That old chestnut again...

[Edma]

I am pretty sure I read a few threads about this already, but here we are again...
I am from a country where all the presents come from Santa (until the children stop believing around 8/10).
DH is a Brit but has no problem with this aspect of my culture. We live in my country. I am not religious and don't have any other cultural hang up afaik.
Mil cannot accept this and every year tries to make sure the presents are from her. I offered to skip the presents just at Christmas and offer them when we are all together so DS knows and can say thank you. But that's not good either.
I don't get it. DS will be old enough soon so I am keen to keep this little thing going on for an extra couple of years.
Isn't making the children happy the point of it all? Offering is not about displaying your generosity. Is it?

[Fluffypinkpyjamas]

My children have clearly better manners than you Leilaniii. How dare you



Ah you’re one of those posters OP

Weird and controlling and rude to PP.

[kungfupannda]

This is very one-sided, and not remotely a cultural issue - families all over the UK do things in all sorts of different ways. There are plenty of ways to deal with this and end up with a happy and harmonious family Christmas. Present giving is supposed to be fun, and there is no reason why traditions should be set in stone.

We did a mix of Santa and family gifts when I was young, and I don't ever remember questioning it. That's what we've done with our children, and none of them have ever sat down looking flummoxed and said 'But why oh why are some gifts from Santa and some from Great Aunt Edna? This has created an unresolvable dichotomy in my developing psyche.'

You can dig your heels in and insist on having everything your way, or you can find a compromise - or just crack on and let the kids roll with it - and have a nice Christmas with family getting on. I know which I would choose.

[Stompythedinosaur]

Can you not explain that mil comes from a country where families give presents and then give her present in a separate fashion i.e. not under the christmas tree?

[SandunesAndRainclouds]

I can't see the problem with sticking to your tradition that all presents come from Santa, but saying 'Granny sent you one too, how lucky are you to get something extra?!'

[Jux]

France??? Boggle! I’m astonished.

My family are a hugely Catholic French lot! I had never known that only FC brought the presents over there. Never come across it, either when staying with French relatives over Christmas in France, or with French/English relatives here in UK, with French relatives staying with us in UK. And until my generation, all of them were born and bred in France, so there should have been a whiff of it. There wasn’t.

[LoniceraJaponica]

Thank you pax

[Acopyofacopy]

I think I come from a country where Father Christmas traditionally brings all the presents. That’s what happens at home on Christmas Eve. On Christmas Day or over the Christmas period people get together and exchange more presents that Father Christmas left at their house for them to give out.

Sounds a bit bonkers, but I never questioned this as a child. The giver then was Auntie X and she got a thank you for bringing the present.

Compromise?

[paxillin]

It's France, @LoniceraJaponica.

[ilovesooty]

I'm with previous posters who think you should accept the gifts from your mil graciously and encourage your children to have the good manners to do the same.

It isn't all about you and what you want.

[LoniceraJaponica]

I have reread this thread and cannot find which country it is the OP is referring to.

Which country is it?

[PerfumeIsAMessage]

I lived in, and have several family members from, the country the OP is on about.

She is the first person from that country I've ever known to insist on this.

If anything, the whole presents from Santa shebang is a far more Anglo-Saxon thing.

When dd was little all our presents to her were signed "from Santa" whilst the presents other people were kind enough to buy her were from that person, who had, of course, sent them to Santa for delivery.

[GertrudeBelle]

OP's kids are 11, 8 and 6.

The 11 year old in particular is past the age of Santa and perfectly capable of understanding that her grandma wanted to buy her a gift. And to say thank you.

I suspect she also thinks her mother is being ridiculous.

[Ellisandra]

"Hey MiniEdma - you know grandma is from the UK? In her country, sometimes families like to give presents to each. Yeah - as well as the ones from Santa! Weird huh? But kind. Anyway, she wants to send you a present. Isn't that lovely of her?"

There you go.
I solved your problem for you.

Oh wait - your problem was actually a totally inflexible pointlessly fixed attitude? Sorry, can help with that

[FeistyColl]

If you've read other threads you will know that there is no 'standard' approach in the UK. Your approach is followed by some in this country too.

What I don't understand OP is how the rest of your Christmas works? Do only young children receive presents? Do you not exchange presents with your DH and family members? If people give eachother presents, then what is it that your MIL is spoiling?

[Loubymoo27]

Why come on here to ask opinions then be rude about the responses. You're clearly not going to change you're mind or way of doing things!! My daughter gets stocking from Santa and then she knows who all other presents are from. I totally agree with other posters that it teaches manners. She writes and thanks people for her gifts.
I hate when people make all gifts from Santa!

People have put thought and love into the gifts and I think it's unfair for Santa to get all the credit!!

Each to their own though!!!!

[paxillin]

Ethnocentric? I think you are Edmacentric and anything not done to your exact instructions is wrong. You live in your country of origin, if anything you should ensure to do lots of British things.

My family is mixed, like yours. If traditions differ, the minority culture (the one we do not live in) gets the final vote. Most of the time we do both, never had children complain about an extra holiday we celebrate or extra presents.

[Jayfee]

Think op has given up. Surely Christmas is about sharing..and that often means compromise.

[ThroughThickAndThin01]

Santa is a selfish twat who wants to hog all the credit for everything . And after doing so very little.

[Jux]

A friend of dd’s is Finnish. I remember his parents telling me it was their turn to do the delivering of the presents one year. So, even though (according to another thread here) Finland doesn’t actually exist, it does have its own traditions.

OP, if you were living in the UK, would you still follow this tradition?

WhenI was a child, FC cane down the chimney and filled our stockings, the presents under the tree were from people. It was soooo exciting when family friends and relatives arrived with brightly packed parcels which they then ceremoniously placed under the tree!

OP, you can still make it really magical. On Xmmas morning, after breakfast my dad would shut himself in the sitting room and put tinsel and glittery stuff up, and light lots of candles, while we waited, BURSTING with excitement for him to open the door. The main lights would be off, the curtains closed, it was like a grotto with flickering candlelight reflected off all the tinsel around he room, and THERE was the tree with its lights on too sparkling (only decorated the night before), and there was the Baby Jesus arrived safely in his crib (placed there in the night).

It was magic. It was beautiful, so different from our normal sitting room, we would gasp and be silenced - in our childish minds, God really had wrought a miracle and we were transported.

[Aridane]

France!

[roundaboutthetown]

Blimey, Santa is a selfish twat who wants to hog all the credit for everything if he won't let others give presents to loved ones at Christmas.

[Dahlietta]

Because in my country ALL PRESENTS come from Santa.
Gosh how ethnocentric!!

As I said in the very first response to your post, OP, I am from the UK and in my family ALL PRESENTS came from Santa when I was a child. I know lots of people in the UK for whom that was the same. It's not an 'ethnic' thing

[Jux]

Your children know that their dad is not from your country or culture, so it won’t be too surprising to discover that MIL isn’t either?

I am sure that you can find a way to marry the two differing cultural traditions to make a much more interesting one that is exclusive to your family and which enriches your children’s lives. You’re going to have to do that for a lot of things over the course of their childhoods, so a good enough place to start.

[FitBitFanClub]

Surely if anyone's being "ethnocentric" here (is that even a word?), it's the OP. She's refusing to countenance her mil doing something that is not against her own country's perceived culture. even though she's wrong about that

[EmilyChambers79]

*I am from a country where all the presents come from Santa (until the children stop believing around 8/10).

Mil cannot accept this and every year tries to make sure the presents are from her. I offered to skip the presents just at Christmas and offer them when we are all together so DS knows and can say thank you. But that's not good either.

So because you won't explain to DS that Nan/Gran has given him a present, she can't give one and has to give it at a different time of year?

I don't get it. DS will be old enough soon so I am keen to keep this little thing going on for an extra couple of years.

Isn't making the children happy the point of it all? Offering is not about displaying your generosity. Is it?

So why have you never blended your respective Nationalities cultures? Why are you so struck on insisting FC brings all the gifts? It's not a law nor a requirement.

When they find out he isn't real, where do they think presents come from?

We say he brings one present for every child in the world and families buy the rest.

I know of families who do the whole FC brings everything and their children are not the nicest.

Children don't need piles of presents to believe and to get everything they want to believe.

Don't you know that FC isn't one person anyway? He has helpers all over the world who children can go and see to put in their requests to and every adult and child who is old enough to understand can help to spread the magic of Christmas.