Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Female colleague on business trip

136 replies

JadeFeather · 25/11/2017 09:29

DH left last week for a 2 week business trip abroad. Just found out that his female colleague (that he’s very close to) is joining him today (Saturday) so it would seem that they would be spending the weekend together. He’s now saying she’s leaving tomorrow to go on to the next destination where they have a meeting. Seems a bit odd for her to stop over on a Saturday... if it was a weekday they could have had meetings to attend. DH mentioned previously that his bosses were asking whether it was necessary for her to be at the meeting and he apparently said no. So it seems like the idea for her to go came from either her or from him.
I don’t know if I’m just being paranoid. The reason I’m worried is because I found out that he had previously told her about some personal issues I was having that were impacting on our marriage. I felt that this was a betrayal of my trust and if I ever wanted to discuss anything personal about him with a friend I would check with him first. There have also been various trust issues very early on in our relationship but he keeps reassuring me that he’s matured since then.
AIBU?

OP posts:
AlternativeTentacle · 25/11/2017 09:31

The reason I’m worried is because I found out that he had previously told her about some personal issues I was having that were impacting on our marriage.

Yes probably because he is sleeping with her. You don't join colleagues on foreign business trips at the weekend to talk shop.

Mooncuplanding · 25/11/2017 09:33

Had he described his 'business trip' to you before he went and now you have this information about her going, are there clear omissions? lies

Of course it is suspicious if he has deliberately omitted to tell you she was going.

How did you find out she was going?

IslingtonLou · 25/11/2017 09:38

Does seem like they arranged it to spend time together. Could be an innocent friends meeting up in a new city sort of trip, exploring, sight seeing etc or could be something more.

Original poster
JadeFeather · 25/11/2017 09:40

He mentioned that it had been proposed that she would be at the final destination where they have the meeting and that the managers had questioned if it was necessary. He didn’t mention that she would stop over where he currently is over the weekend. That only got mentioned last night when we were discussing weekend plans.

OP posts:
AnnabellaH · 25/11/2017 09:45

For those saying you don't do that on business trips, yes, you can do.

Do you actually travel for business or are you just assuming it doesn't happen?

We regularly used to get sent to destinations days before we were needed to prep and that included weekends, and yes, with male and female staff. Some only required to be there to help with the prep.

It 100% depends on the business and the help required. Business friends can be just that, friends Hmm

AlternativeTentacle · 25/11/2017 09:47

We regularly used to get sent to

This woman wasn't sent to...even the boss questioned why she was going. Hence you don't choose to spend time with colleagues at the weekend unless you are very close to shagging them.

Original poster
JadeFeather · 25/11/2017 09:48

It’s not a working meeting, it’s a networking dinner so I don’t think there’s much preparation required.

OP posts:
FluffyWhiteTowels · 25/11/2017 09:48

Difficult OP. Sounds like my ex. You can't get any proof. He's telling you she's there so no deceit. She's a colleague and therefore legit to be there

Mine had a very lengthy affair with her. Gaslighted me. EA. everything. I hope it's not the same situation as mine

Original poster
JadeFeather · 25/11/2017 09:50

I also tried to make the excuse that maybe she needed a stopover but the flight from her original destination to where she needs to ultimately go is 6 hours so a stopover isn’t really necessary.

OP posts:
JamesBondsMrs · 25/11/2017 09:50

Are they working over the weekend? If not I would be suspicious too. There is no need for her to be there if they are both going to be at the next destination for meeting together.

FitBitFanClub · 25/11/2017 09:51

Is it long-distance, meaning they might need time to adjust with jet-lag?

Original poster
JadeFeather · 25/11/2017 09:55

No they aren’t working. He has a dinner tonight with a potential client but I’m sure that’s something he’s capabable of doing without her being there.

OP posts:
Council · 25/11/2017 09:56

I does sound very suspicious, but why would he tell you if he was up to no good?

ForalltheSaints · 25/11/2017 09:57

YANBU to be suspicious. Hopefully groundless.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 25/11/2017 09:59

Thing is, OP. He didn't need to tell you any of this. He could have just told you that he's away x, y, z weekend and left it at that.

He's given far too much information and I'm wondering why that is?

Original poster
JadeFeather · 25/11/2017 10:00

Council, I’ve thought that to and I don’t know. Maybe it is all innocent or maybe not and he thought it was smart not to hide the fact that she was coming. I just don’t know.

OP posts:
TheNaze73 · 25/11/2017 10:02

i don’t see anything wrong in this

AlternativeTentacle · 25/11/2017 10:03

He's given far too much information and I'm wondering why that is?

Double bluff. 'But why would I tell you if I was up to no good?'

Original poster
JadeFeather · 25/11/2017 10:06

Yes like FluffyWhiteTowels experience

OP posts:
Zaphodsotherhead · 25/11/2017 10:06

Maybe he told you she was going because he thought someone else might let it slip and it would seem better (more innocent) if it came from him?

What chance is there that you might have found out about her travelling from another source? If it's zero, then he's probably all right. If there's even a 1 per cent chance that someone else might have blabbed, then he could be telling you to cover his own back...

iseenodust · 25/11/2017 10:07

Maybe she wants to network for her career not to pursue your husband ?

SheGotBetteDavisEyes · 25/11/2017 10:09

IF you've never, or rarely have to do international business trips, then it might look a bit dodge. You're bound to get a load of replies saying 'that's what they all say/what my exDH said/etc. But sometimes, people do go early/at a weekend because it fits in with what the family are doing, because you fancy doing a bit of Christmas shopping there, catch up on some work in a quiet (not home!) environment or prefer to do a weekend stopover as that particular airport is a nightmare on a Monday or whatever.

Just don't assume that every woman on a business trip is there to shag your husband.

I've go no idea, OP. None of us have, and I hope it's legit. I'm only posting as an alternative to the cascade of Yes probably because he is sleeping with her that will fill the thread.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 25/11/2017 10:12

Alternative, not really. There are already some trust issues in the relationship or were early on. That level of 'chat' is unnecessary and quite stupid really.

If you plan a double-bluff then you wait for the opening gambit, not blurt it all out without knowing what is being asked for. Doing it the way he's done this has just opened up a lot of holes.

Council · 25/11/2017 10:14

DH went to Japan a few days earlier than he needed to be there for business (I actually don't know who else went but there were others from his company).

It seemed normal to me that he went to see the sights in his own time while the company was paying for the flights - we're unlikely to have a holiday in Japan.

So I guess whether it's "normal" for her to be there for the weekend would depend on how exciting the destination is and her personal circumstances/lifestyle. i.e. if it is a one off chance for her to see the country/do some shopping in a big city.

MsGameandWatching · 25/11/2017 10:14

A married man who made a move on me was the husband of a friend. He would tell her that he was just going to pop round to get something or help me with something - am a single parent or was in my town so might meet me for coffee etc. All in plain sight and all was fine right up till he tried it on. I think it’s quite common actually, so they don’t appear to be sneaky or having anything to hide.