DP wanting a room all to himself

[SarahH12]

Current setup is three bedrooms, private renting. One room is our room, one room is DSD's and the spare room we both use to chill out in - read, use exercise bike etc. I love having this space but I see it as a luxury, not a necessity.

We've recently started looking at buying a house. DP wants us to go for a 4 bedroom. He sees it as when we want to have DC, they'll have the third room and then he still wants a 4th bedroom which he can call his space. I would rather buy a cheaper 3 bedroom and lose the spare room once we have DC. Him wanting a 4th bedroom pushes the prices up by quite a lot and would use practically every single penny of our savings for the deposit, meaning solicitors fees, stamp duty, moving costs etc would have to be paid for on a credit card.

I think he's being selfish and it's really putting me off wanting to buy with him if he can't wrap his head around the fact we lose space if we have DC. AIBU or is he?

I agree with you, that is crazy. Maybe once you start looking and he realises the price difference it might help change his mind? What does he say at the moment about the extra money it will cost you?

Absolutely he should have his own room...as long as you do too.

If you are investing together both should get a say. I'd not be happy to share the costs of such a large investment if it wasn't what I wanted. It's too big a deal to just give in on as not like a dress you can return.

Larger three bed with two downstairs rooms could be a compromise? Or just let him work out the finances on a four bed himself rather than you playing the parental bad guy role

Is this a continuation of this Man Cave nonsense? Why do men need a room to themselves?

Could he not have a shed!

How about a log cabin in the garden? Much cheaper than a fourth bedroom. Could be insulated and have electricity.

Why not a 3 bedroom with one bedroom each? He can then ask permission to come for a sleepover...

Sounds like heaven

Shed?

Of course he can have his own room. It’s called a shed.

1. Why does he suddenly get a whole room to himself? Where are you meant to chill?

1. Putting all those costs on a credit card is mad, UNLESS you know you can pay it off very quickly.

Go for a 3 bed and look at getting the loft converted in the.future.......having said that many 3 beds will have a boarded loft space which cant be classed as a bedroom but can be used as a room.

This is much cheaper.......or even better.look at houses with basic cellar space ie clean and dry. I don't think he's.being OTT in wanting seperate doss space for you both........it shouldnt be just for him tho. Make that very clear !!

Buy a place with a cellar and tell him he can convert that!

I hate all this "man cave" rubbish. We are lucky enough to have a formal living room and a more casual one to slob out, watch movies, etc. and I can't stand it being designated by visitors as 'man space'. As if men can't possibly be trusted to exist within the family space or are far too important not to have their own special spaces for their oh so different needs.

Sorry, that was more of a rant than expected. Probably because yesterday I was told by MIL that has his man cave and I have...the kitchen.

sunny he said the extra costs can be put on a 0% interest credit card. Realistically speaking we'd be able to pay off the credit card within 6 months to a year. But that still seems UR to me for the sake of a man cave. And what happens if things cost more than he's expecting?!

Leave him behind and he can have the whole place!!

I can understand the rant Lost. How the heck is the kitchen your space?!

Oh I had this with exDP. It's rubbish.

If you can stretch to 4 bedrooms and pay it off in 6 months I would definitely consider it. E.g. if you have two children together they could have a room each, or it could be a guest room, study etc. It doesn't seem fair for him to have a personal space though unless he works from home.

What's your current layout downstairs? We have a lounge / diner and separate kitchen. Whenever we look at houses I always say to dh I just want an extra room, I don't care where it is. A small playroom downstairs in a 3 bed might not push the price up so much.

It would be very risky to put so many fees on a credit card. You'd risk being turned down for the mortgage as You'd present as not being able to afford it. Also the interest idiocy will get worse. You need to plan in a comfort zone.

I’d be telling him “if you want a whole room, so do I. That means nothing less than a 5 bed, in fact if we have more than one child the 5th room would be filled too, so we need a conservatory, laundry room and probably a bloody moat too”

Can he not make do with a three bed until after you have children?

Tbh I would consider a spare room if you could pay off the difference in 6 months. Just make sure you use it to benefit both of you, not just him.

He wants "a house we're not going to grow out of in the next 5-10 years"

Ugh!

Don’t do it as they piss off into their room and avoid cooking and household chores. He’s an adult, not a child, he doesn’t need his own room, it’s not the Edwardian era when men needed a study in order to withdraw from the household because they had servants to run the place.

If he wants his own space he can have a shed. They don’t remain in there too long as it gets cold and draughty.