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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is a hurtful thing to say?

121 replies

Purplerain101 · 12/01/2018 19:34

Was just talking about the stupid program ‘naked attraction’ with my OH (for those who haven’t seen it it’s a dating show where the person gets to pick between 5 naked people and they get shown their body parts bit by bit).
I said to him “would you pick me if you were on it and just saw my body and not my face?”
His response: “maybe if I saw your top half but definitely not your bottom half”. He wasn’t joking either and said it in a completely serious voice.
He’s now saying I’m over reacting for feeling hurt. AIBU?

OP posts:
duckdarlington · 12/01/2018 21:14

Do people really want a marriage based on lies? Why ask the question, if you dont want to hear the answer? If my partner asks me if I like her outfit, I will give her my honest opinion. Just as when I ask if she likes what im wearing, she will give me her opinion.

etap · 12/01/2018 21:17

YLB

MerryInthechelseahotel · 12/01/2018 21:23

* Do people really want a marriage based on lies? Why ask the question, if you dont want to hear the answer? If my partner asks me if I like her outfit, I will give her my honest opinion.*

You want someone to speak with love. If your child asked you if their body was ok would you say nah if it wasn't "perfect"

Original poster
Purplerain101 · 12/01/2018 21:23

@duck I think there’s a tad difference between giving an opinion on an outfit to someone’s physical body

OP posts:
MerryInthechelseahotel · 12/01/2018 21:23

Bold fail

duckdarlington · 12/01/2018 21:30

@MerryInthechelseahotel

But she didnt ask if her body was okay? And so also he never said her body wasnt okay.
But I would never tell my child that their body was 'perfect', if they asked I would tell them it didnt matter if their body wasnt 'perfect'

duckdarlington · 12/01/2018 21:31

@Purplerain101

Well then if my partner asked me in private a question about her body, i would presume she was asking because she wanted me to listen and actually answer, so I would.

Strongvegetables · 12/01/2018 21:36

I’m on the fence with this...

I’ve kept in shape but dh hasn’t , he asked for years if I still fancied him and I lied about and said yes (when I didn’t Sad ) in the end I had to tell the truth as he had a weight issue. He has finally started to get to grips with it and it’s slowly shifting.

Maybe he is just being honest

FluffyWuffy100 · 12/01/2018 21:39

Ugh I hate it when people fish for compliments

MonumentalAlabaster · 12/01/2018 21:39

This is in the same category as people who ask you to guess their age and then are pissed off if your guess is accurate or older than their actual age! If you can't take an honest reply, don't ask the question....

ShoesHaveSouls · 12/01/2018 21:41

"But I would never tell my child that their body was 'perfect', if they asked I would tell them it didnt matter if their body wasnt 'perfect'"

You what?! Please don't do that to a child, ever.

LondonLassInTheCountry · 12/01/2018 21:42

His being honest.

I would rather my partner tell me the truth

If you ask the question......

weedoogie · 12/01/2018 21:56

Why ask if you just want him to say good stuff, whether it's true or not? Because then his answer is entirely meaningless....

"Am I gorgeous?"

"Yes dear"

why bother?

Tansilie · 12/01/2018 21:56

I personally think YANBU. It's perfectly clear to most people that you don't expect a truthful reply in a situation like that if it's hurtful. I would lie and most people I know would lie...

SparklyLights · 12/01/2018 21:58

Sounds like a petty spiteful remark because you told him off for not topping the car up with petrol or some other equally unrelated issue to me. Could he be feeling resentful to you for something? Does he have form for searing honesty? Is he completely tactless all of the time?

Completely contrary to some posters, I don't think it was at all essential to answer "honestly" in this situation. Honesty has nothing to do with it. OP was asking light heartedly and prompted by the hypothetic and impossible situation that they both would be on this programme and unbeknown to each other. It did not require a serious answer.

He should have said "Hell yes!" and left a feel-good glow all round. "Definitely not your bottom half"? The fucking cheek.

I'd be tempted to remove my "bottom half" from the relationship for the foreseeable if it's such a "definitely not"...

There are times for complete honesty in a relationship and times for answering with fun, with love, with respect. This was a time for the latter. It's a below the belt (as it were) strike from your DH. You deserve an apology for his insult, which it was.

Tansilie · 12/01/2018 22:00

My partner is extremely skinny. He's lost a lot of weight and struggled to out anything back on.

It's not his fault, it's not something he can change, so if he asked me if I thought he was less attractive because he was underweight, I would lie and say 'no'.
What would be the point in me saying 'yes, you are less attractive now you've lost weight'. To hurt him about something he can't even fix?

Tansilie · 12/01/2018 22:01

Sparkly lights Agree.

Greensleeves · 12/01/2018 22:04

YANBU at all, the tactless clod!

BattleCuntGalactica · 12/01/2018 22:10

What a fucking prick.

Imsorrynow · 12/01/2018 22:13

If that’s how he feels, maybe your ‘bottom half’ should be off limits for a week or two.

LalalaLeah · 12/01/2018 22:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AtSea1979 · 12/01/2018 22:16

shoes I’m not going to tell my child they are perfect. No wonder there’s so many bratty entitled young adults around if parents are telling them that all the time.

ShoesHaveSouls · 12/01/2018 22:19

AtSea - It wasn't telling the child they're perfect - it was telling them that they're body was "not perfect." Just to be "truthful". Which is a cruelty.

So called honesty Hmm

ShoesHaveSouls · 12/01/2018 22:22

*their

duckdarlington · 12/01/2018 22:24

@ShoesHaveSouls

Do what to a child? Tell them that they have to be 'perfect'? Because they dont and thats a ridiculous requirement to place on a child.