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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Another inheritance one...

138 replies

TW1984 · 10/01/2018 13:40

My aunt died in November - my dad's sister.
She had no children and her husband died around a decade ago. Her only living family are my dad, me and my brother, and our children.
My dad spoke to my Aunt regularly and visited her often. My brother and I visited her when we could, and had her round for Christmas etc in her last years. I wrote to her regularly between visits, and she wrote back - not estranged or strained relationship at all.
Her will has just been read. She has left her house to a couple she met on holiday around 30 years ago, and maintained a friendship with. She has left the money in her bank account (almost quarter of a million ££) to her friends daughter.
She has left my dad, my brother and I one hundred pounds each.

I wasn't expecting anything (much), but am I being unreasonable to feel insulted by what she has left her family, compared to her friends?
I could understand it more if we were distant, but we weren't!
The will was written 15 years ago and has remained unchanged in that time, so I don't think it was anything to do with the friends putting last minute pressure on her...

OP posts:
MyBrilliantDisguise · 10/01/2018 13:45

I can see that would be hurtful. I know people will say on here that you shouldn't expect anything (even from your own parents) but I think a Will is a way of showing who means something to you, and that's why it hurts if you're forgotten or virtually forgotten.

Does she see you and your dad's side of the family as well off? Does the woman she left the money to have a disadvantaged life?

MyBrilliantDisguise · 10/01/2018 13:46

So that Will was written before her husband died? Wouldn't he have inherited anything?

midnightmisssuki · 10/01/2018 13:48

errrrrrr - but its not your money OP. Maybe she maintained an even closer friendship with the people she mentioned in her will.

Original poster
TW1984 · 10/01/2018 13:51

The will was written after her husband's death, so in hindsight, he must have passed 15 years ago...

The family she has left the house to are well off.
My dad is also relatively wealthy now, although wasn't at the time of the will being written. My brother and I are nowhere near wealthy, get by from month to month, but that's it.
Like you say MyBrilliantDisguise, it just feels like we meant nothing to her, which is hurtful.

OP posts:
Original poster
TW1984 · 10/01/2018 13:53

Well aware it wasn't and isn't our money. And yes she maintained a friendship with her friends. But to leave them nearly half a million quid between them, compared to £300 for her family is a bit hurtful, considering the relationship we had.

OP posts:
Unicornfluffycloudsandrainbows · 10/01/2018 13:55

Her money and her choice she could have left it to the dogs home if she wanted to. However it’s not expected to nieces to necessarily inherit a large proportion of a will it normally goes to imitate family members such as husband and children it sounds that they never had kids so left it to friends they felt were the closest to them. She had 15 years to alter it and ever did. It’s bit cheeky to be upset over a 100. Your in someone’s life because you want to be not because of what you might get. I have an auntie who is well off never married. She talks about her will but I rather not discuss it I tell her it’s entiterly up to her what she does with her money and if she wants to go and spent the lot.

Unicornfluffycloudsandrainbows · 10/01/2018 13:57

Your not her children you were her niece and nephew you are never entitled to anything. She could have left the lot to your df and nothing to either of you. But it wasn’t her duty to leave anything to you as I stated you were not her immediate family.

EivissaSenorita · 10/01/2018 13:58

Were the Christmas' you had her/letter you wrote done with one eye on the inheritance ? I don't think being blood related family trumps friendships at all. After all friendships are people we choose to be in our lives rather than an obligation. Perhaps you have no idea what these friends have done for her.

Piffle11 · 10/01/2018 13:58

I understand why you are upset. There's no way of knowing how close the relationship was between her and the couple and her friend's daughter at the time the will was written: and it does happen that wills are not updated and people inherit that perhaps wouldn't have done if the will was written, say, a year ago. The general consensus on here is usually that you shouldn't expect to inherit, even from your own parents ... I don't necessarily agree with that, unless you are estranged or not particularly involved. Sorry you're feeling upset, OP.

loveka · 10/01/2018 14:05

People are so fucking pious! Of course you are upset, it is totally natural.

If she had died without a will it would have gone to her next of kin, so not to you anyway.

Maybe these friends were very close to her, in ways you just don't know. Maybe there is something in the past, and she was reflecting her feelings about that in her will.

My mum had a specification in her will that basically disinherited 3 of her grandchildren. They would have had no idea why. It was because of something their mother said to my mum 30 years before!

MyBrilliantDisguise · 10/01/2018 14:10

Were the Christmas' you had her/letter you wrote done with one eye on the inheritance?

What a nasty thing to say. She was clearly treating her aunt like family; something her aunt has not reciprocated.

Unicornfluffycloudsandrainbows · 10/01/2018 14:12

Im very close auntie I wouldn’t expect to invert a large chuck of her estate period.

ItsNiceItsDifferentItsUnusual · 10/01/2018 14:14

Ouch. Sorry OP. Of course it wasn't your money to expect, but your aunt seems to have been making a very clear point. Do you have any idea what that might have been about?

LaurieFairyCake · 10/01/2018 14:17

I assume she would expect that your dad would leave you and your brother money. I appreciate she didn't know at the time she made the will whether he'd have money to leave you but the fact it wasn't altered suggests she did know he became wealthier.

This left her free to leave her wealth to I assume very close personal friends while leaving you a very small gift to remember her.

I honestly think it's unlikely to be a snub Thanks

littlewoollypervert · 10/01/2018 14:18

Did she perhaps forget to update her will?

15 years ago she might have been very close to this family, and not so much to her own.

She may then have thought "must update that will" now and again over the years, and never got around to it.

Or maybe she did a more recent will with another solicitor, and forgot to destroy the old one (the new one, if done properly, would override the older one).

It may not be deliberate at all.

Viviennemary · 10/01/2018 14:19

I'd be a bit insulted to be left £100 from a fairly reasonably sized estate. In a way it would be better to leave the person nothing rather than a measly amount. I suppose she just left her money to the people she wanted to leave it to. And old people do seem to sometimes get a thing about 'folk that are after their money' whether real or imagined.

UnitedKungdom · 10/01/2018 14:20

Ah, people do weird things. Maybe she did the will in a fit of goodwill towards those people without really thinking and that's how it stayed since.

But yeah, I think it's a bit crap that she left £100 to each family member. What there a bit of a row or bad feeling possibly at the time 15 yrs ago?

I bet it was something small and she did her will based on her mood that day.

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 10/01/2018 14:20

If she had died without a will it would have gone to her next of kin, so not to you anyway.

If she had died without a will based on what the OP says everything would have gone to OP's Dad as the aunt's closest surviving relative, i.e. her brother, and if he had predeceased her to his children, i.e. OP and her brother. So yes, they would have been in line to inherit if there had been no will.

I'm amazed at all the people saying you had no right to expect anything. Of course you didn't. But this is a real slap in the face. No chance now to find out why she did this and never changed her mind. If she had talked about these friends all the time, seen them/talked to them every day, maybe it wouldn't have been such a surprise. But I don't get the impression from the OP that this was the case.

How very odd.

Figrollsnotfatrolls · 10/01/2018 14:21

When my aunt died, my dm sister, she had been the most influential /closest relative I had ever had. She left me 10 K which astounded me tbh, several thousand each to my dc. To her carer (MS) she left a 300k house and all the family heirlooms she had aquired from my dgm+dggm (that aunt hadn't got round to sorting out for me as dgm had requested verbally to her before she died a few years - both confirmed this)At the funeral the carer refused to acknowledge I was even there!! She kept the lot.

ShatnersWig · 10/01/2018 14:22

Unicorn said But it wasn’t her duty to leave anything to you as I stated you were not her immediate family.

What's that got to do with price of fish?? That applies absolutely as equally to her friends that she's left the house to, and the friends' daughter, who she's left quarter of a million to!

Yes, it is totally up to everyone who they leave their possessions to. I think it is unreasonable to expect anything but I think it's perfectly reasonable at the same time to feel upset to have been almost totally cut out and for non-relatives to be given pretty much everything. I suspect had it all gone to charity, the OP might be less upset. It's the feeling that these people - and perhaps more oddly, their daughter - were seen as more important than her aunt's actual family.

Twoo · 10/01/2018 14:22

I understand your anguish OP.

I would look for a letter of wishes that the deceased might have left. These letters are intended to under pin written wills. They explain why Whom gets what and usually why they intend for some to get nothing or very little.

Blobby10 · 10/01/2018 14:23

Ouch that seems harsh! However, elderly people sometimes have what seems to be a strange slant when bestowing gifts - my grandmother regularly gave my brother and two male cousins more money for their birthdays than her granddaughters. When her will was made out, she gave the same sum of money to her accountant as to her grandchildren. She also bequested (sp?) a considerable sum to a couple that she hadn't seen for 15 years but who had, at that time when her husband had just died, been very good friends to her for a couple of years.

My grandmother updated her will every two years without fail, adding and removing people who she currently liked or disliked!! It was quite funny sometimes - loved her to bits!!

WhatIWant · 10/01/2018 14:26

I don't think it's necessarily a snub either. I expect she was just thinking you would be all sorted from your parents. She also may not have had a clue that she would have ended up leaving quite such a large amount.

Close friends can certainly be more important to people than actual family. That's not dismissing the relationship you all had with her though.

I do think it was thoughtless of her though. I know it's was completely up to her what she would do with the money but it would have been kinder to let you know her intentions.

KatharinaRosalie · 10/01/2018 14:27

I have a wealthy aunt. I don't expect her to leave me anything, but I would be Hmm if she specifically made the effort to leave me 100 pounds. I mean why?

LyraPotter · 10/01/2018 14:32

Lots of mean comments here about entitlement but that isn't really what OP is saying. She doesn't think she's entitled to any money - she's asking if it's unreasonable to feel her by the decision of her aunt.

Honestly I don't think YABU. While it was totally up to your aunt how she disposed of her estate, I totally understand why you are upset not to have been more thought of. It doesn't seem like an especially fair or kind decision on your aunt's part.