DP wanting a room all to himself

[SarahH12]

Current setup is three bedrooms, private renting. One room is our room, one room is DSD's and the spare room we both use to chill out in - read, use exercise bike etc. I love having this space but I see it as a luxury, not a necessity.

We've recently started looking at buying a house. DP wants us to go for a 4 bedroom. He sees it as when we want to have DC, they'll have the third room and then he still wants a 4th bedroom which he can call his space. I would rather buy a cheaper 3 bedroom and lose the spare room once we have DC. Him wanting a 4th bedroom pushes the prices up by quite a lot and would use practically every single penny of our savings for the deposit, meaning solicitors fees, stamp duty, moving costs etc would have to be paid for on a credit card.

I think he's being selfish and it's really putting me off wanting to buy with him if he can't wrap his head around the fact we lose space if we have DC. AIBU or is he?

[LostInShoebiz]

Yes! As soon as serious work comes along their room needs a hoover or a tidy. That job seems to last all afternoon.

[gunsandbanjos]

Bugger that! It's either a shared space for the two of you or you need a fifth bedroom too.

How utterly ridiculous, why is he so special that he gets a whole room?

[Ilovetolurk]

OP why do you say uurgh at a house you won't grow out of

Seems a reasonable argument to me?

Agree though you should both be on board and if not err on the side of caution with smaller house

[TheABC]

Get a 3 bed with a large garden that gives you room to extend/build a conservatory/place a shed/bury your DP under.

I also like the attic conversion idea, as long as its split 50/50 with you.

Keep the credit card for emergencies. There's always something extra to budget for with a move and its guaranteed that the washing machine packs up or the crockery goes missing - just to ramp up the stress.

[DeadGood]

“He wants "a house we're not going to grow out of in the next 5-10 years"

Perfectly reasonable.

I don’t think you would actually be able to put stamp duty on a credit card. It’s usually 5 figures! You won’t meet affordability.

However, if you can, and can afford to pay it back without interest, you should. You should buy the largest property you can afford.

[Zaphodsotherhead]

Similar is happening to me - only the other way around! My OH and I are thinking of moving in together and I am insisting on having a room that I can use as an office/bedroom. I am an author, and he sees nothing wrong in putting the TV on when I'm slaving over my laptop, so I want a room where I can shut myself away and work without being interrupted by 'look! Isn't that an amazing shot! Shall we watch 'Shed of the Year' now? I wonder how they get them to do that?' every bloody five minutes.

Oh, and he snores so I want my own bedroom. Any of this apply to you, OP?

[DeadGood]

I agree that the extra room should be for you as well though, unless/until it becomes a spare room or another kid’s bedroom.

[lazymum99]

Whats wrong with a house you're not going to grow out of. Seems perfectly reasonable if you can afford it.
Does he need work space.
If he has his room does the living room become yours?

[SarahH12]

I say ugh for the sole reason that we can't actually afford it realistically at the moment. I'd be all for it if we could but having to put it on credit card in my book isn't affording it.

Stamp duty for the properties we're looking at works out at around 1.5k

[Aderyn17]

So what's in it for you? Why would you shackle yourself to a bigger mortgage etc (when interest rates are starting to rise) for something that is just for him?

[SarahH12]

He rarely (if ever) works from home and neither do I

[SarahH12]

Zaphod none of that applies here. I can understand in your situation why you would want the extra room

[TonicAndTonic]

yesterday I was told by MIL that has his man cave and I have...the kitchen



Mind you I can imagine my MIL coming out with something crap like that.

OP, I think stretching to an extra bedroom is not a bad thing, moving is expensive so makes sense to try and make the new house last as long as possible without growing out of the space. Id be very nervous about using a credit card to borrow any of the money though. But mostly, if you are both paying for the house then he doesn't get a man cave all of his own. No way! All the rooms belong to both of you.

[MatildaTheCat]

I’m actually all in favour of buying the largest or best possible house you can afford as long as you can afford the mortgage payments and possible (almost certain) increases in interest rates. The reason being that over a period of years you tend to grow into your outgoings as your salaries increase. Obviously if, in the future you anticipate Being a SAHM or similar then that’s different.

So for the sake of a few months of paying a cc I would do this. However, the man cave is nonsense and if he needs space so do you. He’s being silly.

[lazymum99]

OP do you want a room for yourself? I can't see the problem if it is affordable.

[RandomMess]

Does he realise the interest rates are going up and the mortgage deals you’ve been looking at may not be available in a couple of weeks!

[afrikat]

Have you met with a mortgage advisor to check what you can actually afford? I have a feeling they include all the fees, stamp duty etc in their calculations so if you don't have the funds to pay for it all without using credit cards they wouldn't approve the mortgage anyway. Might be worth double checking as it would negate the need for an argument!
Personally I like having a 4th bedroom as it allows us to have guests or for one of us to go get rest if the other is in our bed with the baby or toddler but neither of us see it as our room as such. And it was easily within our affordability. I wouldn't want to wipe out all savings and go into debt for it

[blanklook]

Tell him you'll have a garden shed each as 'me' space. There are some really super ones.

Then buy a house you can afford.

[bastardkitty]

It's not a good sign. Is he irresponsible with money? Does he have cocklodger tendencies?

[JemimaLovesHamble]

You should buy the largest property you can afford.

You're saying that to someone who is talking about putting moving costs on a credit card...

Interest rates have finally started climbing again too. It's time to be cautious, not over stretch yourselves.

[littlebird7]

You will probably want a bigger house as time goes by and it does cost the earth to keep moving. So if you can stretch to bigger house now then it makes sense to do so whilst you can afford to. If it pushes you over and you are at risk of debt, go for the smaller house with a man shed

[bastardkitty]

He needs a bedroom to share with you. A bedroom for his daughter. A bedroom for himself. Can't people see what's wrong? Don't buy the biggest house you can afford. Don't borrow the money for stamp duty.

[Mummaofboys]

My husband has his own room as a painting studio, it's ridiculous but he's happy and I don't have time to argue with him, depends how much a quiet life costs to you.

[GabsAlot]

tll him yeah u can hav your own room and sleep in it aswell

one each

[mindutopia]

Personally, I would want a spare room, not for my dh to have all to himself (that would never be happening), but because we need office space. So for us, the extra bedroom is a necessity as we both work from home, have family overseas who need to come stay, etc. But if you can not afford it, I would NOT be stretching yourselves thin and putting expenses on a credit card. He needs to learn to live within his means. That doesn't mean I don't think it's a good investment, I think it would be if you could afford it, but not for his stuff alone. If you can't, you can't though.