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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I was expecting this, yet still disappointed and upset by it.

110 replies

Stabbytheunicorn · 22/01/2018 15:16

This post is probably outting, but I don't really care.

Today is my birthday. I've worked at my place of work for over 2 years now but my colleagues and I are very much separate from the main building and the other staff that work there. I did however do a brief stint in that building and worked alongside a few of the staff there. Every milestone birthday is celebrated by a buffet lunch for birthday person, which is nice as they don't come around often. I've attended a few over the last few years and there is normally a cake, maybe flowers, definitely a card. The last one was a joint one for two staff, one that started after me and one that had only been there a few weeks. However, today, my milestone birthday I've received nothing. No lunch, no flowers.. not even a card.

The colleagues I work closely with day to day have got me a few little things which is nice, but they didn't have to and really shouldn't be expected to, but did because they knew the main work place wouldn't be bothering.

I just feel so unimportant, so undervalued, so worthless. I wasn't expecting a lunch, I knew that, but not even a bloody card, on a big birthday. I'm trying not to be all snowflakey about it but finding it hard not to take it personally.

AIBU to have hoped for a card at least. Flowers would have been lovely, but not even a card?

BTW, before anyone asks, the people that organise these milestone celebrations knew, 100% knew.

OP posts:
AnnieAK · 22/01/2018 15:19

The people you work with don't sound nice at all. You are not being unreasonable in the slightest.

Have some flowers from me Flowers

MrsMaxwell · 22/01/2018 15:20

Aww Sad

Happy Birthday FlowersCake

Trinity66 · 22/01/2018 15:22

No you're not BU at all, it's really mean of them to let you out of something they do for everyone else, especially when you've contributed to other peoples birthdays. I'm glad those you work closely with looked after you instead atleast. Happy Birthday

CuriousaboutSamphire · 22/01/2018 15:22

Send a cheery Thank You email to your close colleagues and accidentally include EVERYONE in.

Then refuse to talk about it... in a dramatic "I want to be alone" manner.

You work with twonks and at your next review you would be perfectly within your rights to mention that you feel isolated by such actions, feel that birthdays have been 'weaponised'...

Ireallylovetea2 · 22/01/2018 15:23

YANBU, that sounds rotten and really unfair, either do it for everyone or don't do it at all!
"Happy birthday to you!" FlowersCakeGin

feska5 · 22/01/2018 15:24

Firstly - Happy Birthday Stabby ! 🥂🍾💐. Of course you feel disappointed and upset. Of course you would take it personally. And you are definitely not being snowflakey. It’s always nice to have a bit of fuss and recognition on your special day. I hope when you go home you get spoilt rotten. Have a lovely evening x

Ireallylovetea2 · 22/01/2018 15:25

Ooh, I love samphire's idea. You should definitely consider that, lol. Very passive aggressive, just what's needed when dealing with idiots!!

SumThucker · 22/01/2018 15:26

Rotten arseholes!

Happy Birthday from me CakeFlowers

magicstar1 · 22/01/2018 15:28

Yep...send a thank you email to all staff, but then follow up with an apology as you only meant to send it to a few people Wink

holasoydora · 22/01/2018 15:29

YANBU! How thoughtless and unnecessary, if they knew. It doesn't take much.

Happy birthday! WineCakeFlowers

demirose87 · 22/01/2018 15:30

Happy birthday. Completely understandable you feel this way. I was always the one left out of collections. I saw having my first baby and 21st birthday in the same workplace and received nothing at all, after paying in to other people's ( not milestone) birthdays fot their cards and presents/ money collection. I never contributed after that. At the end of the day they are just colleagues and I would see them purely as that and nothing more.

AHungryMum · 22/01/2018 15:31

Not being unreasonable at all. That sounds really harsh and I'd be hurt too. Sad

Happy birthday from all of us, hope you are more appreciated outside of work and that you get to do something nice to celebrate!

Xxx

Clovertoast · 22/01/2018 15:32

Are you NHS op ??

TinyTear · 22/01/2018 15:35

not unreasonable, my boss used to be a bit useless and on my 40th i also didn't get a single thing (he was on holiday)... i now never let them forget it Grin

happy birthday

whiskyowl · 22/01/2018 15:37

I'm the first person to say that birthdays should be sung, hollerered, and generally celebrated by all and sundry! So I am very much throwing shade at your colleagues for ignoring this.

However, is it possible that your "status" at work is uncertain, OP, and that there has been some debate over whether you work in the main building, and therefore qualify for flowers and the whole shebang, or whether you're in another team who should take responsibility for this?

I have had issues in the past because of these silly kinds of argument. I was told I couldn't come to the work Christmas do, because I wasn't part of the team, because my income was paid through a grant from an external body. I had nothing to do with that body; all of my work and day-to-day team werein this department. It was just someone being vicious, but it really hurt at the time.

Mookatron · 22/01/2018 15:37

You should just ask, very directly. 'Is there a reason no lunch was arranged for my milestone birthday?'

Honestly, don't put up with it!

allegretto · 22/01/2018 15:38

Happy birthday! Are you sure you're not the one who usually instigates? When I left work after 15 years I got absolutely nothing! I was a bit pissed off as I have organized loads of presents for births, retirements etc over the years - but obviously nobody else could be arsed!

IrisAtwood · 22/01/2018 15:39

I think I worked at the same organisation stabby! Educational establishment in my case.
I was treated in a similar way during long term illness. Others who were ill for than a week or two received flowers and a card. I was ill for almost a whole year and got nothing.

Trinity66 · 22/01/2018 15:39

demirose87
Happy birthday. Completely understandable you feel this way. I was always the one left out of collections. I saw having my first baby and 21st birthday in the same workplace and received nothing at all, after paying in to other people's ( not milestone) birthdays fot their cards and presents/ money collection. I never contributed after that. At the end of the day they are just colleagues and I would see them purely as that and nothing more

That's terrible, I really don't understand how people can be such cruel arseholes

MothertotheLordsofmisrule · 22/01/2018 15:44

Let's form an office here and make up for lack of birthday wishes.

So Happy Birthday from Mother who is in charge of the stationery cupboard and likes cats. (I sit in front of the cupboard so consider myself the true guardian.FlowersCakeFlowers

WhatATimeToBeAlive · 22/01/2018 15:44

I organise all the cards for colleagues where I work. My birthday last year was forgotten by everyone including my manager. And I even took cakes in! When they remembered they were mortified and very apologetic but it was about 10 days later so the moment had truly passed.

MargoLovebutter · 22/01/2018 15:45

Firstly - Glitterball Cake HAPPY BIRTHDAY Flowers Glitterball I'm glad your close colleagues made a fuss of you.

I hate being disappointed by stuff like this, so I'd have found out who should have been organising it in the main office and asked if they wanted any help, or coordination between the buildings etc. well in advance, so there was no possible way I could be 'overlooked'! If I were you I'd still be tempted to ask them if they needed any help coordinating it - just so they can't wiggle out of it.

MotherOfBeagles · 22/01/2018 15:47

Its not nice and they really have been horribly thoughtless! I know how you feel. I've never received a birthday card or anything from my work colleagues (including when they were invited to and attended my wedding). I went on mat leave just before Christmas. Nothing besides a nod and good luck.

I've spent years putting into birthday funds and writing birthday cards, weddings, maternity leave, baby showers etc etc etc.

My baby is now here and I got a card when I brought him in to meet them. One of the crappy stock charity cards we keep in the cupboard in case we forget a birthday in another department.

Gets worse - they've just sent an email to my personal email account asking if I would like to put some money or send a gift for a colleague from another department who is going on maternity leave. I'm also invited to her afternoon tea leaving do. All of which my department has arranged as a special something from them to this other colleague.

It's worse than high school and it makes me feel like a selfish shit because I'm upset at not getting anything

MissionItsPossible · 22/01/2018 15:47

Sorry OP Flowers Hope your day improves. Happy Birthday.

May I ask how you're certain they know it's your birthday?

TroelsLovesSquinkies · 22/01/2018 15:48

This is why I always make sure I'm off on my birthday.
Happy Birthday OP, make 'em squirm.

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