To want a home birth?

[InMemoryOfSleep]

I’m not pregnant (yet), but chatting to my mum and some friends recently I mentioned I’d like a home birth next time. Their reactions weren’t positive, to say the least - despite me explaining that, for a 2nd baby, home birth is as safe as an MLU, and both are safer than a hospital. They’ve made me really doubt myself - having read the research and stats I was convinced it’s the best option, but am I missing something?!

@lalalalyra absolutely that - in all honestly the postnatal ward is one of the things that is putting me off the most! As fabulous as the staff were in the MLU, I needed stitches and so I was transferred up to the PN ward and had to fight to be discharged after 12 hours. Itwas hot, noisy, uncomfortable, and they barely glanced at me (or fed me) from when I arrived to when I left. I realise I may well need stitches again if I had a home birth, but I will do everything in my power to avoid having that experience again!

As I said I fully support someone’s right to choose a home birth. I think it just seems very alien to me. That’s all.

Maybe I should have said your undermining trolling comments make me less inclined to listen to your more sensible posts and views.

Your views are valid for you. But the underhanded nature of some posts undermine these.

What needs to be understood by everyone, including you VioletteValentia , is that we are all entitled to our own choices for birth and this will be different for each woman because we are all different beings with our own logic/personality/experiences. There is no need to label someone as crazy or their choice as odd because they differ from you. Applying some empathy might help understand how different we all are and how no choice is crazy or odd and doesn't deserve trolling or dismissive comments

Calling people crazy or odd isn't supporting their right to a choice. It's adding a voice to the train of thought that silly women make silly choices and that kind of thing makes getting your choice harder. Saying "It's not for me" or "With my pregnancy the right choice was ELCS" is vastly different to calling people crazy, woke and odd.

VioletteValentia given your early childhood memories of birth are not positive then I totally understand why you requested what you did with your birth.

Being pregnant and until the section was agreed and booked must have been pretty scary for you.

I imagine that’s what some poster on here feel like with dc2 after a poor hospital birth.

Going back to the OP by InMemoryOfSleep

It appears that some people will give you negative reactions because they

1. do not understand what a home birth actually is
2. are unable to accept statistics
3. are blind to how risks are also present in hospital settings
4. do not respect your choice

@inmemoryofsleep I can totally understand that. When you do discuss it with your community midwife ask about the stitches. One of the midwives I had did stiching (if it was just a few) at home. She carried local anaesthetic with her. I was worried about it as I had a slight tear with DD3. Randomly despite being 3lbs bigger DD4 did no damage lol. Totally understandable why you'd want to stay home.

Being pregnant and until the section was agreed and booked must have been pretty scary for you.

It was. I was terrified I’d be denied a section or that something would happen. I spent a while convinced DS and I would die.

Perhaps I was harsh, and I do apologise for saying it’s crazy. It wasn’t the best word and on reflection, I should’ve chosen a different word.

They only crazy things are that in 2018 maternity services are shockingly bad in some areas and that some women are so judgemental of another woman simply because she makes a different choice.

I had an emergency section and an elective for my two girls. I wouldn't have a home birth because of my circumstances. Didn't stop me signing a petition to stop our GP practise from giving misinformation to women (they were telling people that our health board didn't do home births).

Women have few enough choices and little enough support in pregnancy and birthing without giving each other shit.

FWIW I had a 2nd degree tear stitched at home

Re 'stinging fanny' I didn't tear at all during my home birth. I did during my first which was in hospital, was stitched by a doctor (too tightly as it turned out), they got infected while I was in hospital , I then had to go on antibiotics for the first time in my life.
As for your experience of being treated as if you were staying in a hotel violette that might be your ideal birth experience, it certainly wouldn't have been mine. I hate sitting or laying about. All I wanted to do was have the baby as quick as possible and get on with things. Thankfully I was able to do that with my 2nd and 3rd births. My home birth (3rd) was the quickest easiest thing ever, all over within 3 hours, showered and dressed and back downstairs with the baby, took a couple of paracetamol for the afterpains and that was it. Thats my ideal birth.

The ‘stinging fanny’ analogy has made me chuckle. Never heard it put quite like that before.

I remember the midwife saying ‘this bit stings’ as DS was crowning and thinking, ‘are you having a f*king laugh’ It’s a bit like saying having your leg chopped off is a bit sore.

Haha exactly ‘stings’ I mean it’s not a water infection is it!?! You’ve accidentally chopped your finger off and you get ‘you’ve nicked your digit it’ll be okay in a minute.’

I’ve never had it so I don’t know how else to describe what I imagine a cut there feels like

@VioletteValentia I’m not getting at you, to be honest it is a stinging sensation, just times about a million

Extreme stinging fanny maybe?

VioletteValentia's experience of am ELCS was very similar to mine, as was the aftercare. It really was a bit like being in a hotel. The care was fab, and I stayed a bit longer so I could get an extra meal in :-D

Just saying that such a good experience isn't unheard of on the NHS, but that people often only talk about bad experiences.

Don't get me wrong, I didn't need to be waited on like VioletteValentia did so I can't comment on my experience on needing to because I didn't, but my experience of being stuck in an open, bright and noisy ward for 7 nights wasn't pleasant for me.

I will admit I learnt a great deal from the MWs and other staff whilst I was staying there but by day 3 I think they'd covered everything for me.

I should hope with #2 I won't have to stay in a hospital ward again because my HB will be a success. And I do remember what I learnt from those MWs and I'm sure I can ask questions if I have any with the home visits.

It's everyone's right to be able to make a rational choice about where to birth and to receive respect for their decision.

Who knows what might happen in future? After the war a woman having her second or third birth was considered a bit selfish for wanting a hospital birth, when we had a good Domiciliary midwifery service, provided by the Local Authorities. With antibiotic resistance we might move back towards keeping everyone out of hospital unless they absolutely need to be there, simply because infections will be difficult to treat.

I refused to have DC turned both times as DC1 had issues, I wasn't taken seriously, even though at one CTG I was told I think they'll want you in for daily monitoring. 36 wk MW appointment, student couldn't find heart beat, I laughed inside and thought ah trainees bless. Then MW couldn't find HB, have you felt DC move bla bla. Got to hospital 'not you again' err 2 MW's couldn't find a HB. Eventually put on CTG as Matron had to go on lunch. Booked in for section. That weekend I asked how do you know if you're in labour, female family members laughed. Went in for ELCS and I was in active labour, didn't know, when they removed DC they were blue from having cord wrapped tight round neck. Got a sort of apology for all the abuse I'd endured for refusing the turning etc. I ended up with PND, I was a nervous wreck that I hadn't been listened too. Heard consultant say that turning baby would have been crash section or still birth as not enough MW to monitor properly.

DC2 same situation, I even said with a problem I have I don't think a baby could get cephalic. Was told I didn't know what I was talking about. Went into labour and encouraged to try to do vbac. MW kept moaning I must have got dodgy monitor. Ended up crash section and exH beyond fuming I wasn't listened too.

Just weighing in with my experience. I had a hospital birth with first child and it was awful. Not a particularly difficult birth but lots of interventions, pethidine, epidural, episiotomy and finally ventouse AND forceps. I think they were all needed because it was just so slow (over 30 hours). The slowness also meant I went through several shifts meaning I saw multiple midwives. The whole process made me feel like a piece of meat in a factory.

The second birth was at home. It was a last minute decision and it was fuelled by my increasing terror of going back into hospital. I asked my midwife about the possibility about 2 weeks before my due date - her and the GP were very much in favour of home births and the birthing pack was dropped off at my house the next day. It was very timely as DS2 arrived 10 days early a couple of days later. It was a truly joyous experience. I had the undivided attention of a very experienced midwife (who actually used my name). I was relaxed in my own home which I am sure speeded things up and I went from 2cm to 9cm in about 40 minutes with very little pain. In fact it was so quick that the second midwife was pulling up outside as my baby was pushed out. The placenta came quickly and easily and about an hour after the birth I was stitched up (small tear) and DH, me and the two midwives sat on the bed drinking coffee and admiring the baby lying between us. It brings tears to my eyes remembering it.

If you are low risk and within an easy ambulance drive to a hospital I would recommend it without reservation

I wouldn't. I know that it goes well most of the time but then I think of my SIL. She had 2 very easy, textbook births. The third however, went horribly wrong and ended up with 16 medical staff in her room. She later asked the hospital what would have happened if she'd had a home birth. They told her that her son would certainly have died, and they weren't sure if she herself would have survived either. It's the stuff of nightmares if something goes wrong.

Zombie

This is a year old!