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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I being precious!?

124 replies

Watsonwotsit · 02/11/2017 13:00

I have 2 year old twins. At the moment I'm struggling to take them places like soft play alone. I tend to stick to walks in the pushchair whilst dh is at work, when he's home we do plenty of trips to the farm, walks up the mountain, soft play and running around the park.

My friends who all have 1 toddler or a toddler and an older child don't seem to understand why I can't do lots of these activities. I'm not comfortable in soft play because I can't keep an eye on both, walks without the pushchair one or the other inevitably decides not to walk (we are working on this and they are improving!)

Basically I'm being made to feel that I'm being precious and should just let them get on with it and stop hovering around them.

They go to nursery for a few sessions a week, we do lots of craft and play outdoors in the garden most days so they're not cooped up all the time.

Aibu? If you have twins when did these things get easier?

OP posts:
OuchLegoHurts · 02/11/2017 13:12

I have twins and it's definitely difficult taking them places totally alone and often not with the stress! But i would definitely take them to a soft play.place especially if you have friends going too. I'd just let them off and have fun...I don't think too much can go wrong, and you have other adults there to help

gabsdot · 02/11/2017 13:12

I have a friend with twins who are 5 now. It has always been very difficult and stressful for her to bring them anywhere. you really do need eyes in the back of your head.
I don't think you're being precious.

OuchLegoHurts · 02/11/2017 13:14

And my twins are now 9 and a dream! It got easier when they were 4 and it just got better and better from there. It's definitely so much easier than singletons now as they play and entertain each other all day and get invited to the same parties so we have loads of free time without them now!

sayyouwill · 02/11/2017 13:15

If you have a baby is easier enough to guess what it’s like having twins. It’s almost impossible to guess correctly however.
It’s not just like having two-babies. It’s like having one entirely unique individual. And another one. Both want to do their own thing, go their own way, have their own tantrum etc.
I don’t think you’re being precious at all

2014newme · 02/11/2017 13:19

Yanbu I was the same with mine.
Soft play is hell anyway you aren't missing anything

Lottie509 · 02/11/2017 13:19

See if you can find a better, quieter soft play place, thats got a decent toddler bit, and put them in bright colours so you can spot them easily if they do run out of view.

oldlaundbooth · 02/11/2017 13:21

YANBU.

I'm surprised you leave the house really at that age with them both, they'll be into everything.

WhatWouldGenghisDo · 02/11/2017 13:21

I don't have twins but I have 2 close together. Dc1 was 2 when dc2 started walking and for about 6 months I barely managed to take them anywhere (unless I had adult backup). Once dc1 turned 3 it all became possible again. YANBPrecious

oldlaundbooth · 02/11/2017 13:21

Also, don't make things even more difficult for yourself.

They will survive without soft play.

pasanda · 02/11/2017 13:22

YANBU. I have 9 year old twins who are also a dream now but at 2yr old - bloody hell, it was more like a nightmare Grin

Basically, do what you feel comfortable doing. They sound like they have a great life with plenty of activities anyway so who cares if they miss out on the occasional trip to soft play.

Anyone who has never had twins has no right to comment on the best way to cope with twins anyway!

LookAtMyRingsMyRingsMyRings · 02/11/2017 13:23

my DTs are now 5. the toddler years were hell! i found a lovely small soft play which they couldnt get out of and was quite and let them loose in there. always dressed them in bright colours/distinctive clothes so easy to spot.

i didnt even attempt to let them walk anywhere until they were 3 (starting pre-school) it was just not worth the faff!

but i will be honest and say i didnt do many baby groups with them as i figured they had each other to interact with and it was much less stressful to let them rampage at home! i would happily invite others to my house for playdates though.

LookAtMyRingsMyRingsMyRings · 02/11/2017 13:24

to add, it got much easier once they started pre-school - so 3 and a bit/4 years old and they are fab now at 5. keep trucking on, it does get easier!!

centreyoursoul · 02/11/2017 13:25

Let them walk a mile in your shoes, OP Hmm
Cheeky fuckers. I had similar with hints of ‘how hard can it be?’
Answer = Really hard.
So hard that you would rather not stress about trying to hold a conversation/answer someone’s question and keep an eye at the same time.
A walk in the fresh air and mine were 100 x happier. It can be very lonely.

centreyoursoul · 02/11/2017 13:27

As look said, it does get easier - mine love playing with each other and are being always more or less st the stage of development.

Hullabaloo31 · 02/11/2017 13:27

I think you're being a bit precious, I can't imagine the hard work of twins but from the soft play point of view I can't see that the demands there are very different from having 2 young children (I can see how they differ in other areas).

What I would say is I can't understand why your friends aren't helping?

Surely that's the whole point of going out as a group - it's easier! You can always leave a baby/toddler/twin with the other mums whilst one needs a change/12 billion trips for a poo if toilet training etc. You all pitch in holding the newborn so the newest mum can deal with whatever else is being thrown at her, or take her bigger/other one to the loo whilst she's feeding. Noses are wiped, packets are opened, cuddles are given by whoever has a free hand at the time.

I think you might need to push yourself a bit going out with them both, but I think you might need some new friends too!

PandorasXbox · 02/11/2017 13:28

They’re aren’t missing out by not going to soft play! Sounds like you have a lovely routine with them so just ignore your friends that are being critical.

centreyoursoul · 02/11/2017 13:28

Don’t bother pushing yourself if you don’t feel like it OP.
What’s in it for you?

centreyoursoul · 02/11/2017 13:30

As Pandora’s italics suggest, they are hardly supportive friends if they are laying down conditions for you.
‘Come to soft play or we will find fault with you’

Push yourself, ffs. I bet you are pushing yourself all the time, with 2 yo twins Confused

InDubiousBattle · 02/11/2017 13:33

I don't have twins but have a 19 month age gap and I rarely take them to soft play on my own. There are are couple where the actual play aea is only small and completely enclosed but in the larger ones I couldn't possibly take care of them properly. A 'friend of mine once made me feel dreadful for not taking them swimming together!

Anamnua · 02/11/2017 13:37

One of my DTs broke his leg as a two year old in soft play- I was looking at the other one. People with one baby just don't understand so you either need to go with someone who'll help you or stick to what works for you and yours. It gets way way way easier at about 3 1/2

Original poster
Watsonwotsit · 02/11/2017 13:38

I feel so much better after reading these replies, thank you. It can be lonely it feels like my friends just don't get it.

I did used to "push myself" but after the usual getting out of the house palava I had a bit of an epiphany whilst stimultaniously trying to stop one twin throw himself off the top of the slide and stop the other launching himself down the steps and though why the fuck am I doing this to myself?

I think the difference with softplay with twins to soft play with 2 with an age gap you're likely to have 1 immobile baby or 1 child who is sensible enough to play alone.

OP posts:
Scotinoz · 02/11/2017 13:39

I don't have twins, but have just short of 17mths between mine.

Soft play I don't ever think is too bad to be honest. Round my way term time mornings are pre-school age heaven - no big kids, bit of entertainment, they're signed in and out so pretty safe and injury risk is low. I let them crack on with it.

I still often operate a one in-one out of the pram policy. They learned pretty quickly to take turns! And reins are a 100% acceptable option.

As they get a bit older you do have to let them have a bit of independence, but do what you're comfortable with.

Parents of 1 or with a bigger age gap can be a bit smug though, so I feel for you. I recently had a 2 and 3.5 year old chucking wobblers in a waiting room. All the other parents had a perfectly behaved child or tiny baby asleep and older kid reading a book...the glares were terrible 😣

Original poster
Watsonwotsit · 02/11/2017 13:39

@anamnua oh no that's my main worry!

OP posts:
archersfan3 · 02/11/2017 13:42

You definitely need some more supportive people around you.
I don't have twins so I don't know exactly what it's like but I do have an imagination and some empathy...
Plenty of people struggle with having one 2 year old never mind two at once!
If it helps at all, mine is much better at going off and playing on his own at softplay/the playpark now that he's 3 than when he was 2 when I would often have to go in with him. Especially if there are other children to play with. He's much needier at home when it's just me and him.

InDubiousBattle · 02/11/2017 13:42

Of course op, twins would be much harder than even a small age gap! You need nicer friends. Soft play centres are basically germ factories (dp calls them impetigo pits)so it not like your dc are missing out on much. You have 2 year old twins, I'd be giving you a high five if you washed your hair every day!