To want a home birth?

[InMemoryOfSleep]

I’m not pregnant (yet), but chatting to my mum and some friends recently I mentioned I’d like a home birth next time. Their reactions weren’t positive, to say the least - despite me explaining that, for a 2nd baby, home birth is as safe as an MLU, and both are safer than a hospital. They’ve made me really doubt myself - having read the research and stats I was convinced it’s the best option, but am I missing something?!

[Biber]

OP, I hope that the responses here are helping you.

I have had three home births, my first in 1993 and my youngest is 19 so my experience is not recent. My memories however are quite clear. There is nothing about any of the births that would have made me regret choosing to have them at home. Research was much harder in pre internet days and I was very glad of an organisation called the society to support home confinement. I was left without a GP when my original GP either lied or was mistaken about home births not being allowed. That was fun, finding a new GP at six months pregnant.

My first child died when he was three days old and I am so glad he was born at home. As we all went into hospital with him the next day due to him not feeding or opening his bowels we probably would never have had those times at home with him as a family that we did. Most likely he would not have been allowed out of hospital.

His death was from a very rare syndrome that had nothing to do with his birth. The paediatric consultant took time to have one to one time with our midwife to reassure that her care of us could not have been improved, that she had not missed any signs that could have led to a better outcome.

Sorry to share the sad story, but wanted to point out that even when things go wrong, there can also be an upside to a home birth.

The others were born in a different room and are now healthy adults.

[VioletteValentia]

Biber

[Peregrina]

The anxiety was presumably a risk factor? You talked about an ELCS for the sake of your mental health. You only need to read threads on MN about women wanting a CS and being fobbed off, to know that a lot of women don't get them.

[VioletteValentia]

That’s not a risk factor for the pregnancy and birth though, it’s just one type of birth being more frightening for me which is pretty normal, whichever way around.

[Fishinthesink]

But that's it, isn't it @Violetta - you can't extrapolate from your experience of finding home/vaginal birth frightening to say that all women should have an ELCS.

Just as I would never extrapolate from a frightening initial hospital experience to say all women should have a HB.

I do hope you have enough self-awareness to realise you're being massively disrespectful.

[VioletteValentia]

I’ve never said everyone should have an ELCS. I even said that while I consider hold birth to be crazy, women should have the right to choose it

[lalalalyra]

I’ve never said everyone should have an ELCS. I even said that while I consider hold birth to be crazy, women should have the right to choose it

And you still can't see why calling home birth "crazy" is actually offensive despite the stories you've heard.

[Peregrina]

Other women are so scared of hospital environments which also affect their mental health, and making comments about them being crazy for wanting a home birth which for them might well be the safest option, is not helpful, to say the least.

[TwittleBee]

I am not sure how logically weighing up the risks, of which the risk level is exactly the same in both environments, and deciding which place a mother would feel comfortable would equate to her choosing a " crazy " option if that choice was home birth

[VioletteValentia]

It’s not crazy if your hospital is rubbish lala so sure, I’ll admit in some scenarios it makes sense, however if you have the option of a good one then I still think it’s a bit odd.

[TwittleBee]

certainly not " odd " when the risk levels are exactly the same and a woman feels more comfortable and in control of their birth in a home setting which means better oxytocin levels and so a better chance of a better birth

I think it is odd how judgy people are about another woman's choice, especially when they have weighed up all the options fairly and have considered the risks in each and where they believe they will feel most relaxed.

[Dinosauratemydaffodils]

@VioletteValentia Home birth absolutely isn't for me but isn't it likely we are all the grandchildren or great grandchildren of women who birthed at home. Certainly both my parents were born at home with little to no support from anyone outside the family.

You talk of anxiety, I have ptsd and anxiety and I wish I could get a baby out of me any other way than surgery. I'm absolutely dreading my elective section this summer despite having a textbook recovery from my emcs last time (up dressed on my own within 5 hours and walking to NICU and back within 24) to the point that I have a general anesthetic agreed (which is whole other story).

We are all very different and what works for one, will never work for all. Isn't that why options are a good thing? Home birth. Better MLU's preferably attached to hospitals rather than in the middle of nowhere with poor ambulance coverage. Maternal request c-sections. Better labour wards and much better postnatal facilities so women aren't running away asap. Finally, definitely more staff, more midwives and better mental health support in the peri-natal period and physical support for injuries like tears, incontinence etc.

[Fishinthesink]

As others have pointed out you said they were 'crazy' for wanting one. I find it very strange that you would privilege your anxiety over others research-based decisions or their own anxiety over hospital/surgery/intervention.

Especially when the research base shows they are in fact the more rational (for 2nd/subsequent births), if you want to get into that.

[PasstheStarmix]

No birth choice is ‘crazy’ and in my opinion they all carry the same level of risks but the risks are just different. Some risk are more scary than others to different people depending on past experience and the type of information you’re exposed to throughout your life. What a boring world it would be fin we all agreed on everything. Diversity is a wonderful thing and difference should be embraced not condemned. What ever way a woman chooses to birth as long as it’s the right decision for her and her family than why should anybody else care? It’s extremely condescending to judge the choices of others so harshly.

[PasstheStarmix]

if we*

[lalalalyra]

It’s not crazy if your hospital is rubbish lala so sure, I’ll admit in some scenarios it makes sense, however if you have the option of a good one then I still think it’s a bit odd.

You are still judging other women by your preferences and experiences.

Your choice made sense for you. It's not so much to ask that you just accept that other people do the same - make the sensible choice for them - without labelling it odd or crazy.

[Pikehau]

VioletteValentia As stated previously you would not be a low risk good candidate for a home birth or maybe even a mw led one due to your own admission of a “melt down” You can’t keep going on about your experience and telling us we are all selfish, woke (?) and should go and die of flu in a developing country (your first few posts)

Some of your valid discussion posts have been totally undermined by nonsense of stinging fannies and the like.

You do seem to have a huge biase towards hospital and doctor birth for all.

I totally get why YOU this was best and I would campaign for you to have another if you needed and were refused.

Apart from your scary (but thankfully good) experience I can’t help but think your views have been shaped by other factors. Which is totally fine but I don’t think you can continue to undermine that a mw led birth (regardless of setting) should be default here in the UK and continue to go from one post that is sensible to another about stinging fannies!!

I have a few friends who described having a mw here as backward as they would expect a consultant ob. They are from all over the world. However chatting to them about my births they were quite surprised at how “medical” they actually were. I think there is a lot of inaccurate thinking that a hb in 2018 is like call the midwife with a leather satchel!

[elliejjtiny]

I sometimes wonder if I'd had the treatment with my elcs that a previous poster did, then I wouldn't still have PTSD nearly 5 years later. As it was I had no skin to skin, wasn't able to hold my baby (dh was so it wasn't because the baby was too poorly) was on a ward with other women who all had their babies with them when mine was in nicu, was having to shuffle about, sterilising bottles, expressing milk, going down to nicu etc in agony while the other women relaxed in bed. The whole experience still gives me nightmares most nights.

[Pikehau]

@Dinosauratemydaffodils that sounds really tough. Pregnancy ptsd and anxiety. I wish you all the best and enjoy those newborn cuddles. X

[VioletteValentia]

Apart from your scary (but thankfully good) experience I can’t help but think your views have been shaped by other factors. Which is totally fine but I don’t think you can continue to undermine that a mw led birth (regardless of setting) should be default here in the UK and continue to go from one post that is sensible to another about stinging fannies!!

Stinging fanny isn’t nonsense, someone on this thread said they had it.

Perhaps they have. I don’t like to be out of control, ever, so I don’t think I’d ever feel comfortable with a normal birth. Plus my own mother nearly died of a massive PPH and as a result had permanent damage. I remember being four and visiting my mom having surgery again in hospital, and how small and pale she looked compared to normal and how bright the lights were. I remember holding my dad’s hand and being afraid I’d never see my mom.

So yeah, maybe some of us have had some really terrifying experiences with vb. I don’t think that makes our view less valid.

[TwittleBee]

That is really well said Pikehau

So sorry you are suffering still elliejjtiny no one should have that experience.

[Pikehau]

You make your views less valid by posting undermining comments.

Stinging fanny is a nonsense comment. It’s wording is nonsense.

[Peregrina]

I don't think anyone has said your view is less valid, Violetta but it's only valid for yourself. It's already been pointed out to you that the standard of care you received for your ELCS is most definitely not the norm. No one has gone and said that you were crazy for choosing to give birth via a major op, for example, but you are saying that other women are crazy, because they have a different viewpoint to you.

[lalalalyra]

I don’t think that makes our view less valid.

No, it doesn't. However, it doesn't make anyone else's views - formed from their own experiences - less valid either, which is what words like "woke" "crazy" and "odd" all suggest.

What you don't seem to be grasping, or be willing to grasp, is that no-one is saying that your choice isn't valid. No-one is saying that given your mental health and your family experience that your choice was anything other than the right one for you.

Yet despite hearing many stories explaining why people have HB's, why people want HB's you are still pushing your opinion that it's odd unless the woman has reasons that you agree with.

[TwittleBee]

VioletteValentia no one said your views are invalid and I am sorry that you have had such experiences in your life. But what people, myself included, is how you continually keep posting antagonizing comments that come across as though you are a mere troll.

What the vast majority on here are saying is everyone is able to have their own choice based on their own views. For some this includes looking at actual evidence and statistics.

(FYI, for me, laying on my back being unable to move or get my baby out myself would make me feel not into control - everyone is different in their views and everyone should respect that)