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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Another inheritance one...

138 replies

TW1984 · 10/01/2018 13:40

My aunt died in November - my dad's sister.
She had no children and her husband died around a decade ago. Her only living family are my dad, me and my brother, and our children.
My dad spoke to my Aunt regularly and visited her often. My brother and I visited her when we could, and had her round for Christmas etc in her last years. I wrote to her regularly between visits, and she wrote back - not estranged or strained relationship at all.
Her will has just been read. She has left her house to a couple she met on holiday around 30 years ago, and maintained a friendship with. She has left the money in her bank account (almost quarter of a million ££) to her friends daughter.
She has left my dad, my brother and I one hundred pounds each.

I wasn't expecting anything (much), but am I being unreasonable to feel insulted by what she has left her family, compared to her friends?
I could understand it more if we were distant, but we weren't!
The will was written 15 years ago and has remained unchanged in that time, so I don't think it was anything to do with the friends putting last minute pressure on her...

OP posts:
Giggorata · 10/01/2018 14:35

This^
Why not just leave someone out of a will altogether, rather than leave a frankly derisory sum?
I speak as someone whose parent left me £1,000 out of an estate worth a million or so. I didn't realise how much more my brother meant....
Those of you who would say I should have been pleased to get anything are not really getting it, I think..

yorkshireyummymummy · 10/01/2018 14:35

Are you absolutely sure this is her last will?
Who held it.....her bank? Solicitor? Your dad? Or this family??
Was it drawn up by a solicitor?
Who witnessed it?

I would be upset too if I were close to her and we were ( which you were) her closest family. But I would most certainly be checking that every thing was kosher.

Original poster
TW1984 · 10/01/2018 14:37

Some interesting viewpoints here. In no way did I ever have 'an eye on her money'. I wasn't expecting anything really, and had no idea how much money she had until her will has been read, because it isn't my money or my business.

My aunt was in a care home for the last 3 years of her life. I live 250 miles away but visited every 2-3 months - because she was my aunt, not because I thought I would get my hands on her money when she died. My brother lived 5 miles down the road from her, and would see her more regularly than me, and take her to his house when she was able to manage the trip out.

I expected my dad to be left A bit more from his sister, despite his subsequent wealth in later years. She had no idea 15 years ago that he would come into money, so couldn't have accounted for that in her will.

The friends daughter was never spoken about, so I'm unsure what connection she had to my Aunt. I know for sure that she never once visited my aunt in the three years she was in the care home, due to the visitors register.

To clarify, I never expected anything personally, and at risk of sounding rude and ungrateful, I'd rather have been left nothing. At least then I wouldn't feel that a value had been placed on our relationship...

OP posts:
Whatthefoxgoingon · 10/01/2018 14:40

Unless you were going through the perfunctory motions of being a good relative to her with the visits, Christmas etc with one eye on the prize, then I think you aren’t being unreasonable at all. It really is quite hurtful that she thought of her friends being much more deserving of the money than you Flowers

Only on mumsnet do people think leaving their £10 million estate to the neighbour’s second cousin’s boyfriend instead of the daughter who has given them bed baths for a decade, perfectly reasonable. Yes people should not have expectations of inheriting vast amounts but if you have a good relationship with someone you can rightly be hurt that they didn’t think of you in their will.

Shen0102 · 10/01/2018 14:40

If you was to write a will whilst she was still alive how much would you live her ?

She probably had other reasons in mind. Some people might look wealthy but they might be neck up in debts.

StaplesCorner · 10/01/2018 14:41

When the will was read, did your dad ask the solicitor what would be involved in contesting it? I reckon your Aunt was great pals with them for a time, and then she simply didn't change her will to reflect the situation as it was when she died. Maybe the "shares" would have been more equitable. But that's just a hunch.

When my aunt died her neighbour inherited the house. I was the only relative who visited her, but the neighbour was her carer and companion for 10 years, in there 24/7 and doing everything for her. We acknowledged that we could not have done what the neighbour did, and she had really cared for her, so we let it go (mind you she did her utmost to keep us away from our Aunt but she didn't succeed - we knew what she was up to but it was almost like a benign conspiracy). However, if these friends rarely saw her and did nothing for her then that's pretty miserable.

RockinRobinTweets · 10/01/2018 14:42

I think it's odd. I don't know anything about wills, can you contest it? It's probably less painful just let it be though, I suppose.

It's an awful lot of money to leave to friends but she must have valued them at the time.

Whatthefoxgoingon · 10/01/2018 14:43

Crossposted with you OP. That’s very unusual that the friend’s daughter who never visited received so much. There may be something going on there you may be unaware of. Confused

Mummyoflittledragon · 10/01/2018 14:43

Her house could have been worth less than half the amount it is now depending on whereabouts it is in the country. £100 wasn’t a great deal of money then. I can see why this is very hurtful. It would make me feel like an after thought or snub. Like when someone gives the waiting staff a 5p tip in a restaurant or something.

MonumentalAlabaster · 10/01/2018 14:46

There may have been aspects of your aunt's relationship with the friends to whom she left the money that you know nothing about. They may have rendered her some service or supported her through difficult times for which she was profoundly grateful - who knows? It is entirely your aunt's private business.

Bowerbird5 · 10/01/2018 14:48

You probably could contest it. It won't mean you get it all but you would likely get a larger amount than a pilfer you £100.
I can understand you feeling upset. It isn't so much the amount but the fact you were her niece and you did visit and keep in contact.if you were NC I could understand. Just a thought but look at the date the will was written and compare to date of her husband's death it might be around the time and she may not have been thinking clearly.💐

squeaver · 10/01/2018 14:48

I too think you're getting some unnecessary stick here, OP, and you are entitled to be hurt.

This is a good lesson in making sure your will is up-to-date. I'm inclined to think she just never got round to updating it.

Are you curious about the beneficiaries? Especially the daughter? Imagine getting that call out of the blue!

epicclusterfuck · 10/01/2018 14:53

Isn't there something about specifically leaving a small sum to family if there is any concern about them contesting a will? To show that the intention was to leave the money as set out in the will rather than someone being overlooked.

TheDizzyRascal · 10/01/2018 14:56

Ooooh how odd, particularly the "friends daughter" part - is it the daughter of the couple that she left the house to? Or a different friend altogether? You must be feeling very hurt and puzzled, made worse that you will likely never get an answer or an explanation as to why she did this, what does your dad say? Feel for you OP xx

Itscurtainsforyou · 10/01/2018 14:58

I understand why you're a bit hurt OP.

From the opposite side, when my favourite uncle died he specified that (if he and his wife died at the same time) a property would be split between me and my siblings. It's now years later and my aunt (his widow) is well within her rights to have changed the will, I really don't mind if she does/has, but the most important thing is that my uncle thought enough of us to include us that way.

My advice is to take the £100, buy something nice that will remind you of her and move on.

maddnessintheroost · 10/01/2018 14:58

She may have wanted to leave something more to you but never got around to it - very common. She may also have been happy with giving you a token thanks but have considered you to have enough cash. I would let it go - you dont have a right to make a claim against the estate unless you are a dependant (in these circumstances) and the greed will just eat you up.

needmorespace · 10/01/2018 14:59

isn't the idea of leaving a nominal amount to someone to mitigate agains them contesting the will? I thought that if you had been left something (however small) it meant that the intention was meant rather than you had been forgotten about and could thus reduce the potential of having the will overturned.

needmorespace · 10/01/2018 15:01

sorry, just seen that epic wrote the same thing - more eloquently!

LineysRunt · 10/01/2018 15:02

You could contest it and aim for an out-of-court settlement. That's a ridiculous will if you had a good relationship with your aunt, and your family had her round for Christmases etc.

But I suspect that wouldn't make you feel great either.

Zaphodsotherhead · 10/01/2018 15:15

I think people sometimes leave a paltrey sum (say your £100, OP) so that you can buy yourself something to remind you of deceased rellie. She must have thought you didn't need the money, so just left you the token.

I'd be a bit naffed off as well.

ElenaBothari · 10/01/2018 15:15

I understand why you feel hurt, and it’s a shame your aunt didn’t explain her thinking so you can understand her reasons.

From family experience, there may be something there that you just don’t know about.

We had a great aunt who named people we thought were just neighbours as her power of attorney when she started to develop Alzheimer’s. We were all surprised and checked with them they were happy to take this on. Turns out theyd been in a threesome for 30 years, which we only worked out once the Alzheimer’s progressed and she forgot to keep it a secret.

Now obv I’m not saying that’s the case here, but try to see it as your aunt was closer to these friends than you knew, rather than thinking she was less close to you than you thought.

LemonysSnicket · 10/01/2018 15:23

I would be very hurt and insulted frankly.
You give some to friends if you want to but the majority should surely go to your children.

LemonysSnicket · 10/01/2018 15:25

Sorry just seen it’s her nephew - but still to family unless estranged.

And everyone saying ‘you shouldn’t expect anything’ ... no but culturally, it is expected. And people know that it’s an insult to be written out of a will, its incredibly hurtful, akin to disowning someone.

pinkdelight · 10/01/2018 16:03

Who knows what her relationship with that couple and their daughter was really like? They could have meant the world to her. Clearly they meant a great deal and she wanted them to have whatever she left. The £100 for you needn't be derisory. She could have just wanted to include you rather than leave you out entirely.

Doubletrouble99 · 10/01/2018 16:05

Sorry Lemony - who's nephew?

I would be upset as it seems like a snub to me. To leave her house to someone who has money seems odd also the friend's daughter!
Especially as she must have been aware you were not well off yourselves but had always cared for her and taken time for her.

We had a family friend who never married and was quite will off. She never understood what her house or anything else was worth and left everything to the local cat's home! It was said locally that the cats would live in luxury for the next 200 years on what she left them.
Maybe her husband had dealt with all the finances and she had no idea what she would be leaving.