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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Another inheritance one...

138 replies

TW1984 · 10/01/2018 13:40

My aunt died in November - my dad's sister.
She had no children and her husband died around a decade ago. Her only living family are my dad, me and my brother, and our children.
My dad spoke to my Aunt regularly and visited her often. My brother and I visited her when we could, and had her round for Christmas etc in her last years. I wrote to her regularly between visits, and she wrote back - not estranged or strained relationship at all.
Her will has just been read. She has left her house to a couple she met on holiday around 30 years ago, and maintained a friendship with. She has left the money in her bank account (almost quarter of a million ££) to her friends daughter.
She has left my dad, my brother and I one hundred pounds each.

I wasn't expecting anything (much), but am I being unreasonable to feel insulted by what she has left her family, compared to her friends?
I could understand it more if we were distant, but we weren't!
The will was written 15 years ago and has remained unchanged in that time, so I don't think it was anything to do with the friends putting last minute pressure on her...

OP posts:
Allthebestnamesareused · 10/01/2018 17:59

If OP lives 250 miles away it is possible that she has no idea what relationship she has with the friends. They could be very close, have been there for her throughout that time and so on. Perhaps she is their daughter's godmother etc

There is no apparent reason for you to contest the Will as you were not being maintained by your aunt.

What was her relationship like with your Dad?

ShatnersWig · 10/01/2018 18:30

Allthebest One would have hoped that if this daughter was the aunt's godmother (which is a big leap), she'd have visited her in the care home at least once in three years. Doesn't sound a close relationship to me

Original poster
TW1984 · 10/01/2018 18:44

Lots of posts since i last looked. Eivissa is just being a dick, and I’m fed up with trying to explain to them that i never wanted anything, but i just feel that a token £100 is like she wanted to include us in her will, but put the lowest value on our relationships. Being left nothing would not have made me feel upset like this. I thought we had a good relationship.
I moved 250 miles away in recent years. Before then, i lived closer and visited more often.
The daughter is just a daughter of some friends she made. They all live around 120 miles from where my aunt lived - the friends would come and visit my aunt other month and take her out for dinner. The daughter never joined them. She is around my age - late 40's? I don't know much about her if I'm honest, but I never heard my aunt mention her.

I guess the general consensus is that I'm not BU, so thanks for the

OP posts:
Original poster
TW1984 · 10/01/2018 18:45

Ooops.

Thanks for the comments everyone.

... except Eivissa.

OP posts:
MonumentalAlabaster · 10/01/2018 18:48

Do you think it's possible the daughter might have a disability or some sort of life-limiting condition and your aunt's bequest might have been to help with that? You say you don't know much about her?

EivissaSenorita · 10/01/2018 18:49

Name calling someone with a difference of opinion, nice.

Oblomov18 · 10/01/2018 18:49

I understand the upset. The £100 is a small amount. If the other relationships aren't as strong - ie if she didn't see the holiday couple as much in recent years, I might contest the will.

EivissaSenorita · 10/01/2018 18:50

Maybe try not to equate your relationships in life to a monetary value folks.

LineysRunt · 10/01/2018 18:51

Eivissa is just being a dick Grin

Nice to see such a short and sweet dismissal of the weird new breed of AIBU poster.

ShatnersWig · 10/01/2018 18:52

The OP wasn't name calling. She was stating a fact. That the vast majority of the thread would testify to.

EivissaSenorita · 10/01/2018 18:55

I have visited my grannie twice a week for 10 years and done her food shop how much should I expect ?

Bellamuerte · 10/01/2018 18:57

I'd be looking for any evidence that the friend's daughter had coerced your aunt to leave the £ to her, or contesting on the grounds that you were led to believe that you would inherit but the will was outdated as your aunt hasn't seen these people in 30 years. I would certainly engage a solicitor and explore the issue as it's a lot of money!

Crumbs1 · 10/01/2018 18:57

You might feel upset but it was clearly your aunt’s wish. You just have to accept that and move on. Dwelling on it will make you bitter and unhappy.

EivissaSenorita · 10/01/2018 18:58

At last a bit of sense @Crumbs1

babigailwabble · 10/01/2018 19:03

you can be upset all you like but it's not going to achieve anything is it. it's tough shit so don't make your own poison and then drink it too.

EivissaSenorita · 10/01/2018 19:05

@babigailwabble correct

Original poster
TW1984 · 10/01/2018 19:10

I've accepted it, nothing I can do about it and wouldn't even if I could... The will details my aunt's final wishes and I respect that. Doesn't mean I can't be a little hurt by the contents, without still being a good person and loving my Aunt.

Eivissa, it's not your difference of opinion that makes you a dick. Plenty of others expressed similar views to you, just not in such a rude, deliberately provocative way. I'm still grieving the loss of someone I cared very much about, so have a tiny shred of decency please and just shut up.

OP posts:
EivissaSenorita · 10/01/2018 19:10

Yes your grief came across loud and clear on your posts Hmm

Original poster
TW1984 · 10/01/2018 19:16

You're just proving my point further Wink

OP posts:
Aquiver · 10/01/2018 19:20

No, @TW1984 - you do not come across as grieving for a person in the slightest - just grieving for an inheritance you feel you were entitled to...

KERALA1 · 10/01/2018 19:21

Yanbu op would feel the same, particularly if some of the money could in theory be attributable to your grandparents.

Legally unless there was doubt as to her capacity or she was unduly influenced there's little you can do. Self supporting adult niece who wasn't being supported by the deceased not in the category of those who may make a successful claim. It's hard enough for adult children to challenge. Plus if you did and lost you could get stuck for costs.

makingmiracles · 10/01/2018 19:29

Yanbu, I would feel pretty hurt too.
The older generation can be strange about their ideas of where they want their wealth to go after death.
My great aunt died and left her 5 nieces and nephews 6k each and their children £100 each...,the rest of the over a million estate went to British heart foundation...neither her husband or herself had any heart problems or any family that did Confused I can understand making charity donations in a will but making token payments to your family is a bit of a kick in the teeth(all had good relationships, all regularly visited etc) I think you have a right to feel a bit snubbed.
I’d also second maybe asking your dad to ask solicitor about contesting it, especially if it was never updated in 15yrs and the person inheriting the house has never once visited during the time she’s been in residential care, seems odd.

Gingernaut · 10/01/2018 19:33

It's hard when you see something that might ordinarily go your way, just slip past you.

A friend of mine had a similar experience when will researchers tracked her down to tell her that a distant aunt by marriage had died.

This reclusive woman had left no will and my friend and her brother were the living nearest relatives.

However, my friend and her brother were adopted.

Now that makes little difference, but the lady died before 1976.

That's when the legislation changed to give adopted children the same rights as biological relatives.

As my friend and her brother were not blood relations, they were denied a part of a huge, life changing sum of money which went to the state in the end.

If the old biddy had just hung on until 1977, my friend wouldn't have had to stay in an industry which effectively crippled her with chronic back problems.

Anyway, back to your troubles........YANBU, but as the lady was of sound mind when she wrote the will, you have no right to the money.

The £100 tends to be a gesture to people who would ordinarily be expecting an inheritance.

A reason for effectively cutting someone out of the will is usually written into the will or included with the will as a letter to be sent to the beneficiary by the executor. Clearly that wasn't done.

Sorry. ☹

EivissaSenorita · 10/01/2018 19:33

@Aquiver the entitled on this thread just don't see it

Turquoisetamborine · 10/01/2018 19:38

Could the friend’s daughter have been a secret pregnancy of your aunt’s?