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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I was expecting this, yet still disappointed and upset by it.

110 replies

Stabbytheunicorn · 22/01/2018 15:16

This post is probably outting, but I don't really care.

Today is my birthday. I've worked at my place of work for over 2 years now but my colleagues and I are very much separate from the main building and the other staff that work there. I did however do a brief stint in that building and worked alongside a few of the staff there. Every milestone birthday is celebrated by a buffet lunch for birthday person, which is nice as they don't come around often. I've attended a few over the last few years and there is normally a cake, maybe flowers, definitely a card. The last one was a joint one for two staff, one that started after me and one that had only been there a few weeks. However, today, my milestone birthday I've received nothing. No lunch, no flowers.. not even a card.

The colleagues I work closely with day to day have got me a few little things which is nice, but they didn't have to and really shouldn't be expected to, but did because they knew the main work place wouldn't be bothering.

I just feel so unimportant, so undervalued, so worthless. I wasn't expecting a lunch, I knew that, but not even a bloody card, on a big birthday. I'm trying not to be all snowflakey about it but finding it hard not to take it personally.

AIBU to have hoped for a card at least. Flowers would have been lovely, but not even a card?

BTW, before anyone asks, the people that organise these milestone celebrations knew, 100% knew.

OP posts:
WeirdCatLady · 22/01/2018 15:50

Oh OP, what a shitty thing to happen.

As Mother (or Goddess of the Stationery Cupboard as she shall forever now be known as) says, we should have an online party. I’ve organised a buffet for us...

🍓🥝🍇🍒 🍗🍖🍕 🍩🍪 🎂 🥂🥂🥂🥂

Altogether now ‘Happy Birthday to yoooooo...’

aaaaargghhhhelpme · 22/01/2018 15:51

Happy birthday FlowersCakeGin

Yanbu. Clutching at straws but do they only do the big bash thing for people who work in the main building?!

On the plus side the people you actually work with sound awesome. They made a fuss of you. That's what matters.

Trinity66 · 22/01/2018 15:53

MotherOfBeagles

Oh my god, the cheek of them sending you an email looking for money. Did you reply? I'd have to say something in that situation

JaneEyre70 · 22/01/2018 15:53

Agree with other PPs about a group email, profusely thanking your colleagues for the presents and recognising how important your birthday was to you. And then another oops one to follow, saying you'd forgotten not everyone joined in.

Happy Birthday and I hope the rest of your day is better Flowers

allthgoodusernamesaretaken · 22/01/2018 15:55

my colleagues and I are very much separate from the main building and the other staff that work there

I wonder if this may be the reason you didn't get a present - out of sight, out of mind?

It's horrible to be excluded, whatever the reason.

MotherOfBeagles · 22/01/2018 15:56

trinity no I haven't yet I don't trust myself to do so! I normally get on really well with my colleagues except for times like these. Tbh I feel pathetic but it genuinely hurts me. And I'm not one of those people who thinks they're my friends but surely common decency.

weirdcatlady I'm up for that! Don't forget the 🎈🎈🎈

smoothieooo · 22/01/2018 15:58

Happy birthday!

I know the feeling. I moved departments 2 weeks before my milestone birthday last year (having worked bloody hard for 5 years in my previous department) and didn't get so much as a card from my ex colleagues/bosses. Mind you, I didn't get so much as a Christmas card from any of the current 7 managers that I work for, which was made all the more galling by the sight of my colleagues' desks piling up with Jo Malone bags, Hotel Chocolat goodies and bottles of wine... and it definitely engenders a bit of a 'fuck you' attitude!

I hope the rest of your day is lovely Flowers

Original poster
Stabbytheunicorn · 22/01/2018 16:00

Thank you lovely people for not being mean to me and telling me to get over myself. I just feel so hurt by it, bar my family these are the people I see most often and I guess you do begin to think they are friends. Guess I now know they are most definitely not.

My manager is lovely and so are the people I work with daily and those are the important work colleagues but it just stings to mean so little to the main team. I can't be bitter towards them all as I suppose most don't know it's my birthday, or that it's a big one. However the people that organise do know and chose to ignore it.

I can't even rant about on social media as they are on there. I think a cull might be needed.

To the poster who asked if it was NHS, it's not. To the poster who was off sick and thought we worked at the same place.. maybe, same sector!

OP posts:
allthgoodusernamesaretaken · 22/01/2018 16:00

Agree with other PPs about a group email, profusely thanking your colleagues for the presents and recognising how important your birthday was to you. And then another oops one to follow, saying you'd forgotten not everyone joined in

I see the temptation, and it's easy to be a brave keyboard warrior / passive-aggressive, but in the real world, I don't think this is good advice. I think it would come across as sarcastic and petty. better to remain dignified I think

NowApparently · 22/01/2018 16:03

Firstly, Happy Birthday!! Wine Cake

If I didn't know any better, I'd swear you were me. No birthday cards, no wedding card, no maternity leave present despite contributing to everyone else's. I'm technically the only person who works in my department on my site but still, fuck 'em, I've been there 7 bloody years!

livefornaps · 22/01/2018 16:04

Happy birthday!!!!

Go out and get seriously boozed with your colleague mates after work - then call in sick tomorrow. Legend!!

DenPerry · 22/01/2018 16:05

I usually cringe at birthday/christmas/valentines threads but in your case I would be upset too. Either do a celebration for all birthdays or none.

Lovemusic33 · 22/01/2018 16:06

Happy birthday 🎂

My birthday is like this every year Sad

Namechangetempissue · 22/01/2018 16:06

That is shit Flowers Happy Birthday OP!
My DH worked at the same place for twenty years -probably had three days off sick in all those years, was a manager and most experienced member of staff. On the day he left, senior management got him absolutely nothing. Not even a card. Miserable dicks. We own our own business now, really value our staff and would never treat someone like that.
I hope you have a wonderful evening at home.

MissEliza · 22/01/2018 16:06

Happy Birthday Op! Can I ask if you've contributed to these celebrations in the past? If so, don't do it again and say explicitly why.

Antigonads · 22/01/2018 16:09

I was lucky enough to have a female boss in the year that my 40th birthday fell and I also went on maternity leave. It was an all male team other than us and I know that nothing would have been done if it were not for her.

I did hear one chap moaning about my maternity leave collection as he had 'only recently contributed to my 40th'. He also claimed to not know I was pregnant and thought I was just putting on weight!

It is mean but as you work in a different building maybe you fall outside their remit. Who normally pays for the buffet?

Ljlsmum · 22/01/2018 16:20

Eugh I hate this, I had the same as Demi rose with my first and probably last baby -not even a card. Other mum on 4th baby had big collection of goodies then following year another mum on second by with collection. I don't put in for any colleagues who were around at that time but will for new recruits who have babies. I like my job and get on with everyone but I felt so hurt that I was overlooked. unfortunately I'm holding that grudge.

Ginslinger · 22/01/2018 16:23

Happy Birthday - I think that you should ask directly and calmly why nothing was organised for your birthday.

Lweji · 22/01/2018 16:26

So, who organises all those lunches?

Is it someone on the main team all the time? For your closer colleagues as well?
Why haven't those you work closely with ask or organise something? That is odd.

Ljlsmum · 22/01/2018 16:26

Oh and Happy Birthday to you. I hope outside of work has made up for it. Flowers.

mydietstartsmonday · 22/01/2018 16:37

Email the organizers and ask why are you being singled out and you would like a cake and buffet for your team. Have it out with them.

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 22/01/2018 16:38

Happy Special Birthday Stabby.🎂
What goes around, comes around !
Hold you have a lovely evening. 💐🍾💝

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 22/01/2018 16:39
  • Hope 🙄
AhhhhThatsBass · 22/01/2018 16:44

Happy Birthday, OP. I'm glad your immediate colleagues did something for you and made you feel special.

I would probably keep a dignified silence but at the next one (for the next person who celebrates a milestone birthday,) ask the organiser if there is a specific criterium that must be fulfilled to get the full works, you're just curious, type way. You don't have to be aggressive about it, or even passive agressive, but you'd be in your right to want to know, given that yours was ignored but no one else's has been.

Flowers It's a shame there isn't a [champagne] emoji.
Medwaymumoffour · 22/01/2018 16:44

Happy birthday! I had this at my old company. My colleague was 40 two weeks before me. He had his desk decorated, card, fuss. I got sod all.
I put into leavening collections, birthday collections, baby collections but I didn’t even get a card when I went on maternity or a leaving card when I got made redundant.
Next job I get I think I will think twice.
It’s deliberately nasty I think

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