DP wanting a room all to himself

[SarahH12]

Current setup is three bedrooms, private renting. One room is our room, one room is DSD's and the spare room we both use to chill out in - read, use exercise bike etc. I love having this space but I see it as a luxury, not a necessity.

We've recently started looking at buying a house. DP wants us to go for a 4 bedroom. He sees it as when we want to have DC, they'll have the third room and then he still wants a 4th bedroom which he can call his space. I would rather buy a cheaper 3 bedroom and lose the spare room once we have DC. Him wanting a 4th bedroom pushes the prices up by quite a lot and would use practically every single penny of our savings for the deposit, meaning solicitors fees, stamp duty, moving costs etc would have to be paid for on a credit card.

I think he's being selfish and it's really putting me off wanting to buy with him if he can't wrap his head around the fact we lose space if we have DC. AIBU or is he?

[DeadGood]

Thanks for the update OP. Hope you love your new place!

[minisoksmakehardwork]

I have friends with ‘his and hers’ sheds. It is the best solution for you, honestly. Get a reasonable sized house with a good sized garden you can put 2 sheds in. Padlock yours and let him hide in his to his heart’s content.

[SarahH12]

Thanks silver

[SilverSpot]

Sounds perfect and a total no-brainer TBH, worth stretching yourself a tiny but to get a much better property.

[SarahH12]

The house we've put an offer on has 4 bedrooms so one for us, one for DSD, spare room for us to chill in and then another spare room hopefully to be used by our Of in a year or two. The space is really good as we'll have a second reception room which can be used, a shed will fit in the garden and we could potentially convert the attic in a few years if we (hopefully) have a third child. None of the bedrooms are box rooms which mean all 3 DC would have enough room of their own.

[Sooooooooooooooooooooo]

If you are planning on having children then I would get a bigger house. It’s nice for them to be able to have their own space. We have a 4 bed and I love having a spare room for guests. I’m way past people sleeping on the sofa. If you can afford it then do it. I wouldn’t buy a house I was going to move out of in 5 or 10 years either.

[sashh]

How about a log cabin in the garden? Much cheaper than a fourth bedroom. Could be insulated and have electricity.

I was just about to suggest a 3 bed with garden big enough for a garden room.

Or somewhere with room to build on.

[Andromeida29]

My partner and I have just bought a three bed house and he is having one of the rooms. He has Asperger's so needs a place of his own when he gets overwhelmed. I've got no issue with it.

[SarahH12]

Thanks all for your comments, it's really help me get my head around things. We were trying to make a decision between two houses. One was cheaper but very small and the other was so much bigger, a space we can really grow into but may require some moving costs to be put on the credit card. Anyway, in the end we decided to go for the bigger property as it gives us the confidence we won't have to move again for a very long time.

[Sunshineandshopping]

I agree with your husband, it all seems pretty low risk to me. Your landlord doesn’t want to do a rolling contact but have you tried asking them for a six month extension? That gives the landlord certainty and you a focused amount of time to save and search for your 4 bed.

[Coastalcommand]

I'm with your husband too. We deliberately bought a big house, a doer-upper, that we could live in forever if we wanted to.
In two years (of hard work) we put 50% in its value.
Now we have a baby I can't imagine what we'd do with less space. It allowed us a room each to sleep in when my pregnancy snoring got too much and now we can sleep separately when the baby is fractuous. Great for when friends or family want to come and stay too.
The smaller places we looked at have held their value, but not gone up like ours has.

[Vinomcstephens]

I'm with your husband - since your ARE planning on having children in the future, I'd go with buying the 4 bedroom house now. You've acknowledged the 4th bedroom will continue to be used as it is now (i.e. a room that everyone uses, that's it's not a man cave) so I don't think he's being selfish.

And as for fees etc going on a credit card. I know in MN that will send you on the certain path to bankruptcy, but in real life, if you can pay the cards off in 6 months then I think it's why wouldn't you, rather than why would you?

[Orangebird69]

I don't see the issue myself. I'm looking at houses at the mo and if there isn't a room specifically for dh, or an outbuilding suitable, I dismiss it. I very much want dh to have his own space so he can keep all his shite that I hate in it.

[NataliaOsipova]

Is he Virginia Woolf?

[DeadGood]

“We can easily afford the mortgage repayments it's just the initial deposit and other moving costs.”

This is the crap thing about buying a place isn’t it. Repayments on a mortgage are much less than renting (at least where I am) but there’s that huge hurdle that many can never get past. It’s shit.

It does sound like you are in a good place financially. I can see why, with no support, you are cautious. But honestly, you should get the largest place you can afford. For the sake of £4k (moving costs, stamp duty and fees) you could get an extra room? I’d go for it, personally

[hellsbellsmelons]

A nice converted shed in the garden should cover it nicely.
As others have said.

[DunkMeInTomatoSoup]

Everyone should have their own space, it's healthy. So be that a cabin in the garden (my freinds parens have matching sheds! She has her craft shed and he hads his train shed) , a spare roo, or even a loft conversion - I'd always take the cheaper option = nicer area, small house and extend through the roof rather than a bigger house, out of area, longer commute etc.

[FizzyGreenWater]

What's he actually like? Because this sounds very much like a case of inherent selfishness, I'm-the-most-important-person-here coming out... as soon as you start talking in terms of big financial commitments.

Yes it would also make me not to want to buy with him. Interesting that this comes up once the serious, long-term, how do we want our lives to be stuff starts getting done.

Stretching for a 4 bed isn't necessarily a bad idea if you plan to have children, as moving and buying and selling costs a lot so it's a good idea to think ahead. But his reasoning? Selfish selfish! Not a good sign.

[SarahH12]

I don't know who Virginia Woolfe is

Okay maybe I phrased it wrongly. It's not that he thinks it's his room just that he is the one that currently uses it the most.

If interest rates go up, we're absolutely fine. I don't want to go into specifics but say for example the bank has said they'll lend us x amount, the houses we're looking at are all approximately 60% of this or less. On our current wages (although both of our companies give annual pay rises of 3-5% per year) we can afford the monthly repayments even if interest rates go up to 10%. We'd be seriously pushing it if they went up any higher but then I guess everyone would be in trouble if they went up much higher anyway.

[TieGrr]

You're going to be in the new house for a long time. Surely it's better to take a little more time now and buy a house that's going to be big enough for you to grow into rather than a smaller, cheaper option. Even if that means renting for longer.

[milliemolliemou]

Bala Lovely. But Woolf - I don't think - never had to borrow or put things on credit cards. It's a great tract, but she wrote it for a certain audience and not those living four to a bed in one room.

OP an extra room is wonderful - though I would make it clear it's not just for DP.. But watch the interest rates and def nothing on credit. Might mean looking in a different area - does DP understand this? If interest rates went up to 5% where would this leave you?

[Balaboosteh]

Is he Virginia Woolf?

[SarahH12]

I think I'm worried about money because I've never had much of it in the past (used to live pay cheque to pay cheque) and we have no family support. I think ideally we'd spend a bit more time saving, even 6 months or so would put us in a much better place. We can easily afford the mortgage repayments it's just the initial deposit and other moving costs. But our tenancy agreement is up in 5 months and we don't want to spend another 12 months renting and LL isn't okay with rolling contracts.

Maybe I just need to chill out a bit.

[DeadGood]

"we can't actually afford it realistically at the moment. I'd be all for it if we could but having to put it on credit card in my book isn't affording it.

Stamp duty for the properties we're looking at works out at around 1.5k"

Wow, sorry OP. I live in the SE so stamp duty is a big deal.

For 1.5K, if you know you can afford it, you should go for a bigger place IMO. Moving is expensive (ie. you don't want to do it again in 3 years if you can avoid it) and if you think you can pay the extra costs off in a year, I would do it.

That said, I have a support network. If things really hit the fan, I have family I could ask for a loan until we were back on track. If you have no support at all, I can see why you would want to be more cautious.

But if you are just slightly nervous when it comes to money, you need to accept that, when it comes to money, you have to stretch yourself if you want to progress.

[Anatidae]

Totally fair. IF... if you have your own space too.

Dh and I have a four bed. Currently one child and we both have a room as an office/personal space each. We are very glad of the space.

When we hopefully expand the family we will need to redesign a bit. Maybe extend, or block off a space to create a small office for us each.

Putting it on a cc is madness.

Look at unusual layouts - houses with a tiny box room he could have, or a nanny room off a bedroom, or a small room off a hallway. They can be cheaper than four ‘normal’ bedrooms