Am I being precious!?

[Watsonwotsit]

I have 2 year old twins. At the moment I'm struggling to take them places like soft play alone. I tend to stick to walks in the pushchair whilst dh is at work, when he's home we do plenty of trips to the farm, walks up the mountain, soft play and running around the park.

My friends who all have 1 toddler or a toddler and an older child don't seem to understand why I can't do lots of these activities. I'm not comfortable in soft play because I can't keep an eye on both, walks without the pushchair one or the other inevitably decides not to walk (we are working on this and they are improving!)

Basically I'm being made to feel that I'm being precious and should just let them get on with it and stop hovering around them.

They go to nursery for a few sessions a week, we do lots of craft and play outdoors in the garden most days so they're not cooped up all the time.

Aibu? If you have twins when did these things get easier?

[bellabelly]

@Pennywhistle - it was swimming that gave me the real guilt. All my nct mummy friends were doing various swimming classes and meeting up with each other for baby&toddler sessions at the pool and I felt really envious and really guilty that mine were missing out.

[Watsonwotsit]

Ah yes swimming and the ubiquitous under water photos, that gave me some sleepless nights!

One positive is that we have a brilliant routine and they have always been good sleepers so that's the one thing I can be a bit smug about

4 under 4! Hats off to you, how amazing to have 2 sets!

[StrawberryGiraffe]

I took my twins to soft play when they were two (on a weekend) and I swear never again!! It was the most stressful, nerve wracking experience, even with a friend with me. Both ran off in different directions in a busy and big soft play which was 3 levels high.

They had great fun but I left after an hour exhausted and in need of a drink. They are 3 now and so much easier but I've never taken them to a soft play since and don't think they are missing out.

Unless you have twins you cannot understand how difficult the most simple things can be.

[Curlyshabtree]

I agree with the swimming too. My twins didn’t have proper swimming lessons until aged 6. They had 2-1 tuition for about 8 months and and were the best swimmers in their class by Y4. I actually think it could actually be cheaper to wait until they’re older. Didn’t have to shell out for years and years.....

[SparklyUnicornPoo]

bellabelly I do wish I had recorded it, they've gone all the way through school together and I swear I could turn the letters home into a book.

[SomethingNewToday]

Nowhere near twins but I did have a 3 and a 1 year old who would both bolt in different directions.

I would do soft play with them both but kept one of those elastic extendable wrist straps on the 1 year old. Might be an option op if you really want to do soft play, it does take a lot of the worry (of loosing one!) out of it.

[PickAChew]

Mine aren't twins, but we never got very far with just me in charge when they were both under 5. I felt outnumbered by just one of them at a time!

But 2 little ones is much more than twice as hard work as one on their own because they're not up to the same mischief at the same time (and when they are, they're firing off each other and the mischief is bigger, as a result)

[BinkyBuntyFintyCunty]

You get yourself and two year old twins up, dressed and fed every day....that's a feat in itself! Don't put soft play pressure on yourself. You're doing great as you are. Soft play will still be there when they are a bit older.

[manicmij]

If you can go to soft play with someone else e.g. friends with children then go. I had twins after my 2 and a half year old daughter. They will play together at times but wander off separately. Once toilet trained life gets easier obviously as well as the physical development helping making them more independent. They will get up to mischief as I found when working together they were able to achieve much more and worse! than a child on his own. Relax let them play as long as safe.

[user1483875094]

You are going to hate me for this, - but try to imagine having two babies only 13 months apart,.. different feeding patterns, different sleeping patterns, different nappies, different needs, different, bloody everything! Strangely - my immediate neighbour had twins, and OFTEN asked me for help, as she couldn't cope!! I did help, whilst chuckling to myself thinking... "you don't know the half of it!" Everyone was so worried about her and how she would/could cope.... I was a deserted so suddenly single mum,.. and I managed perfectly well, and even helped the "poor" mum with twins. Suck it up and get on with it. It's bloody hard work, but worth it in the end when you have happy, confident, able youngsters!

[user1483875094]

Oops FORGOT TO SAY ... Yes, you are being VERY precious!

[MiddlingMum]

Soft play isn't compulsory. One of mine hated it, and we hardly ever went. They don't seem deprived now they have grown up.

I agree with pps about going to twins club activities. Everyone is in the same position and will help out without being judgemental. In ours, there were three mums with triplets so the mums with "just" twins used to be in awe of them

[Pennywhistle]

User1483 that is the most spectacularly unhelpful post.

You also seem to have missed the point if the thread. She isn’t complaining about having twins.

She’s complaining, quite reasonably, about her unsupportive friends.

As a result your post is quite irrelevant.

[trilbydoll]

It depends what your local places are like. We have some play cafes which are good, all enclosed and you can see everywhere, and a small soft play that littlies can't get stuck in. We've also got some big ones that I don't let my 4yo in unaccompanied and I wouldn't dream of taking twins by myself!

I don't like the park with my two because they both want to be pushed on the swing etc. If you can find a park without swings that would probably be okay

[LittleBirdBlues]

2 is a difficult age too! Are you anywhere near 3? I did find things gór better around the 3/3.5 year mark because I could use reason and logic, whereas at the age of 2 nothing seems to really work. But obviously all kids are different.

[OpenThePickles]

YANBU, soft play is hell on earth anyway.

user1483875094
Your post baffles me.

[Nelly1727]

I had 3 under 2 and a half for a short while. I took them to soft play on my own once - never again! I was lucky that when I went with friends though we all helped each other out with keeping an eye on all the kids. Don’t give yourself a hard time do what is best for you and your twins. For the first few years it was tricky getting all 3 out and about now they are 6,7 & 8 life seems a beeeze (except for the 8 year old trying to act like he is already 18)

[Danceswithwarthogs]

I looked after a friend's twin toddlers for one afternoon in a family activity farm place..... Utterly stressful and exhausting!!!!! I was just glad to give them both back in one piece.

Yanbu (or precious)...

The twins are now school age and perfectly behaved.

[Wineandworkout]

YANBU. I don't have twins, my kids are 21 months apart, but there was definitely a period when taking them out wasn't a one-person job. Go with your gut. This stage doesn't last forever, of course!

[TwoBobs]

15 month gap here and the older one didn't walk until the baby was 6 months and even then could not walk far. Older one with ASD and hypermobility and younger one didn't walk till 18 months (hypermobility and dyspraxia). Both were in the double pushchair for longer because of this. They regularly refused to walk because they got tired easily and the thought of dealing with a 1 yr old baby while the 2 year old flips out was awful. So, with twins, YADNBU!!!

[Turquoise123]

Hmmm if they think looking after two is so easy why don't they look after 1 of yours ? But maybe not so easy eh?

[Joinourclub]

2 year olds don't need to go to soft play. They can have just as much fun in the garden or at the park. I think most soft play centres are actually more suited to 4+ year olds. And the sections reserved for younger kids are no more exciting than putting the sofa cushions on the floor of the living room!

[LaContessaDiPlump]

13 month age gap here. Softplay was ok because I'm lax esp as DS2 didn't move around much and was content to be periodically abandoned or else carted around in a sling. I second whoever commented about baby groups being easier though, definitely.

Btw we also didn't start swimming until incredibly late they started aged 5 and 6. DS1 has gone from preschool 1 to Stage 2 in 3 months and DS2 isn't far behind him, so I'm quietly smug at the thought of all that saved swimming lesson money sure the nursery bill made up for it though!!

You are doing fine. The only thing I'd suggest is that you and your DH make sure to occasionally take out just one DC or the other. In our house we have a terrible habit of treating them like a rowdy little unit, when in fact they're quite - gasp! - pleasant on a one-to-one basis. So we're trying to divide and conquer more, as we enjoy it and so do they.

[Abbylee]

Ignore them. My dc are 21months apart. One of the scarier outings was on a play ground. They split up on the fort, high above the ground. One was just walking good and took off. I pictured one or both falling to the ground.

It's not just twins, dc close in age under 5 are unpredictable. Best wishes and enjoy them, ignore your frenemies

[bevelino]

I haven’t read the whole thread. I have triplets plus one older by one year and it does get better. When they were toddlers I chased after them the whole time as soon as we left the house. The only bonus was that I lost a ton of weight rounding them up every 5 minutes.