Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is a hurtful thing to say?

121 replies

Purplerain101 · 12/01/2018 19:34

Was just talking about the stupid program ‘naked attraction’ with my OH (for those who haven’t seen it it’s a dating show where the person gets to pick between 5 naked people and they get shown their body parts bit by bit).
I said to him “would you pick me if you were on it and just saw my body and not my face?”
His response: “maybe if I saw your top half but definitely not your bottom half”. He wasn’t joking either and said it in a completely serious voice.
He’s now saying I’m over reacting for feeling hurt. AIBU?

OP posts:
ShoesHaveSouls · 12/01/2018 22:25

Not have to be - but it's a cruelty to tell a child that their body is not perfect in the name of "honesty".

Nobody has to be perfect.

duckdarlington · 12/01/2018 22:33

@ShoesHaveSouls

My children are todlers and i feel my step children would probably go to their mother with those kind of issues. But hypothetically one of my children or step children come to me because they are worried about their body and it not being 'perfect', say they dont have the the thighs like the women on Tv or the abs like the men in the magazines, I am not going to dismiss their concerns and say their body is 'perfect', its most likely not going to be 'perfect' and I would want to teach them that is okay and there is so much more to them than that. I dont what my child growing up thinking that their bodys have to meet some standard of 'perfection'

MrsAJ27 · 12/01/2018 22:39

He's a dick and I would seriously be pissed off!

ShoesHaveSouls · 12/01/2018 22:40

Can I just say - this discussion started with the post "if your child asked you if their body was ok, you wouldn't say, well it's not perfect".

If you then say "well it doesn't matter if it's not perfect" - a child will hear "my body is not perfect". Why would you do that to a child? Or your wife, in the case of the OP, come to that? I know I'm not perfect (far from it at the moment!) but my DH makes me feel I am to him. I do the same to my children.

ShoesHaveSouls · 12/01/2018 22:44

And if your child comes to you saying their thighs aren't like the women's in the magazines - you don't equate that to not "being perfect" - you say, well people come in all shapes and sizes - but that doesn't mean you're not perfect.

Maelstrop · 12/01/2018 22:46

He’s daft to have answered with anything approaching a negative. Of course you’re going to be pissed off. You’re also daft for asking! In an idea world, of course we’d go for the preferred body type, fit, no cellulite, whatever.

PoorYorick · 12/01/2018 22:49

I really think this is one of those occasions where, if your partner asks, just fucking lie. Unlike some PPs, I don't need to hear a hurtful truth when there's nothing to gain from it and would much rather my husband just told a little white lie that harms no one and spares my feelings.

I really do not believe we must always be brutally honest on absolutely everything without exception. And I'm wary of those who claim otherwise because we are ALL liars when it suits us.

Yes, you probably shouldn't have asked, but women are constantly judged on their looks and pressured over them, and it's not unreasonable to look to your partner for some reassurance.

gillybeanz · 12/01/2018 22:58

I'd like to know if my dh wasn't over keen on my bottom half, but maybe not so bluntly, at least a short conversation with it ending up with him saying how much he loved me.
I would rather know than him lie though, as this isn't his character.

Stompythedinosaur · 12/01/2018 23:02

It was an ill-advised question but agree his reaponse was unhurtful and unnecessary.

BelleandBeast · 12/01/2018 23:28

Tell him he no longer has access to your bottom half, as its so abhorrent to him.

FetchezLaVache · 12/01/2018 23:34

Your response should have been "yeah... likewise, actually".

DreamyMcDreamy · 13/01/2018 00:16

But loving all of your body is not the same as blind picking it out of a line-up not knowing it's yours. Surely you want the former and not the latter???

This! Why ask in the first place, and you presumably know he loves you.
On meeting my now DH been together for years it's the person I wouldn't have done the whole blind picking out line up, it's the person I want to be with.
The former is better than the latter!

LemonysSnicket · 13/01/2018 00:32

Yes, hurtful. But I know I wouldn’t rate my bottom half on its own and doubt DP would pick me based on that either.

Original poster
Purplerain101 · 13/01/2018 08:44

Thanks everyone. Seems you’re all 50/50 as to whether he should have told a white lie or not. Just going to let it drop as it’s not going to do us any favours if I probe further. Definitely won’t be asking any questions like that again

OP posts:
category12 · 13/01/2018 10:41

Is he generally nice to you, or is he often a toerag?

Original poster
Purplerain101 · 13/01/2018 11:00

@category he is normally very loving which is why I was a bit shocked by the bluntness of his answer. He’s perfectly entitled to not find my body perfect, I wouldn’t expect him to as I know it’s not. But I think he could have worded it slightly less offensively. Spoke to him this morning and I’ve agreed to never ask him anything like that on the spot again as he’s admitted he can be tactless without thinking

OP posts:
Nitrobetty1 · 13/01/2018 12:12

Maybe he’s being truthful.
Are you overweight, frumpy & covered in cellulite?

Only1scoop · 13/01/2018 12:14

I'd know my OH would have that on the tip of his tongue but wouldn't say it.Grin

It's not nice to hear though

That programme is outrageous

RoseWhiteTips · 13/01/2018 12:15

BigBaboonBum

What an arse

Haha

RoseWhiteTips · 13/01/2018 12:16

I have only caught parts of this ghastly programme when flicking.
shudder

Original poster
Purplerain101 · 13/01/2018 12:19

@nitro I’m a size 12, 5ft 9 tall and I work out every day so no I’m not overweight, frumpy and covered in cellulite Hmm
Judging by the celebrity women he finds attractive he likes very petite figures

OP posts:
TheStoic · 13/01/2018 12:21

But I would never tell my child that their body was 'perfect', if they asked I would tell them it didnt matter if their body wasnt 'perfect'

Every child’s body is perfect, just the way it is. Why on earth would you ever say otherwise??

derangedmermaid · 13/01/2018 12:26

What a cunt.

Because we can all do that shitty "well you want honestly... blah blah fucking blah" but no, the DP was massively insensitive and a complete hole for saying that.

And if I were OP there would be no freaking way me DP would be seeing my bottoms half for a long time.

lljkk · 13/01/2018 13:15

Sometimes you either get honesty or nice. Your choice which one matters most. He thinks honesty is better (so do I).

Tinkerbec · 13/01/2018 13:16

I would want an honest answer too. He could have dropped the definitely though.

I know I am not perfect. I would rather the brutal honesty because that’s the truth and no white lie changes that.

I would know it was a white lie too and the fact he would lie to me , even to save my feelings ,would mentally torture me more than worrying that I had blobby thighs.

Maybe I am just weird.