Am I being precious!?

[Watsonwotsit]

I have 2 year old twins. At the moment I'm struggling to take them places like soft play alone. I tend to stick to walks in the pushchair whilst dh is at work, when he's home we do plenty of trips to the farm, walks up the mountain, soft play and running around the park.

My friends who all have 1 toddler or a toddler and an older child don't seem to understand why I can't do lots of these activities. I'm not comfortable in soft play because I can't keep an eye on both, walks without the pushchair one or the other inevitably decides not to walk (we are working on this and they are improving!)

Basically I'm being made to feel that I'm being precious and should just let them get on with it and stop hovering around them.

They go to nursery for a few sessions a week, we do lots of craft and play outdoors in the garden most days so they're not cooped up all the time.

Aibu? If you have twins when did these things get easier?

[ReeOkAh]

I have twins and the best thing of all is you don't ever need to go out to find them someone to play with!

[Sugarpiehoneyeye]

OP, what you are doing, works for you, and that's all that matters.
You sound to be doing a great job, and your twins have a full life.
It's very easy for others to judge, when they're not walking in your shoes ! 🌺

[maddiemookins16mum]

I looked after 3 under 3 once, it was hard. The two eldest were 23 months and 21 months at one point (cousins), plus I had a 8 month baby (sister of the 23 month old). That year was the hardest I'd ever worked (Nanny). Funnily enough, a year later things had really improved with the two older girls, they sort of changed (obviously) into little girls instead of...errr toddlers and it became much less stressful and much easier on all levels.

[RaspberryBeret34]

YANBU and your friends should cut you a bit of slack and stop making you feel bad. Maybe they'd like to single handedly take your twins to softplay to see what it's like ?! I think it also probably depends on the child - some are naturally more cautious and if you have twins like that (or at least one like that) then it is probably a little (but not a lot!) easier.

I definitely hovered round DS a bit at softplay aged 2 and I'm not a precious mother in general.

[Urubu]

Wait until your friends have a toddler + a baby, you will be the one with the easy life then (mum of 3yo twins speaking)

And yes it gets easier. And they (sometimes) play together as well!

[LondonGirl83]

If you genuinely find it too stressful then that's a good enough reason not to do it. Your routine sounds fab.

However, the ratio in your nursery per child is likely 3 children per adult and most nurseries take children on outings occasionally.

Maybe you can ask your nursery for tips on how they do it with so few adults per child?

[Mummyoflittledragon]

You’ve got twins. The last thing you need is to be judged! I have an only. But up until a couple of years ago there were 4 sets of twins in dds school year. So i have asked about and listened to lots of parenting stories. Basically my understanding is that you need eyes in the back of your head and mr tickle arms. Neither of which are possible. Do whatever works for you and your kids. And yes, the mums mostly say by School age they’re a dream because they have a ready made playmate unlike my dd, who doesn’t know how to play alone.

[MsHarry]

YANBU, I didn't have twins but can only imagine, Sound like you do lovely varied things with them so don't take on anybody else's issues as your own. We all just do what we can cope with. Good enough is good enough.

[Discotits]

I had a small age gap and there was a considerable chunk of time when I couldn’t handle certain activities e.g. soft play/swimming and stuck to toddler groups (in one room) or the park, it wasn’t worth my bother. Sometimes other people can’t get it, especially if they just have the one. It’s easier now mine are 3 and 4 and aren’t trying to dart off all the time.

[NoSquirrels]

OP, I had a pretty average age gap between my DC, and I never took them to soft play if I could help it, just because I loathe the places. So far they seem unscarred, and got to enjoy it with less grumpy/soft-play averse adults when they did go.

So crack on as you are, I say. Full respect to you.

For walks, take the pushchair and reins. One walks on reins, one in pushchair.

[Watsonwotsit]

May send this thread to some of my friends .

The nursery has a ratio of 1:4 and for short outings use pushchairs and reins. For longer trips to the play farm etc parents have to go along.

I haven't tried one in the pushchair and one on reins for a while, I'll give that another go soon.

I can see the appeal of soft play when they're older and I can have coffee and cake whilst they play but we're a way off that yet.

[Mamabear4180]

Yanbu. I have an 18 month gap between mine, they are nearly 3 and 15 months but the older toddler has ASD and is developmentally younger in her mind and I don't go anywhere without my double buggy and only go to soft play with another adult.

I do have a couple of friends with twins and another toddler each (so 3 under 3 each) though and they do things I wouldn't so it really depends on what you're comfortable with. There's nothing wrong with being precious either.

[Mamabear4180]

Discotits I always thought I was being ridiculous about the park, we do go but it's bloody hard when they're in different directions. My youngest has no fear either and falls a lot!

[Discotits]

Depends on the park I find! My closest is a nightmare as it’s designed for older kids, all spinning roundabouts and things to fall off, so I go to a different, quieter one where they could wander around in relative safety.

[BlackBanana]

I think the difference with softplay with twins to soft play with 2 with an age gap you're likely to have 1 immobile baby or 1 child who is sensible enough to play alone

Not necessarily. I have 2 less than a year apart. They are a very similar size and on a par ability wise.

[Slightlyperturbedowlagain]

No one is 'being precious' if they choose to avoid the sheer hell of soft play for any reason

[averylongtimeago]

There was no soft play when my twins were little they are in their 30's but bloody hell it was hard work!
I needed eyes in my arse when they got mobile. I am sure they would plot behind my back to cause maximum mayhem "you knock over the ironing board while I nip upstairs and turn all the taps on".
I didn't drive so used to walk everywhere (I was much much thinner!) and the mother and toddler group was absolute hell. So much judgement and snippy remarks, while never lifting a finger to help by grappling one escapee while I dealt with the other.
Play School was bliss when they started, and full time primary school a life saver.
So no, I don't think you are being precious.

[TonicandLime]

I think the difference with softplay with twins to soft play with 2 with an age gap you're likely to have 1 immobile baby or 1 child who is sensible enough to play alone.

not necessarily - year between mine and they were both well on their feet by 10M

Softplay will always be hell whatever the age...

[averylongtimeago]

There were a couple of mothers who were particularly horrid, walked home in tears several times. Even after 30 years I haven't forgiven them for the Father Christmas incident when the the twins were 2.5

[HamNJam]

Ha ha, some of these responses do make me laugh...

My twins are much older now but the hell that was soft play and toddler groups still lingers in my mind. I probably didn't go to toddler groups and such until mine were closer to 3 years old - we did a lot of walks around the park and playing in the playground when it was wet, quiet and deserted.

My best and life saving discovery was a twins / multiples toddler group - no judgement, lots of understanding, helping hands and cake.

It will get easier, in many ways. But you need more understanding, supportive friends

[Sprogletsmuvva]

See if you can find a better, quieter soft play place, thats got a decent toddler bit

This. We are admittedly a bit spoilt in London, but one of the local children ‘s centres does sessions aimed at preschoolers. Never any danger of them escaping or getting squashed by school-age kids. Council-sponsored provision can be a bit obscure (you can only find out about our children’s centres by going to a cc..., but worth finding out about.

Not got twins myself, but DD is a bolter, so for me the important thing is finding a playground they can’t get onto the road from. getting DD well exercised pays off as she then sleeps for ages!

[Watsonwotsit]

I wish I had a local twins group, we did used to go to baby groups until they were both mobile.

@blackbanana I did say likely, I understand some people have small gaps or children with sen.

I think I worry too much that dc miss out on some things because they're twins so comments from my friends hit a nerve. It's lovely now they're getting older to see them occasionally play and have fun together so it's swings and roundabouts I suppose.

[LaMontser]

No, not precious. My twins are 10 and still a fucking nightmare, but I wouldn't do soft play on my own with them when they were wee. I did manage playgroup because there were loads of old ladies running it who looked out for them and felt sorry for me.

My CM however took them swimming on her own and all sorts. She's some sort of magician though and I bow to her.

[Curlyshabtree]

At aged 2 it was the trickiest! Yes, it is hard to keep an eye on them both. I don’t think you’re being precious (unless you do have eyes in the back of your head!). My twins are nearly 10 and to echo the other twin mums on this thread, it really does get easier.
It sounds like you do loads of lovely things with them. Enjoy every moment

[Callmesausage]

Mine are 14 now but I still remember the toddler days. Do you have a twinsclub group near you? I joined the playgroup and it was fabulous, we were all in the same boat so totally understood the problems two bring and everybody looked out for each other’s toddlers, it was a life saver.