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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is a hurtful thing to say?

121 replies

Purplerain101 · 12/01/2018 19:34

Was just talking about the stupid program ‘naked attraction’ with my OH (for those who haven’t seen it it’s a dating show where the person gets to pick between 5 naked people and they get shown their body parts bit by bit).
I said to him “would you pick me if you were on it and just saw my body and not my face?”
His response: “maybe if I saw your top half but definitely not your bottom half”. He wasn’t joking either and said it in a completely serious voice.
He’s now saying I’m over reacting for feeling hurt. AIBU?

OP posts:
gunsandbanjos · 12/01/2018 19:35

I always go by the, don’t ask the question if you don’t want the answer motto.

Yes it was hurtful however you asked.

RedHelenB · 12/01/2018 19:36

YABU don't ask this sort ofor question if you don't want a truthful answer

SugarNyx · 12/01/2018 19:36

What a dick! Even if it’s true he’s supposed to lie. Men 😡

Faking · 12/01/2018 19:37

That's harsh. But you did ask a question.

junebirthdaygirl · 12/01/2018 19:37

Would you pick him for his bottom or top half??? It was a dangerous question to ask so need to be ready for reply.

Rebeccaslicker · 12/01/2018 19:38

No. He said a hurtful thing to someone he's supposed to love.

I suspect he knows he was insensitive and that's why he's trying to tell you that you're overreacting.

FurCoatFurKnickers · 12/01/2018 19:39

Never never ask a question like this unless you are prepared to get an honest, albeit, hurtful answer.

Would you pick him from his body parts if he were on the show?

Original poster
Purplerain101 · 12/01/2018 19:40

I genuinely would as he has a good body and he’s just my type. I shouldn’t have asked it as it’s just made me feel really self conscious now

OP posts:
Kimlek · 12/01/2018 19:40

You shouldn’t have asked but he should have fibbed ‘Of course I would darling’. But at least he would have chosen your top half!

IJustLostTheGame · 12/01/2018 19:40

Don't let him near your bottom half again until he learns to appreciate it.

BigBaboonBum · 12/01/2018 19:41

What an arse

MikeUniformMike · 12/01/2018 19:41

Never ask this sort of question. It will only make you worry, even if he said ever bit of you was the most beautiful in the world.

ragged · 12/01/2018 19:43

I find that a compliment.
He loves you for you, wants to be with you for you, not your body parts. You have something not purely physical.

randyymarsh · 12/01/2018 19:44

To be honest you did ask him and he gave you an answer. Also not to be mean but I've never understood why people always go on about honesty being important in a relationship but then freak when situations like this one arise. Yes he was hurtful and to be honest he could have phrased it better to soften the blow but at least he was honest? I wouldn't read too much into it if it was me but I understand why you'd be hurt

kaytee87 · 12/01/2018 19:45

It was daft of you to ask, he should have been more sensitive. Aren't we always telling our oh's to be honest though?

grannytomine · 12/01/2018 19:45

What an arse Is that what he said? Wink

Figrollsnotfatrolls · 12/01/2018 19:46

You should have said I would have picked u if your dick had been bigger. ...

Birdsgottafly · 12/01/2018 19:47

That was a very dangerous question to ask and it shouldn't have been asked.

It's a dating/shagging show, not a 'who do you want to spend the rest of your life/have children with' show. I wouldn't have picked my DH out of a line up, or some of my ex's, depending on who they were up against.

He should have declined to answer or fudged it, but you shouldn't be put in a position were you have to outright lie.

BrickInTheWall · 12/01/2018 19:50

Well I wouldn't ask that type of question unless you were prepared for an honest answer. I don't think he should have lied by the way. If I'm dressed up for a night out and I ask my husband how I look I want an honest opinion not a fob off.

Being honest if I was on the programme I probably wouldn't choose my husband's body.. even when we got together. That's not what I fell in love with him for though and I do find him attractive.

Original poster
Purplerain101 · 12/01/2018 19:50

Guess I was just a bit surpassed by his answer as I honestly thought he’d say yes as he’s never made me think he doesn’t love every part of my body. Definitely learnt my lesson to not ask something like that again as it’s made me feel crap.

OP posts:
Original poster
Purplerain101 · 12/01/2018 19:51

*surprised not surpassed

OP posts:
ThisLittleKitty · 12/01/2018 19:53

I don't see it as a compliment as he is saying he would pick her for her body just not the bottom half of it so saying that parts not nice. Can't see that as a compliment? Anyway as other said you did ask...

Original poster
Purplerain101 · 12/01/2018 19:56

I think it’s more the way he worded it that I’m hurt by. “definitely not your bottom half” seemed very harsh to me. But I guess there’s no kind way to word something like that without completely lying

OP posts:
peachypetite · 12/01/2018 19:58

Were you fishing for compliments? Generally it's not good to ask questions like that if you're sensitive!

steff13 · 12/01/2018 19:59

I don't know how keen I'd be to let him near my bottom half in the near future.