medical care can be lifesaving in the right circumstances, too much of it when it isn't needed is a bad thing.

BoredOnMatLeave · 20/03/2018 09:13

I love the idea of a home birth but wouldn't for 3 reasons:

1 - The mess. I was pretty high on G&A during DD's birth but I remember it looking like a horror movie.
2 - Closest hospital is 15 miles away but can take anything from 20 mins to an hour depending on the traffic
3 - Does the NHS really have the funds to be letting people have their own midwife at home? In DD's birth my midwife was only there every 30 mins just to check me then the actual pushing part. The rest of the time she was very busy.

VioletteValentia · 20/03/2018 09:14

I wouldn’t. I think it’s incredibly selfish personally, because if it all goes wrong, it could be catastrophic. You’ve got no medical equipment there. I’m sure women in countries where they struggle to access healthcare think women in the US and UK are really bizarre for this.

That said, it’s your own personal choice and should always be your choice. If it’s what you want, then don’t be dissuaded by others.

Avaricii · 20/03/2018 09:14

I think a home birth sounds more relaxing if you're not the sort of person who is reassured by being surrounded by doctors.

Stats can be misintepreted. Yes home births are less likely to results in interventions and some of this is due to mothers feeling more relaxed.
However most of it is due to only low risk births happening at home. So full term, single baby, likely to have given birth before, no medical complications, 'normal' size baby... etc.
If you compare like for like- so just very low risk births at home vs very low risk at hospital its still likely to mean fewer interventions- but some of that is because you can't have many types of interventions at a home birth, so would only be in cases of hospital admission.

Do what you feel most comfortable with. I wouldn't because of the prep and clean up! But thats me. Go for it!

monkerina · 20/03/2018 09:15

I'm 11 weeks and planning a homebirth with my second; my first was a low risk, relatively fast and painless delivery in MLU that I wanted to be at home but DH was worried so I relented! In my blue book it says homebirth is less stressful and more likely to result in a 'normal' birth; my midwife is totally on board and excited!

I think homebirth is seen as unusual now, as birth is almost seen as a medical procedure rather than a natural process. I don't intend to tell many people as I'm expecting just the reaction you experienced- fuck em, they're not the ones doing the labour! You do the labour, you get to choose your preference for how/where!

Original poster
InMemoryOfSleep · 20/03/2018 09:15

@BoredOnMatLeave it’s actually cheaper to have a home birth than a hospital one - I guess as you’re not taking up an expensive hospital room and resources.

OP posts:
VioletteValentia · 20/03/2018 09:16

It's proper 'woke' bullshit.

My feelings exactly.

ScrumpyBetty · 20/03/2018 09:16

The trouble is that if something goes wrong, things can deteriorate very quickly
Childbirth is inherently risky, and things can go wrong in an instant. We are very lucky to live in a country with access to hospitals and doctors who can be there in two seconds if needed. Throughout history it was really common for babies and mothers to die in childbirth.

ScrumpyBetty · 20/03/2018 09:17

VioletteValentia exactly!

WorraLiberty · 20/03/2018 09:17

Bored, there was no mess at all.

They used a giant absorbent mat and just whipped it away at the end. WRT the midwives, I had two of them attending together. Mind you, said child is a teenager now, so things are probably very different.