I was expecting this, yet still disappointed and upset by it.

[Stabbytheunicorn]

This post is probably outting, but I don't really care.

Today is my birthday. I've worked at my place of work for over 2 years now but my colleagues and I are very much separate from the main building and the other staff that work there. I did however do a brief stint in that building and worked alongside a few of the staff there. Every milestone birthday is celebrated by a buffet lunch for birthday person, which is nice as they don't come around often. I've attended a few over the last few years and there is normally a cake, maybe flowers, definitely a card. The last one was a joint one for two staff, one that started after me and one that had only been there a few weeks. However, today, my milestone birthday I've received nothing. No lunch, no flowers.. not even a card.

The colleagues I work closely with day to day have got me a few little things which is nice, but they didn't have to and really shouldn't be expected to, but did because they knew the main work place wouldn't be bothering.

I just feel so unimportant, so undervalued, so worthless. I wasn't expecting a lunch, I knew that, but not even a bloody card, on a big birthday. I'm trying not to be all snowflakey about it but finding it hard not to take it personally.

AIBU to have hoped for a card at least. Flowers would have been lovely, but not even a card?

BTW, before anyone asks, the people that organise these milestone celebrations knew, 100% knew.

Oh god I could have written this post on my milestone birthday last year when my manager forgot and didn't even get me a card. We always celebrate milestones with a gift and office card and for nearly 7 years I have contributed. I actually went and cried in the toilets when I got a few of the birthday card stashes from other departments. My ex-colleague I was really close to text me to find out what I had got and was so upset for me that the boss' daughter had been recognised on her 'not a milestone' birthday and I had been forgotten. I have since refused to put in for birthdays and make a cursory contribution to any other requests for money.

In my last work place it was obligatory (I kid you not) to give £5 into a collection for colleagues birthdays, babies, house moves and on and on. It wasn't in our contracts but it would not go well with you on planet crap job if you refused.

I dutifully put in. I gave my notice in before my birthday and you guessed it...got sod all. I wasn't hurt as much as pissed off really. But I consoled myself with the idea that I didn't need a cushion and a cheesy mug. Then swanned off (with no leaving card either) to a far more cushy role with better money and more responsibility. Living well is the best revenge.

Mind you...I worked damn hard in that job. My face just didn't fit. Oh well.

If I were one of your nice close colleagues (the ones who work in the same building as you), I'd be emailing the Collector General in the main building asking what happened to the buffet celebrations for Stabby?

Shame on them.

Happy birthday OP.

Happy Birthday stabby. You are not in the least U...I'd be furious and upset too.

I'll join in with the online office and as Acting Director of Finance will happily sign off on expenses a huge slap up meal with all the colleagues of your choice. With wine. And flowers. And a lovely handbag wrapped up in lovely rustly tissue paper!

How mean! I had similar when I got married, literally got NOTHING. The trouble is, I was the person who got everyone organised for other people’s weddings etc. and so no one thought to do it for me.
Anyway,
🎂 HAPPY BIRTHDAY 🎂

I hope you have a lovely one despite those bastards!

This thread has reminded me that in my last job I worked there for two years and dutifully put in people's collections but when I left, I got bugger all from the staff, although I got a lovely card from the children (I'm a learning support assistant.) To me, it just underlined what a shitty unsupportive environment it was where your face had to fit.

This is one reason why I am glad I have always worked in male dominated engineering companies. No one 'does' birthdays, although occasionally someone will bring some cakes in. I rarely partake as only in office 2 days, and always take my own birthday off.

We do collections for babies, leaving, retirements and I put in if I know the person. I work PT and even then am not always in office, so don't always know people in the teams around where I sit.

I got married and had my DC when working for a different company, did get wedding presents and cards and flowers after births, can't remember if any specific baby presents (youngest almost 18). Also got flowers when my mum died, but that was organised by HR.

My next milestone will be retirement, am almost 55 and hope to go at 60. There is usually a staff collection and then a company provided buffet, speech and a company retirement cheque, so I am guessing I will get that. Time will tell.

Op - happy birthday, hope you are doing something special tonight.

MotherofBeagles - I would definitely be tempted to send a PA reply to that email, I have definitely become more PA as I have got older and tend not to worry as much about what others think! I feel really annoyed on your behalf, and I do think you should call them out on it. As you say, it is common decency. Did they not buy anything for your wedding? Not even individual gifts?

Weirdcat - I am in for the buffet, though not sure about all that fruit. Surely birthday buffets should be cake, cake and more cake?

Happy birthday stabby

I'd be pissed off too. I can contribute a tub of Celebrations to your virtual MN birthday party if that's any consolation

I had similar happen to me when I was going on maternity leave.

Everyone in the department who went on leave was always presented (in front of everyone) with a card and gifts - either something specific for baby or flowers plus the money/vouchers.

When I went on leave - NOTHING! I had always contributed generously to all collections etc.

Never did again and left a year after I returned.

Of course you can rant about it on social media! If they take the hump then they should have done something shouldn't they? You would only be telling truth. "Thank you to everyone who made such a lovely fuss of me on my big birthday. Marred only by being so obviously undervalued in the other sphere of my life"

Hope instead of any social media rubbish you are out and getting good and birthday boozed.

Heyooooihhhhh!!!!

(Guess who is doing dry Jan and so is encouraging EVERYONE on the internet to drink for me)

Shots! Shots! Shots!

Happy birthday (YANBU) Hope you had a nice rest of day

Sorry you're hurt... I would be too.

Happy birthday - it's my birthday too.

It does seem odd me to get emotional about this. They are work colleagues why do they care about your birthday or you theirs? They are not your family or friends. Don't say anything - cringe.

Agree it's rubbish to do for some and not others but cannot imagine giving a damn. I got a huge fancy bouquet from my work when I had a baby but was quite bemused as to why they bothered - it didn't come with any feeling. Appreciate am going against the grain!

I would go and see the person/people who always organise it for others and ask them pleasantly face to face why? They will probably say it's because you work in a different building at which point you could point out to them that it is very hurtful to be excluded, I would then ask them to who you should submit a formal request to ensure that the next person from your building is not similarly excluded.
I can't believe that your overall boss/es want to preside over an environment where some members of staff feel so excluded!

Happy birthday stabby. Sorry your colleagues were rubbish. I've been here too.
My previous workplace people leaving or people having babies were bought a leaving gift from collection which I always contributed to, normally a fiver for baby gifts and a tenner for leavers. When DS was born I got nothing. When DD was born I got nothing. When I left I got nothing. it did make me feel really undervalued and I decided that in future job I'll stay out of those collections.

Where is the money coming from? Is it for every single employee?

I’m guessing it’s the company, as you mentioned your colleagues actually did mark your birthday and paid for it out of their own pockets.

If this is something the company does, I’m puzzled why you’ve decided the “organisers” are deliberately excluding you and why someone in your building couldn’t have organised anything for you with the allocated budget set aside for each employee’s birthday?

Can sympathise. When I got married, my immediate work colleagues bought me a present but not even a card from management (the rest of the office).

Having been on honeymoon for a month, first day back I got into the lift with the M.D. and two of the senior managers (it wasn’t a massive company and everyone knew each other). MD turns to me and says “haven’t seen you for a while, have you been unwell?” Waited a few seconds till we stopped at the next floor and answered, “nope, on honeymoon” and got out without a backwards glance.

So Happy Birthday 🎂

i used to work in the sweater shop, can anyone remember it? it was the in the 90s i was only there for 2 years, but in that time people came and left and we all paid in and brought a card and small present, when i left no present not even a card, i felt very upset about it.

I have had three babies in my job and Big a card for any of them. So feel your pain.

I've seen this happening and what galls me the most is when someone who is unpleasant (and everyone knows it) gets a big present and card and it makes them look like really nice people who everyone cares about. Like the size of your collection is the same as the size of your heart. However it's usually down to the effort put in by your best friend at work if you have one. It's my birthday today as well and what a thoroughly miserable day in January it is!

Happy Birthday for yesterday!

YANBU. I’d feel a bit hurt too. It’s your special day, it’s nice to have it acknowledged.

I have always chosen to book my birthday off work. I’ve never worked on my birthday. Because I’d rather have a day of pampering myself than spending it with work colleagues and doing work.

Yep, I hear you!
Despite contributing to other departmental birthday presents, organising the ML card/presents/lunch for our heinous boss and taking in yummy treats for the whole floor on my birthdays, I’d never get so much as a card.
Happy birthday OP

Hi, miserable for you - some people are either mean, unthinking, selfish or all three. Don’t give them a second thought, please. For example, I discovered after a couple of years in my last job that I was organising and contributing for everyone else, but was nearly always forgotten on my birthday etc. I then stuck all the birthdays and reminders in the shared calendar, which helped a lot.

Seeing similar responses here has made me feel more cheerful - I had thought it was only me that this sort of thing happened to, but clearly not!

Happy birthday to you, and have a lovely time tonight. 🎁🍾💐🎈