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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My Ex leaves my 3 children unattended

87 replies

Mumof3ejp · 29/10/2017 20:21

My Ex partner has our 3 children every other Saturday. I've just found out that when he has them he takes them to the local rugby club and leaves them unsupervised for over 3-4 hours my DD is the youngest she's 4 and my DS are 10 and 9. He leaves her brothers looking after her. They told me that they play in the car park and that he leaves the key to his car.
What can I do? My children's safety is my priority

OP posts:
Rheged · 29/10/2017 20:23

I still your contact court ordered? If not, I would stop contact immediately. If yes, you need to be prepared to go back to court.

MadameJosephine · 29/10/2017 20:25

I wouldn’t send them. What’s the point? He’s supposed to be spending time with them not leaving them to their own devices!

SnowBallsAreHere · 29/10/2017 20:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SheRaaarghPrincessOfPower · 29/10/2017 20:27

He leaves a 4yo playing in the car park??!

Stop sending them.

Original poster
Mumof3ejp · 29/10/2017 20:32

We've never gone through court. The children have come home today after staying at their Dads last night. And informed me of what they have done. They obviously do not see it as an issue.. that's kids for you!! But they are babies. I have sent him a message and he has yet to reply (don't expect one)
He hasn't got them again until the 11th November. So I will check at the rugby club then. I only live 10 minutes away.

OP posts:
user1493413286 · 29/10/2017 20:33

Did your children tell you this and do you know the full details? I only ask because I’m a bit confused about how he manages this for 3-4 hours without someone from the rugby club calling the police or intervening somehow. It’s a really long time for children of that age to not have access to toilets, food and drink etc and a long time for them to be entertaining themselves.
But if this is exactly what is happening then you need to stop contact immmediately, if there’s a contact order you have a right to stop contact if you believe your children are at risk and can take it back to court.
If you’re going to need to take it back to court I’d suggest speaking to the rugby club or calling 101 to ask police advice as you’ll need evidence of him doing this.

AcrossthePond55 · 29/10/2017 20:37

I'd probably quietly go to the car park and pick them up and take them home. Let him get a swift rush of shit to the heart when he goes back to the car and they aren't there. Maybe I'd leave a tiny note on the windshield.

Mrskeats · 29/10/2017 20:38

I like the plan of *across’
That will make him think about what could happen, ie they wander off or, god forbid, get abducted.

Mrskeats · 29/10/2017 20:39

across sorry

hidinginthenightgarden · 29/10/2017 20:40

I'm with Accrossthepond, turn up next contact and take them. Hopefully he will realise how dangerous it is.

ohtheholidays · 29/10/2017 20:41

Leaving children of that age with the car key is against the law(my DH is in the Police)and it wouldn't be your fault but there's every chance Childrens services would still have to be involved for a little while just to get the full picture,I used to work with SS.

My DH has just asked if he's inside the club is he drinking whilst he's there,so drink driving with your DC in the car?

If those were my DC my blood would be boiling,I was run over by a drink driver and left for dead when I was 9 years old and I was left with lifelong injuries God forbid one of your little boys should ever start the car and have an accident that involves one of they're siblings they'd never get over it and neither would you.

Your ex is a massive dick head and there's no way I'd be letting him have unsupervised contact if it was me.I hope you can get it all sorted without to much shit of him,if he starts just remember your in the right and your doing it for your DC,he doesn't have to know that the children told you,you could tell hime the children had been seen on they're own more than once if you want to.

Good Luck Flowers

Mummyoflittledragon · 29/10/2017 20:43

Crikey. I’d stop sending them. That’s outrageous!

Original poster
Mumof3ejp · 29/10/2017 20:43

The four year old is quite forthcoming when disclosing information.
She informed me that they were playing in the car and DS 10, got locked in and they were playing hide and seek, and DS 9 fell out of a tree. DS backed all of this up.
There are toilet facilities on the site as well as a bar/kitchen.
regarding going to pick them up and take them home, I think that is the shock tactic that he needs.

OP posts:
schmoozypoo · 29/10/2017 20:44

Depends on the type of contact, if it is court ordered you may need proof if it isn't then I would be arranging supervised visits. It is scary to think that he see's that this is acceptable. You are in a very difficult situation OP.

Original poster
Mumof3ejp · 29/10/2017 20:49

ontheholidays I've got no proof that he's drinking whilst there (I hope bloody not) I have said to my new partner that if anything happens to the children and that I was aware that their dad was leaving them alone, that I would be as much to blame as he was.
I will reiterate to the knob that it is against the law for our DC to be left with the car key. I have been fuming since I found out at 6pm tonight.

your story is awful, and I really feel for you. Hope they found out who it was!!! xx

OP posts:
endofthelinefinally · 29/10/2017 20:55

I wouldn't go and get them.
The fall out might be more trouble than it is worth.
I would get an independent witness, one that he would not recognise, to go and observe where he is, where the DC are and whether he is drinking.
Then, once you have evidence, report to the most appropriate agency.
He is clearly not interested in spending time or interacting with them.

Original poster
Mumof3ejp · 29/10/2017 20:59

endofthelinefinally Sun 29-Oct-17 20:55:33
I wouldn't go and get them.
The fall out might be more trouble than it is worth.
I would get an independent witness, one that he would not recognise, to go and observe where he is, where the DC are and whether he is drinking.
Then, once you have evidence, report to the most appropriate agency.
He is clearly not interested in spending time or interacting with them

I have said this to him. That he has the kids every other Saturday through till sunday afternoon. And he does not want to spend this valuable time with them. His priorities are up the creek! His mother is just as bad and doesn't see it as an issue! You would think they were a bunch on hill billys!

I work in A&E so I worry about the repercussions on me.

OP posts:
Nicknacky · 29/10/2017 20:59

I wouldn't say to him about the car key possession being illegal, I'm happy to be told I'm wrong but can't think what law that is breaking?

ohtheholidays can you ask your h for my curiosity what section of the RTA it is breaking?

Nicknacky · 29/10/2017 21:01

Op there would no repercussions to you in terms of criminal charges should something happen to them (God forbid)! Doubt Ss would bum you either if you re shown to be a responsible parent.

BewareOfDragons · 29/10/2017 21:03

Yikes! You definitely need to put a stop to this! What on earth is he thinking?

Original poster
Mumof3ejp · 29/10/2017 21:07

nicknacky Because I know that this is what he's doing i'd be as much to blame because I'm willing to put the safety of my children as rick. surely? Just thinking if that's the way they would see it.

My DC are everything to me.

OP posts:
Nicknacky · 29/10/2017 21:10

Not under circumstance like this, no. It would be different if there was a long history of neglect etc but not an isolated incident.

Let's assume the children had an accident in his care, how would the police prove you were aware and complicit?

Original poster
Mumof3ejp · 29/10/2017 21:14

nicknacky I have told him that if I find out that this was to happen again, then I would be cutting all unsupervised visits. Thing is I know that this isn't a one off. They've told me that he does this regularly

I am always pleasant when I message and everything is saved in case I need to take him to court.

OP posts:
LadyWire · 29/10/2017 21:14

Might have missed it, but what exactly is he doing in this time that he's left them? Are they left inside the club or in the carpark?

Santawontbelong · 29/10/2017 21:17

Figure out his schedule, turn up and remover your dc. Report him to Ss and the police.

If you do nothing and something happens you will be as bad as him.

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