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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My Ex leaves my 3 children unattended

87 replies

Mumof3ejp · 29/10/2017 20:21

My Ex partner has our 3 children every other Saturday. I've just found out that when he has them he takes them to the local rugby club and leaves them unsupervised for over 3-4 hours my DD is the youngest she's 4 and my DS are 10 and 9. He leaves her brothers looking after her. They told me that they play in the car park and that he leaves the key to his car.
What can I do? My children's safety is my priority

OP posts:
Nicknacky · 30/10/2017 10:31

ohtheholidays Ask him what section. I'm a cop and I can tell you there is no offence for a kid to have keys and access to a vehicle that I'm aware of but I'm prepared to be shown I'm wrong.

SleepFreeZone · 30/10/2017 10:40

I was pretty much left to my own devices growing up and had a whale of a time, but I would be furious if this was happening to my children. I too would turn up at the rugby club and see for myself what was going on and take the kids home if need be.

HamSandWitches · 30/10/2017 10:47

That's crazy giving the kids the keys. They could take the handbrake off and run one of their siblings over. My 9yr old could take the handbrake off. She could probably start the car tbh

Italiangreyhound · 30/10/2017 10:48

I also gate all this "Everyone looking out for everyone's kids"

How can you supervise everyone else's kids at the same time! Without knowing what they are allowed to do, or able to do, or who they know etc.

OnlyTheDepthVaries · 30/10/2017 13:55

nicknacky
I’m like you and with you on this. Need the Act and Section of the relevant law. Lots of spurious illegalities being quoted here.
If the OP removes her children from the car park she will not be abducting them....she is their parent. She will not be wasting police time particularly if she rings to inform them what she has done and why. This will pre empt his missing children call once he has finished his rugby.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 30/10/2017 14:09

Be very careful when dealing with it that it genuinely is a situation where kids are unsupervised.

I go to a football clubweekly and loads of players only bring there kids after checking that I’m there and happy to watch them which I am, I’m dbs checked obviously not taking any payment am there with my own kids and I’m happy to hang out with them during the game. It’s perfectly acceptable.

Bucketsandspoons · 30/10/2017 15:05

A four year old playing in a car park, supervised by a nine and ten year old.

No, really not ok. I agree with ringing social services front desk - you don't have to give a name or identifying details - run the scenario past them and ask what they suggest. I don't think they'll say 'oh it's fine don't worry'.

Mayhemmumma · 30/10/2017 15:08

If you know when and where they are unsupervised call the police and ask for a welfare check?

Jaxhog · 30/10/2017 15:51

Now that you 'know' that this happened, you have to do something. Otherwise he could claim that you knew and did nothing i.e. allowed it to happen.

If he promises you that he won't leave them unsupervised again, then let them go (but check with them). If he won't, then get someone to go check and film them if they are unsupervised. If they still appear to be unsupervised, then stop them going. Tell your ex that if he wants them back, he'll have to go to court, and that you will show your evidence. If it comes to this, he'll probably get visitation, but it will be supervised.

thatdearoctopus · 30/10/2017 17:07

loads of players only bring there kids after checking that I’m there and happy to watch them which I am... It's perfectly acceptable

And do the kids you're watching play in the car park, lock each other in the boot and climb trees which they fall out of?

Thought not. These kids are clearly not being watched.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 30/10/2017 17:45

going In daddies car and mucking about it not unheard of, if I can see the kids it’s a locked car park and I knew dad was ok with them going in the car I wouldn’t even raise an eyebrow.

I may even stick them in the car if I was using the seat of mine to change one of mines nappies or something, nothing wrong with containing them for a tick and sometimes there’s nothing wrong with kids mucking about

Mittens1969 · 30/10/2017 18:13

I wouldn’t like this, OP, it would be ok if the youngest was 3-4 years older, say 7-8 (depending on maturity), but a 4 year old in a car park, unsupervised by an adult, is not on IMO. Children do silly things at that age. Maybe it was when we were growing up but a lot of things happened back then which wouldn’t be approved of now.

Re the car keys, I’d be concerned about that too. They’re too young to be in charge of a vehicle, supposing one of them switched the engine on?

If their dad is playing rugby then he clearly isn’t keeping an eye on them.

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