Another inheritance one...

[TW1984]

My aunt died in November - my dad's sister.
She had no children and her husband died around a decade ago. Her only living family are my dad, me and my brother, and our children.
My dad spoke to my Aunt regularly and visited her often. My brother and I visited her when we could, and had her round for Christmas etc in her last years. I wrote to her regularly between visits, and she wrote back - not estranged or strained relationship at all.
Her will has just been read. She has left her house to a couple she met on holiday around 30 years ago, and maintained a friendship with. She has left the money in her bank account (almost quarter of a million ££) to her friends daughter.
She has left my dad, my brother and I one hundred pounds each.

I wasn't expecting anything (much), but am I being unreasonable to feel insulted by what she has left her family, compared to her friends?
I could understand it more if we were distant, but we weren't!
The will was written 15 years ago and has remained unchanged in that time, so I don't think it was anything to do with the friends putting last minute pressure on her...

We had a family friend of in laws we always called Auntie, looked after her after her husband died for another 30 years. She did have family about 100 miles away who turned up the first time she had cancer. When she died had left a large sum to her cleaner a token amount to us. The rest to a charity, which was a huge sum. We were the executors and I have to say the charity hounded us weekly to sell up the house and contents asap. This in a recession. The relatives felt very aggrieved at the time. It was awkward but you have to respect someones wishes unless you feel the will was made under duress or the person was not fit to make that decision. Not something I would take on.

Or the friends have been really helpful around the time of her husband's illness and death?

Contact with people in stressful circumstances can cause a feeling of obligation.

I don't read the OP's posts as entitled at all. All over the world, except in Communist countries, it is normal to expect to inherit from your family. In many countries it is not possible to disinherit them. There is nothing grasping about expecting to inherit from a close relative who owns their own home and has some savings. It's just how things are.

It would be grasping to try to get an unfair advantage over other possible beneficiaries, or to long for the relative to die so you can get hold of the money. Few people (fortunately) are like that, and I get no sense at all that the OP was.

One person has mentioned a relative whose neighbour got most of the estate, but was clearly a very close friend of the deceased and did a lot of personal care for her in her final years. Another person has mentioned a relative who made a decision to leave the bulk of her estate to a reputable charity. Some very wealthy people leave enough to generate a substantial inheritance tax liability, or it turns out that there are substantial debts that have to be repaid out of the estate.

In all those cases, there is an obvious reason why a relative is not going to get much in the way of inheritance. In the OP's case there is no obvious reason at all. It's been a shock. I'd go so far as to say it's akin to a case where a second family turns up at the funeral or something else is found out after a death that makes the family look at the deceased in a totally different light. This is a normal grief reaction, made a lot worse by the fact that it's impossible to talk to the deceased and ask why they did what they did.

TurquoiseTambourine I wondered the exact same thing.
Do you think we've watched too many movies?!

I can absolutely understand your confusion op. You're suddenly reevaluating the relationship, wondering if you unknowingly upset them at some point, or they didn't particularly care for you, or some other reason.

It is typical to leave a significant chunk of your estate to family, obviously the aunt is welcome to make her own choices, but in the absence of any obvious reason it is understandable that the op is wondering what the "why" was, and whether her aunt viewed the op less positively than op thought.

When my gran died she left her estate to her daughters, my mother is no longer with us so that money went to y dad,as I assume that she originally had it left to them jointly. Dad has put it into a trust fund including an amount from my mum's estat.She also left a small bequest,not sure how much, for my cousin who looked after her at home

gasp said it perfectly

The £100 will have been a token amount so you cannot contest the will . Farming families do it regularly otherwise anyone not specifically named can have grounds to contest .

Yanbu
Can you contest the will?

Years ago I did a short course on genealogy and the topic of Wills was covered. We were told that it was well known for people with wealth to leave the sum of £100 to those family members that they did not want to inherit the bulk of their estate. The theory being that it was therefore more difficult to contest the Will because the £100 showed you had been considered in the division of the estate and could not claim you had not been thought of or that the deceased was insane at the time of making the Will.

I realise this is not helpful but it could have some footing in explaining why the Will has left you and others this amount, but of course you won’t know why and it is not unreasonable to feel somewhat hurt.

Raffles I thinking that's really sad you have put the money away for me your dc when I assume they will inherit from the you anyway! If it's painful for you, your dh, why not invest some and turn some into amazing memories for your family like a wonderful amazing holiday!! Maybe you can already afford too but money with bad blood... Turn into something positive. The memories and experiences your dc could have with and of you via the cash would be so much nicer than another bunch of money in your estate when you both pass on.

I didn't know that leaving somebody a small amount was to stop them contesting the will. Sounds like that's what has happened in this case. It does explain why the aunt has done this.

I wasn't thinking secret daughter of aunt, but perhaps goddaughter or if they'd had a blessing ceremony of some sort when the friend's daughter was born and your aunt played a role, perhaps that might explain leaving the money to her. I know other older child-less people who have left money to godchildren rather than DNs.

Speak to a solicitor re contesting the will.

Anyone can contest a will but it is very expensive to do and rarely successful if the will was made properly by a solicitor- signed and witnessed.
As a niece you would have no grounds to contest the will - you were not financially dependant on her and the will has been in place for 15yrs so not recently changed to disinherit you.
We have just been through something similar where DH's grandma left everything to him and SIL and not her two other grandchildren- who she left nothing. His couisns were very upset but legal advice was they had no chance of a successful challenge - will properly made and witnessed with reasons for her decision. In sound mind. Her money so her choice. No one dependant on her.
Money is very divisive. It seems hard for her to do as she did but perhaps her friendship with this couple was much closer than you realised and they had helped her in the past. She must have been very close to even have contemplated doing this.
Perhaps she intended to revisit her will and never got round to it. Are you sure it was her final will?

Op just to add to the chorus I also don't feel you have come across at grasping of course you will feel upset. I can only think she had reasons and perhaps didn't update her will. It is one of the strangest legal documents people do and don't do.

I wonder if she felt bitter when her husband died when this will was made and this other family really supported her?

@LuluJakey1, it was of course open to your husband and his sister to agree a variation of the will so that their cousins would get something. Was there a reason why they didn't consider that?

My aunt left money to my children and not to me and my cousin was very embarrassed , all we could think of was that she just thought the money would be more useful to them .

But yes I can understand why you are hurt . Why don’t people just say why they have done what they have , it would save a lot of hassle .

And I understand it’s not that you expected anything it’s just a bit odd and probably raised some suspicions . I would feel the same .

I can understand why you are upset. I absolutely would be too. You are her closest living relatives and maintained a good relationship with her.
Do you know much about these friends and their daughter? Have you met them?
If I were them, I would feel rather embarrassed that close family ( particularly your father) had been 'passed over'.

Who is the executor? Presumably your dad or you are not expected to wrap up her estate?

Jesus. People are so sanctimonious.

Had I not had kids I would have left my worldly good to my niece and nephew. Because I love them and are close to them.

Had I thought they weren't that bothered by me or I didn't like their life choices...then it could have gone to a friend very easily.

I understand why you are upset. I would be shocked and feel as though maybe she didn't like me very much and I would be hurt.

A relative of mine left his house and estate to a family he met through the church years before. They weren't bothered with him, didn't keep in contact with him. He hadn't seen them for 10 yrs or so but he left it all to them in a very showy "Christian gesture". They turned up to his funeral all sad faces and talk of what a great bloke he was (he wasn't) and how they wished they had seen him more (they knew the nursing home he'd been in and his address before that...) Then they asked when they could have the money. The executor had to break it to them he had been massively in mortgage arrears and declared bankrupt. There was a few grubby personal belongings but no money.
I think their sad faces were a little more genuine at that point!!!

As others have said, by leaving you, your dad and your sibling some small change each, she is sending a message that she didn't want you to inherit, and she clearly didn't want you to be able to contest it ("£100" is a giveaway). She must have had her reasons. Would the solicitor know?

You mentioned that her brother (your dad) "came into" money? Was it from their parents/grandparents? Did they leave your dad the bulk of their estate, with your aunt getting less? If so, she may feel that your dad and his descendents have already inherited plenty.

Maybe these people were particularly helpful and kind when her husband was unwell, and she felt that you three could have done more?

Why not just leave someone out of a will altogether, rather than leave a frankly derisory sum?

Because if you include them with a small amount then they can't contest the will on the basis that they'd been forgotten or left out accidentally.

By including them it shows "I remember X, I know who they are, and I have decided they are not inheriting the bulk of my estate"

Before he died I was advised to leave my father £1 in my will to show that I hadn't missed him out, I just don't want him to have anything.

I would be incredibly hurt to be treated like this if the relationship was as you say.
£100 is a derisory amount - yes there’s no guarantee you’d get or should expect anything HOWEVER by giving a notional £100 to you and hundreds of thousands to on family, she’s made the point (probably advised by the lawyer who created the will) that she needed to give you something to show she’d thought of you or you may have a case to challenge the will. As it is you could challenge if you believe she wasn’t on sound mind or had been pressurised. An old relative of mine recently died and I’m a beneficiary, asa a close relation. However half the estate went to people (very elderly friends of the deceased) who we’d never even heard of or ever met or heard mention of, despite being close to the relative which was bizarre. It does happen. Some people get really odd when they have substantial money to give away.

TW1984 just a thought which wont change the effect but may give you another way to think about your aunt.

Is it possible that the way the money was left was a simple mistake?

Aunt's instructions:
Friends & daughter: £100 each (token 'I thought about you' amount worth a bit more 15 years ago but still token)
Brother: House
OP: Bank acount

Final Will:
Brother & OP: £100 each
Friends: House
Friend's daughter: Bank account

Aunt signs will without checking it (a lot of people are funny about thinking about their own mortality) and forgets about it.

A badly written clause in the will of a friend of the family had the effect of excluding one of his daughters from a fairly sizable estate. Fortunately the other sister knew this would not have been her father's intention so has simply passed on 50% of the inheritance to her sister.