That old chestnut again...

[Edma]

I am pretty sure I read a few threads about this already, but here we are again...
I am from a country where all the presents come from Santa (until the children stop believing around 8/10).
DH is a Brit but has no problem with this aspect of my culture. We live in my country. I am not religious and don't have any other cultural hang up afaik.
Mil cannot accept this and every year tries to make sure the presents are from her. I offered to skip the presents just at Christmas and offer them when we are all together so DS knows and can say thank you. But that's not good either.
I don't get it. DS will be old enough soon so I am keen to keep this little thing going on for an extra couple of years.
Isn't making the children happy the point of it all? Offering is not about displaying your generosity. Is it?

So you've visited every family in your country and can vouch that each does it your way? Every.Single.Family? That's impressive!

You also really shouldn't be chucking words about ethnocentrism around because you have no idea of any of our backgrounds.

So all presents come for santa - so your 8-10 year old child doesn't give their grandparent a present? Or if they do, they aren't bothered that they don't get one back?

How hard can it be to explain Grandma bought a gift?

YABU to post on AIBU then get stroppy when people disagree.

I think YABU - I don't think it matters at all or ruins the magic of Christmas if your child gets one non-father Christmas present. 🤷🏻‍♀️

The op has stated she is from a different country where this is the tradition.
For everyone until children get older.
Just because it's different doesn't make it wrong.
If this was a religious difference,it would be offensive to go against it.

The op has stated she is from a different country where this is the tradition.

I'm not buying that every single family in OP's country does it exactly this way. Not a chance.

I'd be interested to know what this country is, but I'd be very surprised if OP actually told us.

How do you know?
Would you say "I would be surprised if all Muslims don't eat pork?"

I don't see this as a culture/country thing. There are plenty of people in the UK who do the same things as the OP but they're WRONG.

But if anyone's over-dramatising this, it's the OP. Ffs, just let your mil give the kids some bloody gifts!

It’s not a religious tradition though. And as far as religions go, there are no established traditions about Santa at all.
I can see how this might have worked in the past if only kids got presents. But what will your dc make of seeing adults giving each other presents, kids giving their teacher presents, all the adverts on tv about people buying presents. I think it will trip you up faster than you’d like. There are issues worth going head to head with your mil over; I suspect this isn’t one.

But if you're living in England then surely you need to accept that people give gifts to each other as well as Santa coming to children? I live in Ireland, where Santa comes to children and brings a lot, but kids also get small gifts from relatives. Adults also give each other gifts. No matter what culture you come from you can't stop people behaving like this in Ireland and England!! You are DEFINITELY being unreasonable.

Can you just say that MIL sent some presents to Santa for him to deliver with his?

I have recently had to think about this for my children - oldest nearly 5.

When I was younger i think everything came from Santa. I don't actually remember. Although all presents had to be with us for Christmas morning.

I asked around at work to find out what they all did and all the variations are amazing! From sending all presents to Santa for him to wrap and bring back (wtf?) or just a stocking to every gift under the tree.

Santa doesn't really sit comfortably with me so I don't actually mention him anymore though the family does and ask if DS has been good for Santa coming or what is he asking Santa for.

This year we have kind of settled into a new tradition. My DH feels strongly that the gift giver should see the kids opening their gifts (where possible) and i agree. This mostly relates to gifts from the grandparents who we'll see on Christmas day. They will benefit the most from seeing their grandchildren opening their thoughtful gifts and i think that's lovely.

Plus it means that the gifts under the tree will be more appreciated I think rather than getting everything at once. It'll be staggered through the day.

This year my children will get 1 main present from Santa and the rest will just be there however i won't be saying it's from Santa unless maybe asked by them.

I can assure you it hasn't affected the magic of Christmas and i think it's much nicer for my children to know that they have a lovely family who have taken the time to buy and wrap the gifts for them that they think they'd like rather than from a make believe character who only comes once a year.

In our house Father Christmas does the stockings - mum & Dad buy the main presents.

All other presents are from people eg uncle Fred.

Last year apparently Father Christmas got lost and also delivered a small stocking to granny and grandads house (can’t say I was bothered) however the main presents were from granny and grandad and they both knew this.

I wouldn’t however say that all presents are from Santa! You can’t expect people to say they are from Santa and not them.

Well yes festive because I know for a fact that some Muslims do eat pork. I know several people who identify as Muslim culturally but don't follow all the rules. Just as I know lots of Christians who celebrate Christian holidays but don't really live by it.

Surely all it takes is to tell the child that they are very lucky, because his grandparents are from a country where Santa gives presents, but kids also get gifts from relatives? They kid will feel extra special, the grandmother isn't offended by her DIL being precious about something that doesn't matter and everyone gets to avoid hurt feelings and the kind of atmosphere that lasts for the rest of the next year and beyond.
Children are easily capable of understanding that there are two different ways of doing things in their family, especially when it means they feel like they are getting something extra because of it.

What happens if one family can’t afford as many gifts as another. Why does “Santa” then bring less? Is that explained by those children not being good enough?

How do you know?
Would you say "I would be surprised if all Muslims don't eat pork?"

I don't know, but neither does OP - that's entirely my point.

And yes, like a pp said, I also know Muslims that eat pork.

OP: AIBU?
Mumsnet: Yes you are & this is why
OP: I can’t believe you are being so unreasonable
Mumsnet: Well, you did ask
OP: We’ll I’m right and that’s that!

Maybe we should have a new ‘IABU but I don’t care what anyone thinks I’m just here to validate my opinion’ section!?

Also I don’t believe there is a country or culture where this is the norm. I’ve heard of it before in the UK & perhaps that explains why some children don’t write thank you letters. I’d always just assumed it was because their parents weren’t teaching them any manners!

AIBU?

Yes

I don't care I'm going to continue to do whatever I want and you're all ethnocentric.

OK

I don't understand how relatives giving gifts detracts from the magic of Santa? I'm not from the UK, but DH is, and our dcs were raised here. All the presents at home on Christmas morning are from Santa, but when we go to MILs for Christmas dinner, DC's grandmother, aunties, uncles, etc. give their gifts then, so those gifts are obviously from them. That in no way confuses them about Santa...no matter who the gifts are from, the spirit of choosing and giving thoughtful gifts is always the idea we emphasise.
Which country are you from that only Santa gives the gifts?

How would I explain that all the presents come from Santa but one?

It's easy. You just say "in Granny's country, relatives send presents to each other at Christmas too, so Granny has sent one for you". You LO can have Santa presents at one point and a present from Granny in the evening. It takes nothing away from your tradition.

She's wonderful and you love her so let her have this.

A quick search shows that your children are roughly 8 and 10 and so probably not believing in Father Christmas anyway. So it makes sense surely for the gift to be from MIL?

What is this country where nobody can give presents except santa? I didn't grow up in the UK, have lived in 12 different countries on 3 continents and never encountered a country where this was a national tradition!m?

Whch country are you frm Edma??

This would be really easy to explain.
You already live in your country, in your culture.
Its not all about you.