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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

That old chestnut again...

114 replies

Edma · 25/11/2017 09:27

I am pretty sure I read a few threads about this already, but here we are again...
I am from a country where all the presents come from Santa (until the children stop believing around 8/10).
DH is a Brit but has no problem with this aspect of my culture. We live in my country. I am not religious and don't have any other cultural hang up afaik.
Mil cannot accept this and every year tries to make sure the presents are from her. I offered to skip the presents just at Christmas and offer them when we are all together so DS knows and can say thank you. But that's not good either.
I don't get it. DS will be old enough soon so I am keen to keep this little thing going on for an extra couple of years.
Isn't making the children happy the point of it all? Offering is not about displaying your generosity. Is it?

OP posts:
Dahlietta · 25/11/2017 09:31

Firstly, I'm from the UK and all my presents came from Father Christmas, so I'm not entirely sure this is a nationality thing. However, I do now see your MiL's point and our children's presents are a mix - stocking is from Father Christmas and all the rest are from whoever they're from. Yes, it's about making your children happy, but I also think it's good for them to understand that people love them and bought them presents that they hoped would make them happy. It also makes it easier to explain things like money and why they can't have a horse.

LoniceraJaponica · 25/11/2017 09:31

I prefer children to know that presents come from people so that they can thank them. We only did the stocking from Santa.

Can you compromise and say that the present is from MIL but Santa delivered it?

Which country is it?

Leilaniii · 25/11/2017 09:34

I prefer children to know that presents come from people so that they can thank them.

Absolutely agree with this. Teach your kids some manners.

GertrudeBelle · 25/11/2017 09:42

If a parent chooses to give all of their presents from Santa, then that is their decision.

It is ridiculous to re-label presents from others. What happens when they get a present from a school friend? Will you snatch it from your DC and tell them to believe that Santa brought it?

It really isn't conceptually difficult for a child to understand that they may receive presents from their friends and family as well as Santa. I cannot understand the objection. Hmm

You are skipping valuable lessons in expressing gratitude to those who have carefully chosen, paid for and wrapped a gift. Also do you also not involve them in choosing gifts for their family? If so they're being brought up to expect to receive, without saying thank you or reciprocating.

MaidenMotherCrone · 25/11/2017 09:43

Father Christmas brought all the presents ( delivery man) but the labels on the presents said who they were from. Under reading age you read it to them and once they can read they can see for themselves who it's from and can then thank the gift giver.

None of my DCs gifts were actually from Father Christmas himself.

They knew to write a list and it went up the chimney. Father Christmas brought things off the list and sent us the bill. Easy, no shock horror when they worked out Father Christmas wasn't real either.

Original poster
Edma · 25/11/2017 09:50

OK, you Brits feel strongly about this. It is entirely cultural. How would I explain that all the presents come from Santa but one?
I happen to feel really strongly that this is all about the magic of Christmas and Santa for a few innocent years. The value of the present doesn't matter a bit. Every other time of the year, the child can thank people in person and appreciate the generosity.
My children have clearly better manners than you Leilaniii. How dare you.

OP posts:
Original poster
Edma · 25/11/2017 09:52

In fact there is a total disconnect between the 2 traditions. We are not celebrating Christmas in the same spirit clearly.
I understand your tradition. In this case, I think for once, I will keep to my tradition, as they are not compatible.

OP posts:
Iwasjustabouttosaythat · 25/11/2017 09:53

You are being incredibly selfish, OP. MIL wants to show the kids she loves them with a gift. I think you might need to read some MIL threads on here because if that's the worst she does you should be holding onto her like she's gold!

Why can't the kids have presents from Santa and one from MIL? How is it spoiling anything if you tell them she wanted to throw something extra on Santa's pile because she's thinking of them and missing them?

I find it hard to believe this is even real. "DIL complains that MIL is too nice to kids at Christmas." Excuse me while I go smack my head against a wall.

Original poster
Edma · 25/11/2017 09:56

She is amazing and I love her. There is just a culture clash on this one event. No need to be so melodramatic...

OP posts:
BastardGoDarkly · 25/11/2017 09:57

It seems like you're not going to listen to any point but your own, but anyway, I'm with your MIL.

Keepingupwiththejonesys · 25/11/2017 09:57

You're being ridiculous. All the presents from you and your dh can be from father Christmas (we do this too) but the presents from other people are from them. Yabu without a doubt. Its easy to explain...father Christmas has brought your kids those presents... This one is from your gran as she thought it would be nice to get you a gift for.Christmas

Jayfee · 25/11/2017 09:59

No Edma, different families different ways of doing it. I told my dc that we bought the gifts and Santa looked after them and delivered them. So the year I missed the must have toy, it was my fault not my child's behaviour or santa not liking him as mch as his best friend who did get Buzz Lightyear!

VladmirsPoutine · 25/11/2017 09:59

It is not a difficult concept for a child to understand that Santa can bring gifts as can friends and family members.
As far as batshit MiL complaints go this thread is the winner by miles.

Original poster
Edma · 25/11/2017 09:59

No. See, I understand your tradition and the thread was helpful for me to realise that we are not viewing this in the same way at all. I will speak with her more and see what else we can do.
It seems that no one is prepared to understand my tradition. Nevermind.

OP posts:
DownstairsMixUp · 25/11/2017 09:59

What the fuck? So it's your way or the high way basically ? You sound completely weird and unreasonable. It's fine you want all your presents from Santa but don't force it on others. Why is it hard to say to your kids Father Christmas bought these but nanny also wanted to get you a present as she loves you very much? Stop being so precious!

Jayfee · 25/11/2017 10:00

Oh and his aunts and grandparents bought some too. I

Caulk · 25/11/2017 10:00

What happens when the child stops believing in Father Christmas? Do the grandparents suddenly start giving them gifts? That feels confusing as surely a 10yr old would wonder why they had missed out on grandparent presents for ten years.

Original poster
Edma · 25/11/2017 10:01

Because in my country ALL PRESENTS come from Santa.
Gosh how ethnocentric!!

OP posts:
WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 25/11/2017 10:02

YABVU. If you want to pretend the presents you buy your kid are from Father Christmas, that's fine.

However, you don't get to dictate how other people want to give their own gifts.

So if MIL wants your kid to know the present is from her, that's fine and you have to accept that (and not be selfish and inconsiderate as you are being).

Caulk · 25/11/2017 10:03

Because in my country ALL PRESENTS come from Santa.
Gosh how ethnocentric!!

Until what age?

Ameliablue · 25/11/2017 10:04

I don't really see why it is such an issue. How hard is it too say that grandma wanted to send a present too. It doesn't change the magic of Christmas at all.

WhooooAmI24601 · 25/11/2017 10:04

It seems that no one is prepared to understand my tradition. Nevermind

You don't want to work with your MIL's tradition but you want her to bend to yours?

Our DCs have presents from Santa and presents from friends/family. They've never once questioned that they have to thank the individuals for their gifts, nor has it ever lessened their belief or love of Christmas. If a person loves my DC enough to buy them gifts, my DC can be thankful enough to acknowledge them and show some gratitude. It's not about the giver, but a 'thank you' never hurt anyone.

SparkyFire · 25/11/2017 10:05

You're being unreasonable. If I was going to spend X on a gift, to be honest, I'd like them to know it came from me as well.

BarbaraOcumbungles · 25/11/2017 10:07

Why wouldn’t you just tell your child that in England children get presents from Father Christmas and from relatives.

I think you’re making a mountain out of a moles hill.

It isn’t just your culture that matters.

Council · 25/11/2017 10:07

I don't get this either. How can you insist anyone hands over something to add to your Santa pile?

Grandma's presents should come from her, but I agree a good compromise, especially if you don't see her when Santa comes, would be for her to deliver them personally when DC see her.