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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to call every day

125 replies

TreaclePumpkin · 08/11/2017 13:17

Hi all, I have a 13 month old son who started nursery 3 days a week about a month ago.

I typically call the nursery twice a day to find out how he has been sleeping and eating - we have particular concerns as he has not grown now for a few months and is under a paediatrician for this issue.

What I want to know is if it is normal to call everyday and what other people do? I really just miss being with him all the time, so it's a big adjustment for me as well as him. And he still goes in crying everyday and is frantic to leave when his dad picks him up after work.

The nursery have said we can call as much as we want, but I don't know if they really mean it. I obviously want to make sure my little one is ok, but don't want nursery staff resenting him because his mother is annoying and clearly suffering from PFB syndrome Blush

Very grateful for any views on this.

OP posts:
Passmethecrisps · 08/11/2017 13:20

Do they keep a diary of sleeping and eating? When my older dd was at nursery they kept a note of everything from sleeping to nappy changes.

If they say to call as much as you like and they seem genuine then carry on. The only thing which would bother me is how much time it takes you and whether you could wait until the end of the day to find out that information.

MinnowAndTheBear · 08/11/2017 13:21

Twice a day?? I called twice on his first day, and once on his second. Never again since.
They send home a diary which lists all of his nap times, nappies and food intake. Would this be a better solution?

Nicknacky · 08/11/2017 13:22

I have never called and twice a day seems really excessive. Bi doubt the nursery would tell you to stop but is it not adding to your anxiety? If they did say he hadn't eaten etc then that will stress you while you are at work.

BatteredBreadedOrSouthernFried · 08/11/2017 13:22

No it’s not normal to call twice a day! You’re taking the staff away from actually looking after the children when you do that. The nursery has a daily comunication diary they send home, right? Read that, that will answer your questions. If you have any issues, raise it the next morning when you drop him off.

Pickleypickles · 08/11/2017 13:23

It sounds too much i think sorry. What is every parent phone twice a day? They would need seperate staff jist to man the phones!

When my DD started nursery i rang on my dinner for the first week just to check she was ok but i think after that you just have to trust that if there is an issue they will ring you.

My DD nursery also do a diary of sorts that tells me how she has slept and what she has eaten. Do they do this?

Wolfiefan · 08/11/2017 13:24

I didn't and wouldn't. Nursery should call you if they have urgent concerns and also inform you of how his day has gone when you pick him up.

Caulk · 08/11/2017 13:24

Do they have tapestry or similar where you can see photos of what they have been doing?

Anatidae · 08/11/2017 13:25

I think it’s a bit much - it’s keeping you in state of constant checking and that’s not healthy. It means you’re in a state of anxiety and worry all day.

Why not try to just ask at the end of the day at pick up? Maybe ask the staff just to make a note of how much/what was eaten? That’s useful for you with the food issue.?

I totally understand how hard it is to leave them, by the way.

Anotherdayanotherdollar · 08/11/2017 13:28

Can you not just wait to find out at the end of the day?? What are you going to do about it if you don't like what they say?

Definitely not normal.

arethereanyleftatall · 08/11/2017 13:28

I never called. I assumed they d call me if anything was wrong. We were told at end of day how well they slept/ate.

Original poster
TreaclePumpkin · 08/11/2017 13:28

Thanks - they do keep a diary and I guess I could wait until the end of the day. I don't suppose there is anything I can do with the information they give me during the day anyway.

That said, I have noticed a couple of times they have told me he has eaten/not eaten a certain meal during the day and then the end of day sheet tells me something completely different. So then I worry which is actually more accurate and I'm inclined to think they will be more accurate if I call right after a meal than when filing in that sheet.

Honestly, I am starting to think they don't really want me to call. But I have no idea if it is normal not to call at all to check on him - even if he didn't have any feeding issues.

OP posts:
AllStar14 · 08/11/2017 13:29

I have never called. Twice a day is too much, they will call you if there is ever any concerns.

AuntLydia · 08/11/2017 13:29

I've never had any parents do that as a childminder. The odd text - when a child first starts with me or if they're under the weather. Do you think it might help you to feel less anxious about being away from him if you tried to cut the phone calls down? Are they able to reassure you he's happy during the day?

sinceyouask · 08/11/2017 13:30

he has not grown now for a few months and is under a paediatrician for this issue.

Given that this is the situation, I can quite see why you feel the need to call and ask about his sleeping and eating twice a day, and think anyone who doesn't understand why you may feel the need to do so is somewhat limited. That said, what do you gain from it? The exact same information can be handed over when your ds is collected, both verbally and in writing, and will be of just as much use to you and the paediatrician. Could you maybe set yourself a limit of one call a day for a week, then try going without calling at all, having ensured the nursery will carefully write down exactly what he eats and when, and when and for how long he sleeps?

XJerseyGirlX · 08/11/2017 13:30

Yes sorry OP twice a day is too much. The staff are busy trying to look after kids and imagine if every parents rang twice a day to check on their kids.They will call you if there is a problem.

AuntLydia · 08/11/2017 13:31

Cross post. Do they know your concerns about his weight and therefore how important it is that meal information is correct? Might be worth having a chat about that and if they can be more accurate try and cut down on the calls.

Passmethecrisps · 08/11/2017 13:31

I have sympathy, I really do. I was deeply anxious about my DDs feeding but you need to put it into context really. If you Dc has eaten a whole meal versus half a meal as might be written on the sheet, is that going to make a different in the grand scheme of things. I presume they know about the weight concerns? I might just ask that extra care is made to ensure the record is accurate as you will be using it with the paediatrician

Original poster
TreaclePumpkin · 08/11/2017 13:32

Ok, thanks everyone. I appreciate the comments. I really just didn't know what people "normally" do. But based on the responses it is super clear that I am going over the top. I haven't called yet today and I won't now do so.

Thanks for your advice

OP posts:
Topbananaa · 08/11/2017 13:34

That's far too much, I don't think I called twice in three years!

Anatidae · 08/11/2017 13:34

I think it’s YOU who should be the focus here :) (hello, fellow postnatal anxiety sufferer here.)

I ended up in a terrible state and have been receiving some intensive therapy for severe OCD - this sounds like something I might have done.

My therapist went over the (bleeding obvious but nice to have pointed out) fact that this kind of behaviour creates a constant anxiety spiral - worry, check, worry, wait, check.

I would do the following: ask in writing for a note to be made of what was eaten each day because he has food issues - then stop calling.

If you want and find that too abrupt, call once a day for a week to cut down.

Your current behaviour pattern is that you’re going through this cycle of checking and anxiety 2-3x a day. It’s very hard on you.

Take care of yourself. Flowers

Original poster
TreaclePumpkin · 08/11/2017 13:34

Sorry, haven't quite figured out how to reply to direct comments. Yes, they are very aware of his health issues and have promised to make extra efforts to get him eating more. But that isn't working so far and he doesn't sleep well either. But again, I understand that my calling doesn't actually help with anything in real terms

OP posts:
AuntLydia · 08/11/2017 13:35

Its 'normal' and OK to push for accurate and good quality information at the end of the day though op. That's something that childcare regulators pick up on and look for so don't be scared to insist on that at handover.

abbsisspartacus · 08/11/2017 13:35

I've called a couple of times with number three he genuinely had trouble settling in a couple of times and I rang to make sure he was settled one and two I didn't as they seemed more robust Blush

PricillaQueenOfTheDesert · 08/11/2017 13:59

How many children are in his nursery group? Now imagine each one of those children has a parent that calls twice every day. How much time do you think the nursery staff spend answering these calls?

I’m sure if they have anything to tell you they will!

nornironlady · 08/11/2017 14:02

I would never contact my childminder and only because if there is an issue with my DS then she will let me know. Even during the months when he was suffering severe constipation I knew she would contact me or DP if my son needed us or to be sent home. I'd find it hard to concentrate on my work if I was worrying about my DS so I do feel for you OP.

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